# Folks sitting at their desks and refusing to interact **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 23, 2009, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113 "2009-04-23T17:07:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/61 "2009-04-24T17:25:13Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Asking her to get out the placards and sign-out sheet is asking her to do work. > > Asking a receptionist for directions is giving them work. If you were heading out to lunch and a coworker who is not on break has her hands full and asks you to hold the door, what do you do, let it slam in her face? Screw you, I’m on break!:rolleyes: Really, if you decide to take your break at your desk, how hard is it to extend you break and extra minute or two if you’re asked to do something? ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/62 "2009-04-24T17:31:47Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Really, if you decide to take your break at your desk, how hard is it to extend you break and extra minute or two if you’re asked to do something? It’s not a break if you’re expected to do work. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/63 "2009-04-24T17:36:12Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Really, if you decide to take your break at your desk, how hard is it to extend you break and extra minute or two if you’re asked to do something? It is hard if you’re hourly and have to be back on duty at an exact time. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/64 "2009-04-24T17:40:40Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > It is hard if you’re hourly and have to be back on duty at an exact time. Forget hourly - I’m salaried and I have to be back on duty at an exact time. Not all workers are office drones, you know - the desk needs to be staffed and somebody ELSE wants to go to lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/65 "2009-04-24T17:41:26Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Yeah, that might have been a better response. But when encountered with something so unexpected – a person sleeping at his desk, or a person who refuses to speak – I tend to have a lag in reaction. I’m sure a lot of people do. That’s within the normal range of human responses. You didn’t have a lag in reaction with Jean, you giggled. That is a reaction. I appreciate that you were caught off guard, but so perhaps was Jean, who was attempting to nap and suddenly the lights come on, but instead of someone saying, “Oh, sorry!” or quietly leaving, they _stand there and giggle_. So perhaps her rudeness can be excused as well as within the normal range of human responses when encountered with something so unexpected. > [@](#): > > In any case, there’s no reason to suspect I didn’t apologize or speak politely. I _always_ apologize, regardless of the situation. Whenever I make a request of anyone, for any reason, under any circumstances, my first instinct is to apologize before saying anything else. Again, your stated first response was to giggle, which was immediately followed by her unacceptable but perhaps understandable response of snapping at you. If you apologized and were polite after that, good, but your immediate behaviour really seems quite impolite to me, and while it doesn’t excuse someone being rude back, you don’t seem 100% innocent in these scenarios to me. All I’m trying to say is that if you keep being faced with coworkers being rude to you, instead of running to the union, would it hurt to just take a second to reflect upon whether you could possibly impact the direction of these encounters with a change in your own behaviour? ---
**Author:** ![atomicbadgerrace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@atomicbadgerrace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/atomicbadgerrace)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/66 "2009-04-24T17:44:30Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > See above. It’s rude to expect people not to talk to you when you’re sitting right in front of them. Maybe for you, but I’ve had coworkers sit near me that didn’t interact with me at all. It’s just how they are. Some people aren’t social, and don’t want to talk to you – especially on their time. > [@](#): > > Actually, this is simply a matter of human courtesy. If someone stops you on the street on “your own time,” to ask for directions, it’s rude to refuse to respond. Same if they’re standing in front of your desk. A courteous response is appropriate regardless of whether the person is on the street or in front of your desk, a stranger or a colleague, or the time of day. It’s rude to refuse to respond to such a simple question. I think I offered the best solution you’re going to find. Instead of approaching with “hey, can you help me with/tell me/etc,” what’s wrong with “hey, are you busy?” > [@](#): > > Just to see if I was completely out of left field on this, I discussed this matter with my union shop steward, and she agreed that this it’s unreasonable and unprofessional to be sitting at your desk and expecting that people won’t try to talk to you about work matters. She said that all three of the people involved have pretty good reputations for being difficult to work with and she said if this had happened to her, she would file a complaint with H.R. So I don’t think I’m out of line here. While their responses may not have been the most polite way to respond to your inquiries, I don’t think any formal complaint is warranted. In this thread alone, many posters have disagreed with your position – I don’t think it’s a stretch to suggest that the HR person who would get this puppy in their lap may agree with them. I think the shop steward is being a little drama-queeny about it. