# Foods you wish existed **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 7, 2014, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732 "2014-09-07T04:54:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/41 "2014-09-08T20:17:04Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > \*“Meester Simpson, you just made that one up!” > > \*(I actually ran across a soda with suspended candies in it some years ago in Canada. As gross as it sounds.) Orbitz? Aye, that stuff sucked. ---
**Author:** ![Boomstick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@Boomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/42 "2014-09-08T22:08:49Z")
Spinich dip flavored tortilla chips? ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/43 "2014-09-08T22:24:45Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Fish bread. An ordinary loaf of bread, but with a zesty fish flavor to it. You’ve got garlic bread; why not shrimp bread? Or anchovy bread? > > Bagels and lox, right? So why not a lox bagel, with the flavor baked right into the bread? > > Also: a blueberry milkshake! Yum! I’m sure there actually is such a thing, but I’ve never seen it. [Wish](http://bahbs.wordpress.com/2011/03/28/bob-vs-the-goog/) fulfilled. You’ll just have to go to Winnipeg to try it…Very Very good, I might add. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2014, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/44 "2014-09-08T23:36:08Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > When I was in the Georgian SSR, people (not me, I was 10, but a lot of the adult couples without children) had sparkling white wine with breakfast, … Wine for breakfast? They live large in Georgia. Aren’t walnuts a Georgia thing? Walnut wine, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/45 "2014-09-09T00:34:13Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > You might find that combining two different types of artificial sweeteners helps with the taste (it’s like they cancel each other out or something :p). I use one packet of Splenda and one packet of Truvia in my morning tea, and I can’t detect the chemical aftertaste of either one when they’re combined. > > And congratulations on the weight loss! TYVM!😃 And thanks for the tip-- I will try it in coffee or something. If that works, maybe chocolate cake! ---
**Author:** ![FlikTheBlue](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fliktheblue/32/10972_2.png) [@FlikTheBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlikTheBlue)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/46 "2014-09-09T01:15:18Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > A zero-calorie sweetener that didn’t taste like complete ass. I’ve changed my diet (and lost 25 pounds, tyvm) and really want to reduce my sugar intake even more than I have, but I just can’t stand the taste of any artificial sweeteners. I don’t care what it is or how much they promise that it tastes like real sugar, it doesn’t and it’s disgusting. My life would change with such a thing- it would open up a whole new world. Sigh. There actually is such a substance. [L-Glucose - Wikipedia](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/L-Glucose) If only somebody could figure out how to make it economically, that person would probably be a billionaire. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/47 "2014-09-09T01:40:48Z")
> [@FlikTheBlue](#): > > There actually is such a substance. [L-Glucose - Wikipedia](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/L-Glucose) > If only somebody could figure out how to make it economically, that person would probably be a billionaire. And if they also held stock in toilet paper, a trillionaire. (It’s a laxative, like so many other wonder “foods” that can’t be digested.) ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/48 "2014-09-09T02:18:15Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > [Soma](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carisoprodol) aka Carisprodol. > > A “muscle relaxer” with great abuse potential, it’s metabolized into meprobamate, a famous minor tranquilizer (think Miltown). It also potentiates the effects of opioids. I was having the most amazingly painful back spasms several years ago. As in curl-up-into-a-whimpering-ball-until-it-subsides painful. They gave me soma and vicodin; fixed me right up. And yes, got me slightly buzzed, too. Rose flavored LifeSavers. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/49 "2014-09-09T02:27:55Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Bagels and lox, right? So why not a lox bagel, with the flavor baked right into the bread? Because one of the major pleasures of lox, or of smoked salmon, is the texture. More specifically the temperature and texture and its contrast with the bread that it’s on. It’s not just a flavor that you could artificially inject into anything and get the same result, and really, neither is any good or interesting food. And speaking of texture – my vote: instant sushi! Something that you take out of your freezer where it keeps forever, do something magical to, and it turns into perfect freshly-prepared raw fish on a bed of perfectly formed melt-in-your-mouth soft rice with an intervening dab of just the right amount of wasabi, already pre-brushed with just the right amount of soy. It comes in about four dozen varieties and tastes exactly like what you’d get in the best sushi bars that import everything from Japan including their chefs. Whoever invents this deserves to be a trillionaire so rich that he could buy Bill Gates ten times over just with his lunch money and leave yachts as tips for his newspaper boy. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/50 "2014-09-09T02:47:13Z")
