# Florida's modern-day executions are too humane... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 13, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533 "2011-10-13T14:33:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/121 "2011-10-15T01:34:34Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > We’re talking about saving the taxpayers money here. The plane and every single flight is expensive. > > How about we compromise? We’ll use the plane, fire up the engine, and just shove the perps into the spinning prop. You get your plane, I get my shove. Three words: Hot air balloon! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/122 "2011-10-15T01:37:52Z")
NOW we’re talking – that’s so green! ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/123 "2011-10-15T02:16:23Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > …or so says one Florida state legistaor, [who is introducing a bill in January to force death row inmates to choose between electrocution and the firing squad](http://news.yahoo.com/fla-lawmaker-wants-bring-back-firing-squads-110708935.html). He says letting them “go to sleep” with lethal injection allows 'em to “get off [too] easy.” > > Oh, Florida… Sigh. I just read the article, even though all it did was confirm my suspicion. Why am I not at all surprised that Drake is a Republican? I’d be willing to wager that he’s a big ol’ God fearin’ Christian as well. ETA: Oh wait, I don’t have to wager. From [Drake’s own website](http://braddrake.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=4&Itemid=5): Family values should take precedence. Firm Pro-Life advocate: protecting the sanctity of life and the unborn, believing that life begins at conception. (With no apologies) God should never be removed from the Pledge of Allegiance when spoken in our schools or removed from / within government buildings. Prayer should be allowed in schools. What the heck is it with Republican Christians and their bloodlust? ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/124 "2011-10-15T02:25:30Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Tsk. Wasting taxes on comforts for criminals . . . Hanging them in chains or cages, from [gibbets](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanging_in_chains) outdoors, is even cheaper, and has the added benefit of a deterrent public spectacle, plus something fun to throw rocks at. 🙂 > > And, this being Florida, we could **actually** add something with honey and fire ants to that! Ah! I like the value adding aspects of your solution. I guess if you sold TV rights, you could offset the cost of the honey, too. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/125 "2011-10-15T02:26:29Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > NOW we’re talking – that’s so green! Alternatively, we could use already-scheduled flights. Such as when a family charters a flyover of the Grand Canyon, you could send the perp up with them to be shoved out there. Or better still, one of those helicopter tours of the Kilauea volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/126 "2011-10-15T02:29:31Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > What the heck is it with Republican Christians and their bloodlust? Have you even read the bible? It’s like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Hell, Samson killed thirty dudes at his own wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/127 "2011-10-15T03:29:32Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > Have you even read the bible? It’s like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Hell, Samson killed thirty dudes at his own wedding. Cool. I say bring back hanging. Or if you’re going to go the guillotine route, make the executioner wear a hood, just like back in the old days. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/128 "2011-10-15T03:53:23Z")
I want an execution where the convicted is chained standing and hit by a wrecking ball. There needs to be a high-speed camera filming this. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/129 "2011-10-15T04:07:06Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > Have you even read the bible? It’s like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Hell, Samson killed thirty dudes at his own wedding. Did Samson kill them all personally or did his Deadly Viper Assassination Squad help? ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/130 "2011-10-15T05:36:07Z")
I’m tired of thinking like a smalltime chump. The key to combining a human execution with cost-effective delivery of life snuffing services is clearly to execute in _bulk_. What’s the worst part of being executed? I say it isn’t the pain, it’s the loneliness. And what could be more convivial and more comforting for your last moments on earth than to share them with the people who really, deep down know you best? That’s right, one last moment to pause with your fellow child rapists, serial killers, trigger happy gunmen or wrongfully convicted black brethren. And volume dealing has to bring down the cost per kill to the state and may I add, it is the greener alternative. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/131 "2011-10-15T05:42:39Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Alternatively, we could use already-scheduled flights. Such as when a family charters a flyover of the Grand Canyon, you could send the perp up with them to be shoved out there. Or better still, one of those helicopter tours of the Kilauea volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii. Actually, you could add a premium to the charter fee for the additional entertainment value. Hmmm… execution for profit. I like it! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/132 "2011-10-15T05:46:00Z")
