# FoieGrasIsEvil asked for money and I gave — a Thank You would’ve been nice **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 11, 2018, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632 "2018-02-11T17:12:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/41 "2018-02-11T22:31:26Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/42 "2018-02-11T22:36:39Z")
I’d like to personally thank everyone here for all the money they’ve given me recently. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2018, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/43 "2018-02-11T22:37:41Z")
Hey…where’s my money?? That’s a dick move, accepting heart-felt thanks for a contribution that you never bothered to make. Shame on all of you. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/44 "2018-02-12T00:48:09Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > Now here’s the funny thing, \*\*Bullitt \*\*did something that is dickish but doesn’t seem to be doubling down on it thus far and might have at least learned something. > > For some bizarre reason your doubling down in this thread and proving you’re an actual dick. I can’t recall a post of his in which he \*hasn’t \*proven himself to be a purple-headed veiny bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/45 "2018-02-12T00:56:46Z")
I wanted to help him, and I gave him a gift. A thank you would be the civil response on his part. Do I expect it? No, but it is the civil thing to do and so I started this. But I’m learning it wasn’t cool to do. If you (the generic you) have kids or nieces/nephews or cousins and every year you send them a birthday gift, and if you never get a thank you or even just any kind of acknowledgment, then common courtesies and manners typically direct you to stop sending those gifts. Dear Abby and Ann Landers have said that repeatedly. A thank you generally is the civil thing to do. But a public shaming, I am learning, is not being civil. I’m not very Pit-savvy, I am learning, and thanks for those pointing that out. A sincere thanks to Folly and others for pointing out his public thank you on goFundMe. That’s cool that he did that but I didn’t interact with him there. PayPal and emails, my PM, and my posts in his thread were how we interacted (note to IvoryTowerDenizen). So I did not see any thanks from him. FGIE has a lot on his mind, I imagine, especially with the disease he is battling. Life happens. It could have simply slipped his mind – and I do say these sincerely. It’s not OK to criticize someone in public? What??!! It’s done every day here in the Pit which, BTW, I rarely visit. And kayT, you did publicly (albeit softly) criticize Shagnasty in that Pit thread. So be careful who you accuse of public criticism. I am pretty new to boards and I am learning that what I did was a public shaming, and not a cool thing to do. I’ve been here 5 years but mostly post in games. I haven’t developed the conversational skill on message boards that I have IRL, face to face with people. I am learning. I took pleasure in the giving, really I did. The guy is an alcoholic, publicly-proclaimed, and I hope he gets the help he needs. And I have learned that it’s not necessarily best to give money to an alcoholic, and there are other and perhaps better ways to help. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/46 "2018-02-12T01:18:31Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > And he did. Multiple times in thread and personally, at least to me. D’Ickonia isn’t about to let the facts get in the way of a good contrarian-trolling opportunity. > [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Maybe the OPs donation didn’t come through. Did the OP reach out and ask? Or he was just expecting a public acknowledgement thanking him by name for being so altruistic. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/47 "2018-02-12T01:18:51Z")
I helped him a bit and got a thank-you note almost immediately. But it was early on, so maybe as more and more folks chipped in it made more sense to issue a broader thank-you, as was noted above. I helped him because he’s a human being I know, if only on a MB, and who needed some help. I wasn’t looking for a thank-you, even though I did get one. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/48 "2018-02-12T01:22:09Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > D’Ickonia isn’t about to let the facts get in the way of a good contrarian-trolling opportunity. > > Or he was just expecting a public acknowledgement thanking him by name for being so altruistic. My donation went through. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/49 "2018-02-12T01:28:41Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > I wanted to help him, and I gave him a gift. A thank you would be the civil response on his part. Do I expect it? No, but it is the civil thing to do and so I started this. Correct, and don’t apologize to the jerks who say otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/50 "2018-02-12T01:36:27Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > My donation went through. If you expected anything in return, even a thanks, you were doing it for yourself. Kicking someone while they’re down and publicly shaming them because they deprived you of something you wanted to pat yourself on the back about is definitely dickish - even if it hadn’t turned out that they did thank you several ways after all. Pro Tip: if you’ve got Dickonia in your corner you would be well-advised to rethink everything. