# For Christ's Sake, Stop Coming to Our House! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 1, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516 "2005-09-01T00:27:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/81 "2005-09-02T14:51:15Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > The door is different. The person usually knows whether you’re home or not. You MIGHT be giving them the impression that you saw them coming and that’s kind of rude. It’s almost like sticking your fingers in your ears when they start talking and saying “nanny nanny boo boo”. Usually, I get responses like, “You must have been in the shower,” or “You must have gone on a walk.” Bless their egos, they cannot fathom that someone would purposefully ignore them-- they always make excuses for me. > [@](#): > > It’s saying, “whatever you have to say is less important than what I’m doing right now” (which is probably watching TV). Damn skippy! I have the odd belief that I should get to prioritize in my own home. If I feel that reading my book is more important than washing the dishes, so be it. If I decide to wear my pajamas all day long and I don’t want anyone to see, so be it. If I decide that picking the lint from my dryer screen is more important than what some random person has to say, so be it. If the message is important, they can leave a note or message on my machine. They don’t need to say it to my face. > [@](#): > > Even if you’re cooking supper, working on a project, or reading a book, you can find the time to answer your door. It’s not a matter of not having time, it’s not wanting to WASTE my time. Both Hubby and I deal with people all day long. We both look forward to the peace and quiet our home provides. It’s our island in a sea of chaos. > [@](#): > > Now, in the OP’s situation or having bothersome subordinates or talky neighbors. . .sorry, but that just indicates to me that you don’t have the social skills to define the boundaries with people. Your husband’s inability to tell his employees not to bother him at the house or your neighbor not understanding that you only want to be bothered in case of emergency or with advanced warning is YOUR fault. Not theirs. My social skills are just fine, thank you. The thing is, my neighbor’s skills and the skills of those employees who pound on our door are not. They do not accept hints. Subtety zooms right past them. Polite requests are ignored. Blunt statements are pushed aside. The only way to get rid of them in a timely fashion would literally be to push them off the stoop and slam the door. My husband has also explained time and again about our desire for privacy. People think that their needs trump this, though. Everyone thinks that theirs is a special circumstance. I do not believe that it is my husband and I who need work on our social skills, but those who insist on ignoring our requests. > [@](#): > > Most people don’t mind having their doors knocked on. Since you’re unable to communicate that you’re not one of them, you take, essentially, a coward’s way out – you’re choosing not to deal with the problem. In my opinion, it’s the simplest way of dealing with it. They get to make all of the ego-soothing excuses, and I don’t have to spend ten minutes arguing politely about why they can’t come in for a visit. If it’s cowardly, so be it. I’d rather be a coward than considered a bitch. > [@](#): > > A salesperson? Come on. Why even open the door. I crack it and before they can even start to speak I say, “sorry not interested” shut the door and walk away. Why bother? Why waste your time and his, especially since he’s probably going to try again, and again, and again. Really, what good does it do the salesman to be told you’re not interested as opposed to ignoring his summons? Secondly, I don’t usually crack the door for those I don’t know. Home invasion is not unheard of these days. Why take the risk? ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/82 "2005-09-02T15:04:09Z")
How often do people come by unannounced? In the past four years, I’ve only had one person knock on my door unexpectedly and that was the Jehovah’s witnesses who came by on the day we were painting. They saw we were busy, and left a tract. Any friends who may be in the neighborhood will call to see if they can stop by. Luckily, the everyone in the neighborhood is friendly, but believes in personal space. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/83 "2005-09-02T15:20:41Z")
> [@brujo](#): > > How often do people come by unannounced? At least once or twice a week. At certain times of the year, it’s worse-- election time, for example, or when the churches have their annual recruitment drives. (And my town probably has more churches per capita than most cities.) At my husband’s work, there’s always a “crisis” looming. It’s very much like highschool, lots of backstabbing, in-fighting and various assorted childish nastiness. People won’t cooperate with so-and-so, because so-and-so is an enemy of such-and-such. People always want to inform him of the “plotting” going on behind his back and petty rebellions against this person or that. When you’re in that little world, it seems of dire importance, but from the outside, it’s sort of pathetic, like listening to teenage girls scheming to be popular. They race to be the first to tell their side of the story, calling franitcally or beating on the door. In my opinion, the only things that justify that sort of alarm and haste are if an assault has happened or a riot is looming, not if so-and-so said something nasty about another employee. My husband says his work life would be great if all he had to deal with were inmates. The employees give him more headaches than they do! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/84 "2005-09-02T15:37:18Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > \Maybe you could show me where in that etiquette book, the appropriate response to a nosy neighbor is answering the door in your underwear with a rifle in your hands. > \ That’s an etiquette book I would buy. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/85 "2005-09-02T16:03:08Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > I guarantee there was a way to get Lynn’s neighbor to quit bothering her without the use of a firearm. Quite possibly, but so what? The way that did involve the use of a firearm seemed to work perfectly, and I’m not one to argue with success. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/86 "2005-09-02T16:14:39Z")
