Heh. This describes me as well (down to the gesture I use to “tone him down” when he gets loud). My spouse can be a very loud talker. He’s a singer from a large, noisy family (at least one of whom is going deaf and won’t admit it), and when they all get together and “project,” I usually just head out to the other room until they tone down. He doesn’t do it that often with me, and he’s not obnoxiously loud (like the lady in my OP), but he can get loud when he’s excited or angry, and his voice carries like crazy, so even when he’s not talking loudly he can be heard some distance away. I, on the other hand, am quiet (usually) and come from a family that was usually just me, my dad (also quiet) and my mom (who’s the type to dominate conversations and won’t let you get a word in edgewise, but wasn’t overly loud). It’s a bit of an adjustment.
As far as the lady at the party…no kidding, I was literally cringing when she was next to me and being that loud, and trying to subtly cover the ear closest to her. I’m not sure if anybody else picked up on it at all, but her voice just cut through me like a knife. The cringe wasn’t affected–I couldn’t help it. I kept hoping somebody would notice, but I’m not sure whether anyone did. I’ll probably give the next gathering a try, and if it happens again I’ll just politely bow out of the rest of them. The spouse understands–he’s just glad I went along (I didn’t want to initially) but he knows how I am about gatherings with excessive volume.
I’m sure that’s true for some definitions of “naturally loud,” but it seems to me you’re trying to make a point that doesn’t help and doesn’t apply. There are people – I’m one of them – who just naturally tend to sound loud. And by naturally, I mean it comes with no effort, no conscious thought, no training, no environment (e.g. noisy family) that required it, and certainly no intent. It’s the normal, natural way I talk. I can’t imagine that one would assert that those who have voices that are very soft even when they try to project are not naturally quiet. By the same token, it doesn’t wash that no one whose voice really projects when they’re not even trying is not naturally loud.
I have a voice that is naturally loud, and also is of a pitch and timbre to carry unusually well. I consciously speak softly when in public areas, to the point where family members often have to ask me to speak up.
One friend of mine is from the Bronx. He now lives in MD in my building. He is LOUD. He doesn’t try to be, he just is. And don’t get me started when after he’s been drinking.
Another friend of mine is from Philly. She’s just as bad, and would probably be worse if she didn’t have a naturally feminine voice, such as it is.
Put these two together and wow. It gets loud.
Throw in a hockey game or NFC East football game and get earplugs.
I treat them both like children. I have learned to adjust the volume of my voice to meet the needs of the listener, based upon our surroundings. When they start to get loud, I use my loud(er) dad voice and say "INDOOR VOICES, PLEASE. This usually shuts them both up for about 15 minutes until I have to repeat myself.
That is, only if we’re in my place. If we’re at either of their condo units and they get loud, more power to 'em both. They ain’t bugging my neighbors.
Like I said, neither one of them think they’re loud. This is just how they are. They’re my friends, so I guess I’m stuck with both of them.
I’m curious why earplugs aren’t an option. Those foam flesh-colored ones can be cut so they don’t protrude. If you’re going to a loud party where everyone speaks in elevated voices, I don’t think you’ll have trouble hearing anyone, and the cringe factor voices will be much more bearable. I wear them to concerts and the friends I’m with don’t even notice I have them in unless I tuck my hair behind my ear or point them out. I can hear everyone fine, and the noise doesn’t hurt.
How on earth could this woman not notice you wincing? A nice buffoon is still a buffoon.
I have sensitive hearing, and I live in China, where there are a billion people who think an “indoor voice” is a full on top-of-the-lungs shout. This place is freaking LOUD.
Sometimes you have to learn to live with it. Surprisingly, I’ve found it’s not that hard. I noticed that the more I think about it, the angrier I get and the more it annoys me. If I can externalize it- say to myself “this man is being loud. I can hear it, and acknowledge that he is loud, but I’m not going to worry about it” I can usually keep that cycle from even starting. Often I need to cut off those angry monologues that start playing in my head. Just don’t go there. Remind yourself “this, too, shall pass” and try to move your thinking on.
That’s like saying that no one is naturally tall or naturally redheaded. We’re all born with a range of measurements in various attributes. Why would this not apply to voices?
Look, all I’m arguing is the bullshit (and common) assumption that if you are a loud talker, than you are not intelligent and cannot be witty (see what I first replied to). I’ve seen this a lot by people who are quiet. It’s similar to how people who are not interested in fashion, clothing, etc. automatically assume that those who are are airheads.
Just because someone is different than you in some aspects doesn’t mean they will be the opposite of all your good qualities.
And yes, people can be “naturally loud” if people can be “naturally quiet”. The previous intern in our department? Quietest damn person I have ever known. I sat diagonal from her (with only half height cube walls, so we all see each other) and I never ever heard her when she was on the phone. When she tried to talk loud, it was literally about the volume of most people’s regular voices.
Well yes, it “doesn’t help” people who think others should accept them just as they are and are unwilling to modulate their voices to match volume levels attained in normal conversation. That would require effort.
I suppose it’s conceivable there could be a previously undescribed congenital vocal cord anomaly resulting in a louder voice than the norm. Less conceivable is that such an anomaly could not be overcome by training.
If you grow up in a family where people have a normal tone of voice, and your parents dissuade you from shouting or shrieking in situations where that’s not called for, you are highly likely to grow up speaking normally.
Self-control is easier for some than for others. But it’s eminently teachable, and attainable in the case of speaking amplitude, if you have the motivation (or if others supply it sufficiently).
As another poster noted, alcohol can be a factor in failure to use indoor voices. One of our favorite restaurant hangouts occasionally displays a phenomenon known to us as “Girls’ Night Out”. In this situation, six or so adult women get a table, each have a couple or so cocktails and start talking about twice as loudly as surrounding tables, frequently bursting into shrieks of laughter at things that don’t seem particularly funny to the non-inebriated. This is at a restaurant, mind you, not a bar. These people may be relatively normal in other settings, but here they’re letting their hair down and to hell with the rest of you.