# FoieGrasIsEvil asked for money and I gave — a Thank You would’ve been nice **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 11, 2018, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632 "2018-02-11T17:12:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/1 "2018-02-11T17:12:27Z")
You think? If I’m the only one who contributed and **FoieGrasIsEvil** didn’t thank then perhaps it’s just an anomaly. Maybe I am the only one, maybe not. Here’s a run down. [ul] [li]On 06 Jan, **FGIE** posted a thread in MPSIMS (Fellow Dopers…Please Help: [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=846304](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=846304)). His nicely-composed plea explained some of his current challenges, he set up a goFundMe site, and he asked dopers for some help.[/li][li]On 13 Jan, I spotted his thread. We’ve all been in jams before, and help is appreciated. I like to help when and where I can. I posted some encouraging words and sent this PM.[/li][/ul] > [@Bullitt](#): > > Hi Steve, > > I found your thread and I am so sorry to learn of your recent struggles. I went to your goFundMe page to kick in some help, but I can’t send money by PayPal, which is my preference. Can you send me your email address so I can send it by PayPal? Mine, BTW, is (Bullitt)@gmail.com. > > Best of luck to you. Keep swinging away, keep getting up. Not to sound trite, but this too shall pass. I had an especially terrible struggle myself, 25 years ago — I was devastated when my wife of 12+ years dumped me, unceremoniously and totally unexpectedly. And we had 3 young kids too. > > I was devastated but yet now, I am married to wife version 2.0 and we have a fantastic marriage — married over 15 years now. I never imagined life would be so great again. It will for you too. Keep your chin up. > > Anyway yes, this too shall pass. > > Best of luck to you, hang in there and keep fighting, > > Bullitt About 3 hours later **FGIE** replied. > [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Yes. My email is (FGIE)@gmail.com. You’re a Marine? Good on you. My favorite family story involves my Uncle. Understand my entire family is made up of Army officers. > > My aunt’s wedding was to a Marine Lieutenant. My Grandfather and his 3 sons, including my Dad, were all West Point grads and officers, all dressed in their blues while my Uncle Tony, the Marine, was dressed in beige camo dress A’s. > > My grandfather, an infantry colonel, sidled up to my (soon to be) Uncle and said “Lieutenant, you are surrounded by the Army…how do you feel?” > > My Marine uncle, without missing a beat, replied “Sir, you are seriously outnumbered”. > > It’s a favorite and true family story, and lives on to this day. Then, [ul] [li]On 16 Jan, I sent my PayPal donation to **FGIE**. There’s been nothing from him since. At the end of his thread, others have asked how he’s doing.[/li][li]On 21 Jan, **Napier** asked how he’s doing. No reply from **FGIE** there.[/li][li]On 21 Jan, **StGermain** offers a helpful suggestion.[/li][li]On 31 Jan, **IvoryTowerDenizen** asked how he’s doing. No reply from **FGIE** there.[/li][/ul] Crickets, apparently. The same crickets I hear. [ul] [li]On 16 Jan, **FGIE** posted his last post in his thread.[/li][li]From 01 Feb to now, **FGIE** has posted almost 50x here on the dope, mostly talking about football and the Super Bowl, and oh yeah in the thread about if you had the cash, what 3 cars would you want to own. It’s his thread — the irony: [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20774936#post20774936](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20774936#post20774936). He’s also started 2 other threads.[/li][/ul] So **FGIE** has been very active here on the dope. But a quick Thank you for money sent when asked? Crickets. Oh well (sigh). On **FGIE** ’s goFundMe site, he’s raised over $3,000. [Fundraiser by Steve Genetti : Just Trying To Push Through...](https://www.gofundme.com/cths3s-living-expenses). Cool, I’m sure it has helped, and I’m happy for him. But to date, no thank you from **FoieGrasIsEvil**. Am I being unreasonable? Am I expecting too much? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/2 "2018-02-11T17:26:26Z")
You’ll learn, never give money to an alcoholic. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/3 "2018-02-11T17:26:39Z")
I am NOT pointing any fingers at any particular person, including the subject of the OP. But as a recovering alcoholic with a few decades of sobriety, I learned loooong ago to **never** give money to anyone in early recovery, nor any alcoholic who is still drinking. I’ve bought food for such folks, paid the rent directly more than once, but I will never hand over funds directly. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/4 "2018-02-11T17:30:25Z")
I think he was a little gushy in his thread asking for help. Maybe he is embarrassed to come straight out and thank people. He should of pm’d you though. I would think. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/5 "2018-02-11T17:38:24Z")
Yeah I’m learning my lesson. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/6 "2018-02-11T19:24:08Z")