I can sooo feel your pain. I am of much the same aspect. If you are not my intimate friend, you should call first. You have heard me speak before on my bedridden Mother in law, who lives in our home. This neccesitates much coming and going of personages. Caregivers, doctors, casemanagers, daughters from out of town, on and on endlessly. But lets not overlook her old lady friends, one of whom simply refuses to call first, no matter that I have asked her repeadedly to do so. When we were still caring for MIL in her apt. this woman didn’t even knock, just walked in. But, hey, no biggie, they are friends 50 yrs, and it wasn’t my house. Well, now (and for the last 4 yrs) it is my house. I don’t think you should just walk in, you are the reason I keep the door locked. Now don’t get me wrong, old lady visits are a sure tonic for MIL so I’m not against it in any way. But my spouse and I have some privacy rights. Sister in law, also just walks right in, no knocking. Also shows up 45 mins early for family occasions, yeah, that’s always welcome. My husband works, in part, from our home, late into the night. All our lives we have, neither been early risers. Mrs. Never Calls comes to my door at 9:15 am without calling first. MIL’s room, curtains drawn, light off. Front door blind pulled down, she could see in the kitchen door, no lights on and me in my bedclothes. Worse yet MIL had a really difficult evening, we had both been up, her and I, since 2:30 am, she had only just fallen back to sleep and 8:30am. When I open the door, she just smiles. I point out we’ve had a difficult evening and this is not a good time for us. Her response? “Do you know who I am?” I say, I do, and point out she should have called first. “I was just in the neighbourhood.” Yeah, I get it, it was convenient for you, thinking but not saying. Next she says something along the lines of, “I don’t know when I’ll get by again.” I was taught to be respectful to elderly ladies but this one is hitting all my buttons. So I politely tell her, again, “I’m sorry Mrs Never Calls but I’m sure you understand that MIL’s need must come first.” So that day began with being put into a position of crushing the hopes of two old women. Thanks for that. I know MIL would have loved a visit, but I cannot prioratize that above a couple of hours sleep before the homecare arrives. I knew it was the lack of sleep robbing me of perspective, but it just bummed me out huge, it felt like I’d shot someone’s dog. We once also returned from buying groceries on Sat afternoon to find Mrs Never Calls sitting on our side stoop. Her first words? “Where were you?”, direct, blunt and rude. I pointed out that at our house we actually have to go out and get the groceries. I am a very private person by nature, living in a world transformed, people coming and going. I cannot avoid the phone I too many calls to pharmacists, dr’s, etc, etc. As a result, I find these little things very vexing. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/87 "2005-09-02T17:14:44Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Maybe repeated calls to your answering machine are an attempt to tell you that it’s important. If it’s _that_ important, and you don’t leave a message the first time, it ain’t that important. **Lynn** , you are my hero too. I’ve never taken a gun to the door, but I did leave one laying in plain sight: Me and a roommate back in college were up early on a Sunday morning (around 10:AM), when we heard those “holy rollers” knocking on doors around the apartment complex (we could hear 'em walking up and down the rickety stairs along the decks, too). All of a sudden, we got this idea: We raided our trash can for some old papers and a few empty liquor bottles, and scattered 'em around the living room. I ran and got my AR, set her on the kitchen counter, and dropped a few rounds on the floor. My roommate got his shotgun and leaned it up by the TV. We both took a swig of what whiskey we had left. He lit a cigarette, and started smoking. I threw some Led Zeppelin in the stereo. T’was a sight to behold. Well, I went into the kitchen to start some brunch and give them time to get to our place. After a few minutes (and some scrambled eggs served), they knocked and my roommate answered the door with a lit cig hanging out of his mouth, hair disheveled, reeking of whiskey, and asked, “Yeah?” Some Lady with some other lady [Southern Drawl]: “Have you found ‘Jeeeezus’ yet, my friend?” Roommate: “Huh? ‘Hay-soos’? No. We left him at the bar last night.” SL: “No, Jeeezus, Jeeezus Chriaast. Have you found him as your Lord and Saviouur?” Me interrupting [Jersey accent]: “Yo, who is it?” Roommate: Looks back at me, “I don’t know. . .” Me: “Is it one of them church ladies? Ask 'er if she wants any eggs.” Roommate: “You want any eggs for breakfast?” SL: Looks around the place, “Well, no, thank you. Do you boys know Jeezus?” Roommate: “I think so.” He points at me, “He don’t. He’s a Devil Worshipper.” SL: Astonished, and a little overcome by the whole scene. “He _is?