> [@JoelUpchurch](#): > > I suspect that the most humane execution method ever devised was the Guillotine. There are two [Straight](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/200/do-decapitated-heads-briefly-remain-conscious) [Dope](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1172/does-the-head-remain-briefly-conscious-after-decapitation) columns discussing that. > [@Merijeek](#): > > It’s not that hard to find a lawyer who will work hard to justify torture. I don’t think it’ll be that hard to find someone with medical training to harvest peoples’ organs. Lawyers are professionally amoral; doctors aren’t. They can’t even find trained people to inject the poison, much less cut the condemned up with a scalpel. Most likely you’d end up with some amateurs trying to cut up the person and botching it. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/133 "2011-10-15T05:46:08Z")
> [@mamboman](#): > > I’m tired of thinking like a smalltime chump. > > The key to combining a human execution with cost-effective delivery of life snuffing services is clearly to execute in _bulk_. What’s the worst part of being executed? I say it isn’t the pain, it’s the loneliness. And what could be more convivial and more comforting for your last moments on earth than to share them with the people who really, deep down know you best? That’s right, one last moment to pause with your fellow child rapists, serial killers, trigger happy gunmen or wrongfully convicted black brethren. > > And volume dealing has to bring down the cost per kill to the state and may I add, it is the greener alternative. You need to develop a methodology that takes advantage of bulk executions. I hope you’re not thinking of the old “everybody get into this big shower room” routine – that is sooo 1944. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/134 "2011-10-15T05:54:28Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > There are two [Straight](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/200/do-decapitated-heads-briefly-remain-conscious) [Dope](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1172/does-the-head-remain-briefly-conscious-after-decapitation) columns discussing that. > > Lawyers are professionally amoral; doctors aren’t. They can’t even find trained people to inject the poison, much less cut the condemned up with a scalpel. Most likely you’d end up with some amateurs trying to cut up the person and botching it. I am skeptical about the last. If the doc can have clean hands regarding the killing, it would be quite easy to morally justify harvesting the organs from a corpse and saving other lives as a result. The moral choice is reduced to using the organs for good, or letting them rot. The doctor’s choice becomes one of saving people or letting them die unnecessarily. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/135 "2011-10-15T06:12:02Z")
I don’t think a doctor could legally do so – they’re not permitted to participate in executions, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/136 "2011-10-15T08:23:12Z")
> [@mamboman](#): > > What’s the worst part of being executed? I say it isn’t the pain, it’s the loneliness. Being dead afterwards is a close second. Or so I’m told. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/137 "2011-10-15T09:59:54Z")
> [@mamboman](#): > > What’s the worst part of being executed? I say it isn’t the pain, it’s the loneliness. I say it’s the wait. There’s an infinite cruelty in telling somebody he’s going to be put to death X days from now. Dying’s easy. Looming death isn’t. As for a most humane execution method, I’d suggest the Mythbusters way: as much high explosives as the condemned can carry. Quick, spectacular \*and \*conducive to betting games such as “how far will the liver go ?” or “guess the weight of the largest chunk, win money”. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/138 "2011-10-15T10:08:15Z")
> [@Merijeek](#): > > I think I read one Sandman…but I can’t quite conceive how that fantasy could come up more than once. Actually, it might be in the Death spinoff now that I think about it. One time involves a handful of characters musing on how they’d rather die (because one of their friends did), and another involves a guy actually setting it up for himself (as part of a sort of Groundhog Day thing, only more extravagant. And morbid, I suppose) ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/139 "2011-10-15T11:22:12Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > I say it’s the wait. There’s an infinite cruelty in telling somebody he’s going to be put to death X days from now. Dying’s easy. Looming death isn’t. > > As for a most humane execution method, I’d suggest the Mythbusters way: as much high explosives as the condemned can carry. Quick, spectacular \*and \*conducive to betting games such as “how far will the liver go ?” or “guess the weight of the largest chunk, win money”. How about giving the guy two cell phones - one of which is rigged to set off the explosives, one of which is a normal phone, which the Governor _may_ call with a last minute clemency offer. Which one will ring first… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533/140 "2011-10-15T15:22:58Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I don’t think a doctor could legally do so – they’re not permitted to participate in executions, IIRC. I’m not certain that legality is the stumbling block. Some code of ethics thing, I think, that doesn’t have the force of law (and yet does result in physicians not making themselves available for the practice). I 'll look up a few things; and maybe one of our resident medicos will drop by in the meantime. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/floridas-modern-day-executions-are-too-humane/599533.md?page=8)