# Fondly remembered lines from Mad magazine movie spoofs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 19, 2002, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743 "2002-07-19T02:36:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/1 "2002-07-19T02:36:57Z")
I haven’t picked up Mad magazine since the Carter administration, but I still remember and get a chuckle out of some of the lines in their movie satires: Star Wars: Luke, to C3PO (Creepio) when they first meet: “Hey, has anyone ever told you you look like an Oscar?” Creepio: “Well, take a good look, kid, because after your performance in this movie, this is as close as you are ever going to get” Obi Wan, to Stormtrooper:“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for”. Stormtrooper:“These aren’t the droids we’re looking for” Obi Wan:“He can go about his business” Stormtrooper:“You can go about your business” Luke:“That’s incredible, Ben! How did you do that?” Obi Wan:“The Force gives you power over weak minds” Luke:“The Force gives me power over weak minds” Obi Wan:“Keep driving” Luke:" Keep driving" Commander to Sentry, on Death Star:“Anything to report?” Sentry:“Just two guys, a couple of robots, a 97 year old man, and a seven foot ape” Commander:“OK, but if you see anything UNUSUAL let us know!” Anyone remember any others, other movies? ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/2 "2002-07-19T05:16:35Z")
I always liked the old standby: “This is just like what I did in my LAST movie!” “What are you talking about? THIS is your LAST movie!” ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/3 "2002-07-19T06:13:05Z")
I am paraphrasing from the “Annie” movie parody: ANNIE: “Leaping lizards!! Look at how realistic the movie sets are with all the poor people from the depression era!! BUM: “Surprise kid!! We are real poor people from Reagan’s recession era!! The studio set is on the next block!” ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/4 "2002-07-19T06:25:13Z")
I remember they did a musical parody of “Star Wars” in the early 80s. I wish I could remember anything from it cause the songs really worked well and I sang the whole think out loud quite a few times. Sadly the only thing I can recall is “Do you need a Han?” “No thank you, I’ll do it Solo.” ---
**Author:** ![PhillySteak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f6c823/32.png) [@PhillySteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PhillySteak)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/5 "2002-07-19T11:29:09Z")
One of my favourites, and funnily enough it’s also Star Wars; Return of the Jedi in this case. Darth Vader visits the (not yet complete) Death Star, and the commander is giving him an update on the construction. Commander: We’ve been working 14 hours a day, but the Death Star is not yet operational Vader: Well, double your efforts. Commander: You mean, work 28 hour days? Vader: I’m a sadist, not a mathematician. I love that last line, it still cracks me up! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/6 "2002-07-19T11:45:01Z")
In the spoof of **One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest** (“One Cuckoo Flew Over the Rest”): (After Watching Chief Bromden escape, having tossed the water thing through the window)“Hey, what are we getting excited about? The Chief was here _voluntarily_!” (Something that always did bother me about the story) From **201 Minutes of Space Idiocy** : –What’s for supper? –A Glass of Potatoes, a Glass of Steak, a Glass of Pie, and a Glass of Ice Cream. – Nothing to Drink? – Yeah, a Piece of Coffee … —That Old Man in the Room! He’s me! And he reveals something I never knew – that one day, I’d acrually _like_ creamed cauliflower! From \*\* A Voyage to See What’s on the Bottom\*\*: –Look! The SeaPew is being eaten by a monstrous purple jellyfish! – Purple? Evidently a _grape_ jellyfish! –That was the most Horrible thing I’ve seen in my life! –Evidently you missed Kim Novak in **Moll Flanders** From **Moroned** –I can see the Soviet astronaut coming over to our ship, but there’s nothing in his hands! –He must be bringing you Air! ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/7 "2002-07-19T11:50:04Z")
I remembered one from the spoof of Ralph Bashki’s Lord of the Rings: Sam, to Frodo, as Shelob attacks:“Oh, no! We’re being attacked by a giant spider! What are we going to do?!” Frodo (who has put on the Ring and disappeared):“Whaddya mean “we”, Sam?” ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/8 "2002-07-19T11:54:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Laughing Lagomorph \* > \*\*I haven’t picked up Mad magazine since the Carter administration, \*\* Go here— [http://www.warnerbros.com/pages/madmagazine/index.jsp](http://www.warnerbros.com/pages/madmagazine/index.jsp) enjoy. The discount subscription code phrase _might_ be in my sig line. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/9 "2002-07-19T13:32:35Z")