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/67 "2009-04-24T18:29:09Z")
> [@Elret](#): > > If you apologized and were polite after that, good, but your immediate behaviour really seems quite impolite to me, and while it doesn’t excuse someone being rude back, you don’t seem 100% innocent in these scenarios to me. I don’t agree that being caught off guard, nervous, and unsure of how to react is impoliteness. I giggled nervously because I was astonished. It’s not impolite to be surprised. > [@](#): > > All I’m trying to say is that if you keep being faced with coworkers being rude to you, instead of running to the union I’m interested in this phrase “running to the union.” I consulted my shop steward for advice and a second opinion. > [@](#): > > would it hurt to just take a second to reflect upon whether you could possibly impact the direction of these encounters with a change in your own behaviour? What it makes me think is that this seems to be a problem that needs to be addressed at the company level. No one should be put in this position, be it me, or another person at the company, or an outside client or contractor. It’s embarrassing and unprofessional. People shouldn’t be faced with making awkward apologies or snap decisions when all they’ve done is go to someone who is sitting at his or her work station to ask a question. This is the office. Nobody should ever be left with the feeling that they’ve barged in on your private life. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/68 "2009-04-24T18:29:15Z")
\*\*acsenray \*\*- Here’s the problem. The people who you are describing? Their job pretty much sucks. They have to spend their day at the beck and call of every idiot who needs something yesterday and they probably don’t get a lot of appreciation. There is zero room for advancement in those positions and they typically don’t have a lot of other options. That’s not an excuse for rudeness, however you can sort of see how people in those jobs aren’t particularly eager to go above and beyond either. I’ve always found it helpful to be pleasent and charming to the admin staff. Stop by to see how they are doing every once and awhile. Exchange gossip with them if they aren’t too busy (they always know all the important gossip). Some people are just jerks though. So with them, I guess you can just feel satisfaction from the fact that they are probably not rising much further in life. > [@gigi](#): > > I’m assuming you mean if your desk is visible to co-workers or the public? Putting your head down in a private office is OK? You probably shouldn’t do either. Unless you are putting in strings of 16 hours days, really you should be able to stay awake during the course of a normal business day. If you are sick, you should go home. Although, truth be told, my former bosses now empty office with the opaque windows can come in handy after a rough thursday night.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/69 "2009-04-24T18:35:04Z")
> [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](#): > > Especially when it’s clear they’re at lunch (which a sign and a game of solitaire are both evidence of). Usually when I see people playing solitaire they’re not on an official break. So I don’t see solitaire as a signal that they can’t be spoken to. ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/70 "2009-04-24T18:51:54Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Usually when I see people playing solitaire they’re not on an official break. So I don’t see solitaire as a signal that they can’t be spoken to. I don’t think most people are demanding that you not speak to these folks. Most of us are merely suggesting that _how_ you speak to them may make a difference in the response you receive. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/71 "2009-04-24T18:53:55Z")
It’s pretty clear to me that these people are expecting not to be spoken to at all. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/72 "2009-04-24T18:58:45Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > And ascenray, maybe she hoped the “lag” you experienced The “lag” in question is my own delay in trying to figure out how to respond to unprofessional and rude behavior. > [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > O Irony, you cold bitch. Yeah, it is ironic when I’m actually always polite. > [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Really, if you decide to take your break at your desk, how hard is it to extend you break and extra minute or two if you’re asked to do something? Or when you’re not actually asked to do something, but just have a brief conversation. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/73 "2009-04-24T20:42:58Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > You probably shouldn’t do either. Unless you are putting in strings of 16 hours days, really you should be able to stay awake during the course of a normal business day. If you are sick, you should go home. > > Although, truth be told, my former bosses now empty office with the opaque windows can come in handy after a rough thursday night.😉 🙂 There’s been maybe twice when I just had to put my head down for ten minutes, it was around coffee break time (10:30ish) and I closed my door and took that as a break rather than a stroll around the hall or to the coffee machine. I agree that one should be able to be functional all day at work but a short rest with the door closed seems reasonable once in a long while. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/74 "2009-04-24T21:19:59Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Yeah, it is ironic when I’m actually always polite. I’ll say! It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/75 "2009-04-24T22:51:22Z")