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/51 "2018-02-12T01:43:29Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > My donation went through. From your end. He may not have been notified or there was a glitch. Did you reach out to him privately to confirm he received it? It’s also a gentle way to bring it to his attention, especially someone to who is obviously struggling. But hey, public shaming works too. So you got part of your initial question answered- he thanked other people in private and multiple times in the thread. So there was either a glitch on his end or a lapse from an otherwise civil person. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/52 "2018-02-12T01:43:34Z")
This entire business about so called “shaming” is bullshit. You don’t want to be shamed? Don’t drunkenly beg for money on the internet. Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/53 "2018-02-12T01:44:58Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > I am pretty new to boards and I am learning that what I did was a public shaming, and not a cool thing to do. I’ve been here 5 years but mostly post in games. I haven’t developed the conversational skill on message boards that I have IRL, face to face with people. I am learning. None of this has anything to do with anything special on a board, though. What is being said here is just as true face-to-face as it is here. It is simply a dick move to express anger and demand a thank you for a gift. It’s bad enough to do it just to the person in question, but even worse to go gripe about it with everyone else. This is especially so when the gift was to help someone with something that is quite bad. Being upset about not getting a thank you seems petty in comparison. It’s not that attacking someone publicly is always bad, but, if the complaint itself is an ill-advised one, making it public only makes it worse. More generally, a good rule of thumb is to criticize people publicly either for things they did publicly, or things that are so bad that the public needs to know to protect themselves. Someone forgetting to thank me is not something that rises to the last level. And I apologize if any of this comes off as patronizing. I’m not even “finger wagging,” just hoping to clarify why I thought badly of your thread, and why I think others did. (They are, of course, free to tell me that I got something wrong.) ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/54 "2018-02-12T01:47:49Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > This entire business about so called “shaming” is bullshit. > > You don’t want to be shamed? Don’t drunkenly beg for money on the internet. Problem solved. Keep lecturing everyone else on civility. You set the civility bar so high, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/55 "2018-02-12T01:48:25Z")
Thanks BigT, and it did not come off as patronizing. I appreciated that. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/56 "2018-02-12T01:51:47Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It is simply a dick move to express anger and demand a thank you for a gift. Is it not a dick move to beg for money, and not give thanks to the individuals who donate? ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/57 "2018-02-12T01:57:08Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > Is it not a dick move to beg for money, and not give thanks to the individuals who donate? Of course it is polite to say thank you, but to publicly shame FGIE and nearly demand a thank you like I did was a faux pas. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/58 "2018-02-12T02:00:51Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > Is it not a dick move to beg for money, and not give thanks to the individuals who donate? > [@Folly](#): > > Without comment as to the sufficiency or timeliness of the thank you and really just for completeness, this was posted as an update to the gofundme (not immediately obvious) 26 days ago. > > “Quote: > I want to personally thank each and every one of you. I set my goal at $3000 because it forces me to set goal, and I didn’t know where to set a reasonable amount. I do solemnly appreciate everyone’s efforts to help me and you have my personal thanks and well wishes. This has been an immense help to me and my sons. THANK YOU SO MUCH!” Serious question: Are you legitimately mentally retarded? ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/59 "2018-02-12T02:01:35Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > This entire business about so called “shaming” is bullshit. > > You don’t want to be shamed? Don’t drunkenly beg for money on the internet. Problem solved. If you don’t want to be shamed, you shouldn’t post at all. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632/60 "2018-02-12T02:04:54Z")
> [@neofishboy](#): > > Serious question: Are you legitimately mentally retarded? No, are you? The SDMB is allegedly about fighting ignorance, not giving away money to random strangers on the internet. This isn’t facebook, for heaven’s sake. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foiegrasisevil-asked-for-money-and-i-gave-a-thank-you-would-ve-been-nice/808632.md?page=4)