# For Christ's Sake, Stop Coming to Our House! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 1, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516 "2005-09-01T00:27:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/41 "2005-09-01T14:29:11Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Like, **Lissa** , why the hell do you have a phone in the first place if you don’t use it for, like, communication? You want to be left alone? Cut the fucking phone off. > > And board up your front door. Simple. I have a phone because I want it to be available when I want to use it, not for the convenience of others. Secondly, we need it because of my husband’s job. He’s second-in-charge of a prison, and there are times when they need to inform him of issues which arise or have questions which only he can answer. They leave a message, and we call back. Simple. No need to board up my front door. It has a lock. > [@kambuckta](#): > > But Lissa started this thread on the basis of ‘anybody who was not invited or was not expected should not be allowed to contact her’, and I think that sucks. Sometimes people knock at your door, and sometimes people ring at unexpected times. Apart from when being in the throes of sexual passion, isn’t it easier to just answer the door or the phone and tell the unexpected visitors to call back another time? I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love once put a sign on their hotel room door: “No More Famous People, Please. We’re Fucking!” No, it’s not easier, unless you want to get a repuation for being nasty. I once felt the same as you, and thought people would understand if I politely explained we didn’t want company. Instead, people wheedle and whine, “I won’t stay long, I promise. . . . I don’t care that the house is a mess! . . . . You’re sick? I’ll just stand by the couch and tallk to you. . . . You’re in your PJs? I’ll wait for you to get dressed! . . . You’re baking something? I’ll help!” And Christ help me if it’s the neighbor lady. I could tell her my dog was on fire, and she’d still stand there, yapping, increasing the speed of her words until she sounds like a auctioneer, clutching the screen door desperately. There really is no polite but firm way to tell people to leave. You can try several gentle tactics, but you ultimately end up being short and snappy because nothing else works. Then people tell everyone what a bitch you are. Easier just to avoid the entire situation. > [@kambuckta](#): > > Are you lot seriously telling me that you don’t answer doorknocks, even without knowing who is there, and don’t answer the phone unless there are three secret rings and a special password on the answering machine? The secret password is a polite call the day before, “Hey, Lissa, we’d like to come over tomorrow evening.” Sure! I say, we’d love to have you. The “secret ring” on the phone is a concise message, “Lissa, I need to speak to you about X, Y and Z.” > [@](#): > > Fucking hell. Sucks to be you then. No, it really doesn’t. I’m a very happy person, who has a great home life. I just want to be left in peace by those who wish to intrude upon it. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. > [@](#): > > Enjoy your social paranoia, I hope it gets your adrenaline going in some weird and warped way. No, not at all. It makes me irritated, but less so than I would be having to entertain with no notice. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/42 "2005-09-01T14:35:05Z")
So am I the only one that adores surprise visits from friends who were in the neighborhood? They totally make my day. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/43 "2005-09-01T14:37:24Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > I have a phone because I want it to be available when I want to use it, not for the convenience of others. Secondly, we need it because of my husband’s job. He’s second-in-charge of a prison, and there are times when they need to inform him of issues which arise or have questions which only he can answer. They leave a message, and we call back. Simple. > > No need to board up my front door. It has a lock. > > Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love once put a sign on their hotel room door: “No More Famous People, Please. We’re Fucking!” > > No, it’s not easier, unless you want to get a repuation for being nasty. I once felt the same as you, and thought people would understand if I politely explained we didn’t want company. > > Instead, people wheedle and whine, “I won’t stay long, I promise. . . . I don’t care that the house is a mess! . . . . You’re sick? I’ll just stand by the couch and tallk to you. . . . You’re in your PJs? I’ll wait for you to get dressed! . . . You’re baking something? I’ll help!” > > And Christ help me if it’s the neighbor lady. I could tell her my dog was on fire, and she’d still stand there, yapping, increasing the speed of her words until she sounds like a auctioneer, clutching the screen door desperately. > > There really is no polite but firm way to tell people to leave. You can try several gentle tactics, but you ultimately end up being short and snappy because nothing else works. Then people tell everyone what a bitch you are. > > Easier just to avoid the entire situation. > > The secret password is a polite call the day before, “Hey, Lissa, we’d like to come over tomorrow evening.” Sure! I say, we’d love to have you. > > The “secret ring” on the phone is a concise message, “Lissa, I need to speak to you about X, Y and Z.” > > No, it really doesn’t. I’m a very happy person, who has a great home life. I just want to be left in peace by those who wish to intrude upon it. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. > > No, not at all. It makes me irritated, but less so than I would be having to entertain with no notice. You sound like you have had a very hard time of it **Lissa.** I apologize for my more flippant remarks. Irritation and annoyance can be very hard things to live with. I wish you well. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/44 "2005-09-01T14:42:09Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > So am I the only one that adores surprise visits from friends who were in the neighborhood? They totally make my day. Nah, me too LaurAnge. I love having knocks at the door, ‘cos it means that it is one of the kids’ friends who has learned some basic manners about knocking at the door before they barge their way in. All of _my_ boring friends call before they rock up. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/45 "2005-09-01T14:43:08Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Yeah. Much clearer. > > _Clearer_ that you’re so fucking paranoid and/or self-absorbed that you think that anybody ringing you or knocking on your door is out to fuck you over. > > Get a fucking life. My biggest bitch is, the people who bang on the door or call me on the phone are sales or charity types, and they always call while I am trying to choke down some dinner. Even worse, they do not understand the words “no thank you” or “not interested”. One pushy salesman kept coming over, every day, even after I said NO, even after I got nasty. The people I do socialize with understand that I get home the same time every day, and generally eat dinner the same time every day. They allow me some time to unwind and take care of MY stuff. It isn’t about fucking over. It is about courtesy and privacy and respect. Like oithers said, my phone is for my convenience. My door is for keeping people out. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/46 "2005-09-01T14:50:35Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > My door is for keeping people out. _My_ door is for letting people **in.** That’s what doors are for, afterall. YMMV as it obviously does. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/47 "2005-09-01T14:53:03Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > I think the term is _Bitch,_ actually. 😃 > > I’ve got girlie bits. I will use bitch then. I.e. Bastard is a term that does not denote male, but a irresponsible father who won’t acknowledge the child, boy or girl, bitch. (is that better?) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/48 "2005-09-01T14:57:17Z")
The thing is here, we are NOT talking about unsolicited telemarketing calls or whatever.\*\* Lissa \*\* was complaining about somebody knocking at her door when she hadn’t invited them, therefore she was not going to answer the door!! And my PERSONAL opinion is, if somebody knocks at your door, and you are in your dressing gown and your partner is hacking away with the Lurgy upstairs, you answer the door and tell the _visitor_ to naff off **because** you are in your dressing gown and your lover has the Lurgy upstairs. It’s simple. Why not answer the doorknock?? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/49 "2005-09-01T14:58:05Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > So am I the only one that adores surprise visits from friends who were in the neighborhood? They totally make my day. No. I love suprise visitors. I love houseguests. Mi casa es su casa, and all that. Then again, I’ve never had nosy or gossipy neighbors who show up on my doorstep at 6 a.m. in the morning. In fact, since the old neighbors have moved out, I really don’t even know my neighbors. All I know is somehow we began cutting each other’s grass without having talked. And I respect those who don’t and do not show up unannounced unless I know the person I’m visiting doesn’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/50 "2005-09-01T15:16:38Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > _My_ door is for letting people **in.** > > That’s what doors are for, afterall. YMMV as it obviously does. 😃 Then why do you have a door at all? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/51 "2005-09-01T15:18:34Z")
Aww **Homey** I’d answer the door nekkid with a jar of choco-peanut sauce in hand if it were you. 😃 **kambuckta** , first, I am going to make it a personal quest to tell somebody to _naff off_ cause I really like that phrase. Second, I can be super bastard when I wanna be, so sorry if I offended. Friends and neighbors come in through the garage and knock on the kitchen door. Those people I welcome. Plus, if I don’t wanna be bothered, the garage door is closed so nobody can come in that way. If the front doorbell rings I know it’s somebody I don’t know. So, unless I am expecting something to be delivered, I will ignore it. When I don’t answer my phone it’s because I’m busy or just don’t want to. Hence the wonders of caller ID and the built in answering machine which I call TAD (Telephone Answering Device). If whoever’s calling needs to expound upon their reason for calling, they can tell TAD and TAD, in turn, will blink its little green light at me to let me know. Plus, half the time I forget where I laid the damn phone down somewhere and have to hunt it down to answer it. That is, if I feel like it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/52 "2005-09-01T15:54:14Z")
My friends and family love me. They know to call first. Where I come from, it’s rude to just drive up in someone’s yard without letting them know first. My neighbors know to knock and announce themselves. At which I’ll put on some clothes and answer the door. There are too many home invasion robberies here for me to just open my door anytime a stranger knocks. The doorbell rang on Saturday after DeHusband came home from work. and he answered it. It’s the police asking if we heard our neighbors being robbed. They advised us to be very careful about opening the door to strangers. If I’m alone I won’t open the door. ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/53 "2005-09-01T15:54:41Z")
Whew! I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t need to be accessable 24/7. Really, no slight to **Lissa** et al, but I doubt that she is _sooooo_ vital to the functioning of life as we know it that she simply must be accessable at all times. I _hate_ it when people ‘just stop by’ because I probably haven’t showered and dressed, am in the middle of something, or just plain am enjoying some quality time with my recliner or the SDMB. Seriously…remember way back in the early '90’s when only people in life or death decision making positions were vitally important anough to have answering services that knew where they were at all times? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/54 "2005-09-01T16:21:38Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Like, **Lissa** , why the hell do you have a phone in the first place if you don’t use it for, like, communication? You want to be left alone? Cut the fucking phone off. You remind me of the subject of the OP in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=51270). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/55 "2005-09-01T16:36:19Z")