**Acsenray** , are you relatively new to this work place? Because it sounds to me like you may not have fully adapted to the local customs. I’ve never been in a place where putting out ‘at lunch’ signs was acceptable, but it certainly sounds like it must be at your place. At least, two different workers did it, and if it _weren’t_ okay with the management, surely a publicly displayed sign would have been reported to them and the employee dealt with. So, yeah, they were rude to you. But it hardly seems to rise to the level of “I’m so upset I must post about it on line and vent to my union rep” or whatever. Live, learn, move on. Anyway, now that you know about the signs, all you have to do is take a moment to look for one being displayed, or politely ask ‘Can you help me now?’ and they will have no reason to be rude to you. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/76 "2009-04-25T02:40:11Z")
No, I’m not relatively new. The majority of people don’t behave this way, so I don’t think it’s some kind of company-wide standard. This is three instances over a period of nine years. I interact with a lot of people in the company, and this seems to be part of some kind of limited subculture. I believe it’s supremely unprofessional. I don’t know that I’m going to do anything more about it, but my instinct it to let someone higher up know that at least one person doesn’t think it’s okay. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2009, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/77 "2009-04-25T03:39:58Z")
> [@Elret](#): > > I really, really like having lunch at my desk. I interact with my colleagues all day long, and at lunch I like to go online (like I’m doing right now), send a personal email or two, maybe make a phone call. I am frequently interrupted by people who don’t realize I’m on a break despite my having a sign up, like Jane Doe does. I’m polite to them because that’s just how I roll, but inwardly I am annoyed that despite my shoving food into my face, having clearly non-work related stuff up on my computer, and having a sign reading “ON LUNCH” people don’t seem to notice. > > So I think both sides should cut each other some slack. People should be able to spend their breaks wherever and however they most enjoy them, but those same people should be understanding and pleasant to those who don’t realize they’re on break and approach them for work-related stuff. > > On preview - my break IS valuable to me, but it’s valuable because it’s time to do the things I mentioned above that I want to use my break for. Today on my lunch I have called to book a dr appointment, done some online banking, sent an email to a friend asking what I need to bring to a shower this weekend, and am spending a couple of minutes on the SDMB. If I left my desk, I couldn’t do those things, and that’s what I want to use my break for. I agree with everything above. I don’t make personal appointments, emails, or research during working hours, so lunch is the only time I can do that with a clear conscience, and I need the computer/phone. I hate being bugged on my lunch, too, and I’ve put up a sign as well. It doesn’t help. Just leave me the f@#$ for 20 minutes. Please! Please! ---
**Author:** ![GameHat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@GameHat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GameHat)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2009, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/78 "2009-04-25T03:44:06Z")
Really the best solution for this ridiculousness is some give and take. That’s what I have at my job. I’m a professional, salaried. It’s understood that I’m there to get the work done, not punch a clock and be a douche about “lunch hour”. My boss gives me the flexibility to show up between 8-9a. If a lunch runs long once or twice a month, no big deal. If I have a dentist appointment on a workday, again - no biggie. A particularly nice-weather Friday - like today - nobody makes a fuss if I leave an hour early. The flip side - when there is a problem with a customer or in our production line, I am there to work until it’s resolved. Once or twice a month I’ll get about a one day notice that I need to visit an out-of-state customer for a day or two. And if production calls when I’m at lunch - well, lunch is over. I would have a really hard time not writing up someone on the spot for a rude rebuffal (“Don’t ask me to take a slip of paper out of my desk, I’m on lunch!”) I’d probably then scrutinize their time to the minute for the next couple of weeks and call them out on EVERYTHING ("I noticed you took four minutes for a personal call to your sick eight-year-old son. You need to do that on your break.) Once they exploded, I’ll calmly explain that they are not there to be a robot but to do a job, and that I was perfectly fine with a bit of flexibility but that the next time they acted like a child and refused even a simple request on a “break” they’d be shown the door. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/79 "2009-04-25T04:15:45Z")
None of these things could not have waited until after lunch. You are at least part of the problem. It would be interesting to hear what they have to say. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aca169/32.png) [@Red\_Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2009, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113/80 "2009-04-25T05:06:56Z")
You haven’t mentioned these things as a pattern of behavior. Just 3 incidents over a period of 9 years. I’d probably just chalk it up to catching some one on a bad day. They all seem a little rude (esp #2) but I can’t say I have not been at least a little rude to coworkers 3 times in the last 9 years (probably more). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/folks-sitting-at-their-desks-and-refusing-to-interact/494113.md?page=5)