# Foot-in-mouth stories...post your shame! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foot-in-mouth-stories-post-your-shame/459988 "2008-08-14T15:46:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foot-in-mouth-stories-post-your-shame/459988/61 "2008-08-20T21:30:57Z")
[QUOTE=Sublata] Long, long ago I worked in a relatively small law firm. One paralegal there was morbidly obese, and in an office full of skinnies she must have felt very self-conscious. Anyway, one day she comes into my cubicle and asks if I have a three-ring binder I can give her. “Sure!” I chirp helpfully, “I’ve got a bunch! But what size do you need? – one of the little skinny ones, or a big fat wide one?” I didn’t even realize what I had said until I looked up and found her staring at me with a why-don’t-you-die-and-go-straight-to-hell expression in her eyes. And I **did** want to die, for a minute there. [/QUOTE] You’re OK–skinny could be construed as a judgment as well, so you are equally guilty, and therefore equally innocent. ---
**Author:** ![bundykala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@bundykala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bundykala)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2008, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foot-in-mouth-stories-post-your-shame/459988/62 "2008-08-22T03:12:41Z")
My brother had to do a kinda pointless assignment for a compsci class a week or two ago which involved creating a blog and putting two posts on it. He has a rather twisted sense of humour. This is what he wrote: > [@](#): > > Thursday, August 7, 2008 > Sorry about your cat > > Apparently fourteen nails from a nailgun was a bit much to use for ‘i haz many nail lol’. Maybe the first eight would have just been pentrative injuries and after that, when the lives were used up, it was just getting deader and deader. > > Made me laugh though. Ha. > Posted by [**Sibling**] at 8:33 PM 0 comments > Blogging > > I’ve always been intensely fascinated with the ramblings of half-witted Americans written in the first person. Gosh, is that your cat! Can I staple a caption to it? > Posted by [**Sibling**] at 8:31 PM 0 comments The day it was due, he asked the woman who would be marking it if she was a cat person. Turns out she was… and her cat had died the previous day. Great timing. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2008, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foot-in-mouth-stories-post-your-shame/459988/63 "2008-08-23T01:25:58Z")
My Boss had a good one on Wednesday. Four Mets tickets landed in his hands from a client and he took another guy and I to the game. I’m not a Mets fan, but I’m not a hater either…and since they were playing Atlanta, I knew I could root for them beating Ted ‘Colorized Classics’ Turner’s Braves. We were stunned to find ourselves three rows behind the Mets dugout & looking at the backs of the heads of the player’s wives; first base was about the distance from the front door of our office to the office copier. I’m buying us all hotdogs when my Boss asks loudly, “I wonder which one is Willie Randolph…?” :smack: :smack: :smack: What I almost said: “I think he’s the guy in the Orange shirt over there with the crate of beers on his head.” What I actually said: “I don’t think he’s with them anymore.” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2008, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foot-in-mouth-stories-post-your-shame/459988/64 "2008-08-23T08:55:03Z")
I was in an art class at UNM once and we were setting up some easels. When I had set up mine I had a screw left over. I turned and saw an older student who seemed to be having some difficulties with his easel; he looked rather confused. I extended my hand, with the screw in it, and helpfully asked him “Do you wanna screw?” “It’s a Freudian day, isn’t it?” one of my friends said. The guy didn’t want the screw, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2008, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foot-in-mouth-stories-post-your-shame/459988/65 "2008-08-23T10:13:41Z")
The father of the person I bought my house from died of a heart attack helping her move out. While we were going over the house we ended up talking about some heavy object and I said I wasn’t planning on killing myself lifting it. Dead silence :smack: Oh, and for the pun I just made. :smack: Stop doing that, your digging yourself a hole … Yes, I felt really bad. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foot-in-mouth-stories-post-your-shame/459988.md?page=3)