Your experience is different from those of us who interact socially on our own terms, **kambuckta**. Please do us the favour of respecting our differences instead of implying that we are abnormal and dysfunctional. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/56 "2005-09-01T17:31:13Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > You remind me of the subject of the OP in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=51270). I propose we adopt **Cervaise’s Law** : "Whenever there is a thread involving debate over whether or not one answer’s one’s home telephone, somebody will inevitably link to _The Telemarketer Speaks, I Respond_. 😃 Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/57 "2005-09-01T17:38:46Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Your experience is different from those of us who interact socially on our own terms, **kambuckta**. Please do us the favour of respecting our differences instead of implying that we are abnormal and dysfunctional. No, no, you’re going about this the wrong way. Ahem. You are absolutely right, **kambuckta**. We are all abnormal and dysfunctional. For your own safety and ours, you must shun us. You can’t tell what we’ll do next! Look out! Run, run away while you can!!! Run for your life!!! Think it worked? ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/58 "2005-09-01T18:18:21Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > Yeah. Much clearer. > > _Clearer_ that you’re so fucking paranoid and/or self-absorbed that you think that anybody ringing you or knocking on your door is out to fuck you over. > > Get a fucking life. > > If, when you open your door there is someone there who you are not prepared to _entertain_, then tell them so in either certain or no uncertain terms. > > If someone rings you and you don’t want to converse with them, tell them so in either certain or no uncertain terms. > > But don’t NOT answer the door or answer the phone because you’re too fucking precious to do so. That just reeks. > > My GOD some of you people worry me. Boy, you must not have much to do if you’re never too busy to answer the phone or the door. Some of us don’t spend our entire lives sitting, waiting for someone to call or knock; I’ll spare you my condolences for your pitiful life if you’ll kindly recognize that some of us are busy sometimes. I, for one, value my privacy and a certain amount of solitude in the evenings after working or going to school during the day. I am very often willing to cut those things short in order to be sociable. But I’m not always willing, and when I’m not, I don’t bother to answer the phone. I don’t carry a cell phone either - given that if I’m not at home I’m not generally in a position to accept phone calls, it makes no sense to maintain that amount of connectedness. I have very little sympathy for folks who feel entitled to see me whenever is convenient for them. Nevertheless, I hope your intense loneliness is relieved some day, **kambuckta**. Anyhow, **Lynn Bodoni** is my new personal hero. I’ll be building a small shrine to her in my living room. Possibly in the form of a gunrack next to the front door. > [@Lissa](#): > > Instead, people wheedle and whine, “I won’t stay long, I promise. . . . I don’t care that the house is a mess! . . . . You’re sick? I’ll just stand by the couch and tallk to you. . . . You’re in your PJs? I’ll wait for you to get dressed! . . . You’re baking something? I’ll help!” Christ do I hate that! I have a dear friend who has been known to unexpectedly drop by. It’s sweet that you drove across town to see me, but sometimes when I get home from work, I just wanna laze around on the computer or spend quality time with the cats or read a good book. If I answer the door in my underwear (typical lazing-about-the-house clothes for me), don’t expect me to get myself all dolled up to go out somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/59 "2005-09-01T18:33:54Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > –snip– > Anyhow, **Lynn Bodoni** is my new personal hero. I’ll be building a small shrine to her in my living room. Possibly in the form of a gunrack next to the front door. > –snip– Throw in some good chocolate, nice incense and a modem and this could work! ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/60 "2005-09-01T18:34:07Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > If we did not answer the phone the first time, calling repeatedly and hanging up before the machine answers does not make us do so. I also have to say a-fucking-men to this. Although I am likely to answer the door (depending on who it is, of course), I am very unlikely to answer the damn phone. I have Caller ID and an answering machine. Best inventions ever, IMO. If I don’t know who it is or just don’t feel like talking to whoever is calling (Sorry, Mom), I’ll let the machine get it. We don’t answer the phone during dinner, or during certain TV shows. I don’t answer it when I’m doing something for work. When I get in a groove and need to concentrate, sorry, but I don’t answer the phone. That’s what the freaking answering machine is for! And while we’re bitching, LEAVE A DAMN MESSAGE! What year is this? Who doesn’t know how to leave a damn message on an answering machine? Why is that so difficult to figure out? We don’t have a cutesy message, no annoying kids singing anything, just, “Hi, you’ve reached **phone number** , we’re out right now, but leave a message and we’ll call you back. BEEP” That’s your signal to leave your name, a brief message and your phone number _(Mom, that doesn’t apply to you. I remember your phone number. It’s the same one we had when I was growing up.)_. Then I’ll call you back. What I really hate are the people who just leave dead air - you can hear them breathing, or they sigh, like they can’t figure out what they’re supposed to do. It goes on for a minute or two and then they hang up without saying anything. Morons. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516.md?page=4)