[Note to **Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor** - did you mean to misspell “zeppelin” in your sig? :)] [sub]signed, the dude who’s apparently into spellchecking sigs.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/10 "2002-07-19T13:55:14Z")
many thanks. 🙂 Now, get a haircut, you hippie! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/11 "2002-07-19T14:05:54Z")
[Uh oh… is he here in the office?] ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/12 "2002-07-19T16:42:35Z")
Their pardoy of “A Clockwork Orange” features one of the most hilarious lines ever… but it won’t make sense out of context, and there’s no way to explain the context without killing the joke. But for those who’ve seen it, remember the line… “This is better than karate!” - In the “Marathon Man” parody… Olivier: Is it safe? Hoffman: Is WHAT safe? Olivier: If I knew, would I be asking a 36 year old schmuck who’s still in college? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/13 "2002-07-19T16:47:49Z")
In the very old Star Trek parody “Star Blecchhh” Mr. Spook: “Why Captain, I can’t believe my ears!” Captain Kook: “I can’t believe your ears, either.” Rim shot, please. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/14 "2002-07-19T18:05:15Z")
Sorry I can’t remember the details (names, title…) but a line from Indiana Jones always stuck out. It is when Dr. Jones is about to climb down in the snake-filled room in Egypt. “Can I give you a Han?” “No, I think I’ll do it Solo.” Cracked me up when I was 12, stuck with me ever since. Speaking of Cracked, is that still around? 'Round these parts it was the combination of Mad and Cracked (mind you we always knew that Cracked lived in Mad’s shadow, but it was still required reading) that we looked forward to every month. Was it a regional thing, a short-lived thing, what? ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/15 "2002-07-19T18:15:04Z")
Sorry, should have taken a moment first. [Cracked.com](http://www.cracked.com/) After poking through some of those links, I am beginning to think Jack Chick is a setup by Cracked. Similar colors, style of drawing, inane stupidity… ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/16 "2002-07-19T18:19:19Z")
I vividly remember a line from a Star Trek parody too. Kirk and Spock had returned to 20th century Earth (like so many episodes), and I suppose the gag for this edition was that they’d landed in a 1970s ghetto. Regarding Kirk, one of the hoods shouts, “kill the mother!” and Spock muses, “I was unaware the Captain had ever borne children.” Cracks me up to this day. I remember Cracked, but vaguely. It seems like Mad was a lot better. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/17 "2002-07-19T18:33:02Z")
Hell, just the name “Chubby the Fatt” from the parody of _Return of the Jedi_ cracked me up for about half an hour…“He can’t see you now, he’s eating.” “Oh. When will he be done eating?” “Around June!” ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/18 "2002-07-19T18:51:19Z")
Anyone remember their “The Shining” parody? I think it was “The Shiner” (I think). Anyway, Wendy is swinging away at Jack with the baseball bat and keeps missing. She says: “Great. Of all the bats in the world, I get stuck with a Marv Throneberry model” Some years later, I found out who [Marv Throneberry](http://www.baseball-reference.com/t/thronma01.shtml) was (career .237 hitter, symbol of the hapless '62 Mets) and that joke came rushing back. Then at the end after Jack has frozen in the maze Danny asks his mother how they are going to make it with Jack no longer supporting them: Wendy: “It will be hard. You’ll have to sell newspapers before and after school. I may have to sell my body” Danny: “Gee, I’ll feel funny making more money than you do” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/19 "2002-07-19T18:55:13Z")
So did I get the point across that I only think it was called “The Shiner”? :rolleyes: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2002, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743/20 "2002-07-19T20:38:37Z")
The Same Marathon Man parody, where Lawrence Olivier has Dustin Hoffman strapped down in the dentist chair, ready to go to work on his teeth. LO: Careful, If I do this wrong, it could hurt a little bit. DH: And if you do it right? LO: Then it’ll hurt a LOT! hee hee [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fondly-remembered-lines-from-mad-magazine-movie-spoofs/119743.md?page=2)