If you want to help someone, then do it. If you are waiting on a thank-you, then your thoughts are with yourself. A thank you is nice, but if that’s why you’re giving, then don’t. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/7 "2018-02-11T19:31:49Z")
I agree. Why let his actions, or lack thereof, have ANY effect on your act of kindness? Take great pleasure in the giving. Leave all the rest. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/8 "2018-02-11T19:32:30Z")
By the way, that’s cool that you published here a private conversation that you had with FGIE. :dubious: I hope I never need your kind of help. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/9 "2018-02-11T19:34:47Z")
A thank you would be nice, but this thread seems like a total dick move. What kind of a fucking ass shames someone else for the lack of a thank you. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/10 "2018-02-11T19:38:25Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > A thank you would be nice, but this thread seems like a total dick move. What kind of a fucking ass shames someone else for the lack of a thank you. What kind of fucking ass takes money from virtual strangers WITHOUT a thank you? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/11 "2018-02-11T19:40:00Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > What kind of fucking ass takes money from virtual strangers WITHOUT a thank you? How does that excuse this thread though? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/12 "2018-02-11T19:42:33Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > How does that excuse this thread though? AFAIK, this thread doesn’t need an excuse. FGIE behaved poorly, and someone called him out on it in the appropriate forum. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/13 "2018-02-11T19:43:17Z")
OK to criticize someone. Not OK to do it in public. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/14 "2018-02-11T19:45:14Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > AFAIK, this thread doesn’t need an excuse. FGIE behaved poorly, and someone called him out on it in the appropriate forum. Ooo, give him a cookie, he got the correct forum. It is still a dick move. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/15 "2018-02-11T19:45:21Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > How does that excuse this thread though? I’m not seeing the outrage. If you make the rather odd move of publicly asking strangers for money on the internet, and then don’t follow up to kind responses with basic civility, how else would you expect things to turn out? I think the point has been well made that giving money to drinking alcoholics is a mistake. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/16 "2018-02-11T19:45:54Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > A thank you would be nice, but this thread seems like a total dick move. What kind of a fucking ass shames someone else for the lack of a thank you. It’s **Bullit** , what else do you expect? He’s shown himself to be a fucking ass many times over on these boards. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/17 "2018-02-11T19:49:42Z")
Without comment as to the sufficiency or timeliness of the thank you and really just for completeness, this was posted as an update to the gofundme (not immediately obvious) 26 days ago. > [@](#): > > I want to personally thank each and every one of you. I set my goal at $3000 because it forces me to set goal, and I didn’t know where to set a reasonable amount. I do solemnly appreciate everyone’s efforts to help me and you have my personal thanks and well wishes. This has been an immense help to me and my sons. THANK YOU SO MUCH! ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/18 "2018-02-11T19:52:09Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > Ooo, give him a cookie, he got the correct forum. It is still a dick move. How was it a dick move? The real dick move was begging for money on the board, and not thanking people. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/19 "2018-02-11T19:59:04Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > I’m not seeing the outrage. If you make the rather odd move of publicly asking strangers for money on the internet, and then don’t follow up to kind responses with basic civility, how else would you expect things to turn out? > > … First \*\*kayT \*\*summed it up nicely already. > [@kayT](#): > > OK to criticize someone. Not OK to do it in public. But if you want more detail, when you give money, don’t do it expecting a reward or a thank you. It is without question the polite thing to do, but a thread like this is pretty close to a public shaming. If you don’t get that you were raised very differently from me. I get feeling a little miffed by the apparent lack of gratitude. sure, that’s human enough. > [@cochrane](#): > > It’s **Bullit** , what else do you expect? He’s shown himself to be a fucking ass many times over on these boards. I don’t know **Bullit** , and knowing me will forget him again. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/20 "2018-02-11T20:00:09Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > What kind of fucking ass takes money from virtual strangers WITHOUT a thank you? Unless you donated, I don’t see how this is any of your concern. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632.md?page=2)