> [@Stealth\_Bragg](#): > > I don’t have an oven, just a microwave: so I want microwavable fish-fingers 🙂 This. It seems like such a waste to heat up the oven just for a few fish things. So I use the microwave, and convince myself that they’re supposed to be limp and all stuck together. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/51 "2014-09-09T16:56:52Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Fish bread. An ordinary loaf of bread, but with a zesty fish flavor to it. You’ve got garlic bread; why not shrimp bread? Or anchovy bread?.. Have you had shrimp toast? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/52 "2014-09-09T20:29:53Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > Because one of the major pleasures of lox, or of smoked salmon, is the texture. More specifically the temperature and texture and its contrast with the bread that it’s on. It’s not just a flavor that you could artificially inject into anything and get the same result, and really, neither is any good or interesting food. > > And speaking of texture – my vote: instant sushi! Something that you take out of your freezer where it keeps forever, do something magical to, and it turns into perfect freshly-prepared raw fish on a bed of perfectly formed melt-in-your-mouth soft rice with an intervening dab of just the right amount of wasabi, already pre-brushed with just the right amount of soy. It comes in about four dozen varieties and tastes exactly like what you’d get in the best sushi bars that import everything from Japan including their chefs. Whoever invents this deserves to be a trillionaire so rich that he could buy Bill Gates ten times over just with his lunch money and leave yachts as tips for his newspaper boy. - drools at 1st paragraph \* - makes complete and messy fool of self at 2nd paragraph \* > [@panache45](#): > > This. It seems like such a waste to heat up the oven just for a few fish things. So I use the microwave, and convince myself that they’re supposed to be limp and all stuck together. The toaster oven is your friend. Totally worth it for crispy oven-toasted snacks without the time and waste of heating up the whole big oven. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/53 "2014-09-09T22:03:07Z")
Protein and meal replacement bars that taste like a grilled cheese sandwich, or Spaghetti carbonara. (or whatever savory foods float your boat) ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2014, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/54 "2014-09-09T23:43:44Z")
Turkey McNuggets (or any fast food chicken strip) with Cranberry dipping sauce. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/55 "2014-09-10T06:56:55Z")
I’d suggest lobster meat sold the way they do crab meat, but more than likely the reason they don’t sell it is it’s too expensive. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/56 "2014-09-10T07:01:15Z")
> [@diggerwam](#): > > Turkey McNuggets (or any fast food chicken strip) with Cranberry dipping sauce. That sounds awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Sodalite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@Sodalite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sodalite)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/57 "2014-09-10T07:29:08Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > Whoever invents this deserves to be a trillionaire so rich that he could buy Bill Gates ten times over just with his lunch money and leave yachts as tips for his newspaper boy. Hijack: I just had to say that this sentence made me giggle uncontrollably for about a minute. I have no idea why. I guess you just have a way with words. 🙂 :Hijack ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/58 "2014-09-10T14:16:01Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#): > > Orbitz? Aye, that stuff sucked. And then some. Whenever I see an Orbitz gum commercial, I think of the soda. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/59 "2014-09-10T20:03:07Z")
> [@Stealth\_Bragg](#): > > I don’t have an oven, just a microwave: so I want microwavable fish-fingers 🙂 Whoa! What? Fish with fingers would be more like…lizards! 😃 But a $20 toaster-oven will still let you cook 'em up crispy. As I finished the bag last night, I was thinking I’d like fat-free/oil-free Fritos. And, once they can do that, bring back some really thick O’Grady’s style potato chips. —G! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732/60 "2014-09-12T03:07:59Z")
A lot of the sweets from Harry Potter. Yeah, I know you can get versions of them – Bertie Botts, Chocolate Frogs, etc. But I want the ones that actually have the magic effects, like the peppermint toads that hop around in your stomach, or the toothflossing mints. Or the ones from the movie that let you make real animal noises, or smoke from the ears and nose. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foods-you-wish-existed/697732.md?page=4)