_” :eek: I heard this, and interrupted, “Yep! Since October 5th, 1982!” At this point, the lady is looking around at things while talking with my roommate and noticing what’s inside. My roommate keeps smoking the whole time, and keeps it real ‘hick-like’. Not 30 seconds of conversation goes by when she shoves a couple of brochures in his hand, grabs her friend, and runs like hell. My roommate tells me that he hears them briskly walking off, hearing them say to each other, “pray for those boys souls”, and “not like us” in their escape. We laughed our asses off for better part of 10 minutes. Shortly thereafter, I sat down and ate my omelet. I pondered the fact that yeah, I’m probably going to Hell for that one. . . Tripler That “Devil Worshipper” joke never, and I mean _never_ gets old. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/88 "2005-09-02T20:50:04Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > Yeah, I probably can, assuming I’m not up to my elbows in bread dough, or naked, or fucking, or don’t want to miss part of my TV show. Or? Didn’t you mean “and”? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/89 "2005-09-02T21:27:51Z")
Hey, Lynn was _subtle_ compared to [Master Wang-Ka](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4600087&postcount=31)! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/90 "2005-09-02T21:35:19Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > If you’re a guy who used to live in Georgia, then I think we lived together for 13 years. You sound just like him. Life must stop if the phone rings. Geez! Answer your damn phone and front door in the middle of sex if you must. I ain’t doin’ it if I don’t wanna. Also, you might want to check with your doctor about some prozac or something. OK, **bear**. Two things. 1. Prozac is NOT thorazine. One can be on Prozac and still get annoyed and have that little internal struggle when choosing not to answer the phone. It may not be effective for your assumed purpose. 2. Thanks just SO much for giving me the opportunity of visualizing you engaged in hot man-sex and then pausing briefly to attend to the unwary visitor (probably a Jehovas Witness no less!) on your front porch in your hairy alogether. I won’t be right all week now. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/91 "2005-09-02T21:36:18Z")
I want a butler. That way I can just have him tell people that I’m not at home rather than simply not answering the door- and no, I feel absolutely no obligation to answer the door to salespersons or other unsolicited drop-ins. I would open the door to friends, though, if any of mine were in the habit of dropping by, though I’d prefer to have the old small-town setup of friends coming to the back door, salesfolk coming to the front door. We always answered the back door, but rarely answered the front door. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/92 "2005-09-02T23:02:04Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > I won’t be right all week now. 😃 Well, you’re never “right”, so it’s not really swampy’s fault… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/93 "2005-09-02T23:20:59Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > 1. My neighbor, with whom I go great lengths to avoid talking. It’s not that she’s unpleasant or rude, it’s just that she won’t shut up. Getting caught by her on my way out to the car to go to work is an ordeal. Even if you tell her you’re terribly late, she keeps yapping. I once did something incredibly rude when I could stay absolutely no longer: I abruptly turned walked away from her. She simply blathered on as she trotted behind me. > > The worst part is that she _knows_ people don’t want to talk to her, so she talks faster so she can get out all that she wants to say before her audience escapes. We know her ex-husband. He says their marriage ended not because she’s a bad person or anything, but because in thirteen years, she never once shut up. Bloody hell. You live next door to my admin assistant? My apologies. There really is no polite way of shutting the woman up. Turning and starting a conversation with someone else helps, but not much. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2005, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/94 "2005-09-02T23:47:13Z")
I must say that I side with\*\* kambuckta\*\* and\*\* Laurange \*\* on this one, and a lot of you really seem too full of your own importance: self-centred, cranky, whiny prigs. As for Lynn’s anecdote, well, it just confirms my impressions of Americans, not quite a civilized nation, it seems. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/95 "2005-09-03T00:00:22Z")
> [@MoodIndigo1](#): > > I must say that I side with\*\* kambuckta\*\* and\*\* Laurange \*\* on this one, and a lot of you really seem too full of your own importance: self-centred, cranky, whiny prigs. In what way is it wrong to be self-centered about wanting to get 8 hours of sleep a day? And, yeah, I get cranky if I’m woken up for no good purpose after only 4 or five hours of sleep: Because a neighbor I don’t particularly care for wants to talk about something; Because someone wants to sell me something I can’t afford and don’t need; Because the Jehovah’s Witnesses want to tell me how I’m damned again? None of these are acceptable reasons for interrupting my sleep. Why isn’t it self-centered for a stranger to assume that they have a right to my time at _their_ convenience? That’s what many of us here on the other side of the debate can’t understand. In one’s home, don’t we have the right to choose when we want to be left alone? ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/96 "2005-09-03T00:10:15Z")
> [@Lissa](#): > > I listen to the messages immediately after they are left. Sometimes we call back immediately. Other times, we do not return the call at all. It’s my opinon that should be our choice. It does not change our minds if you leave multiple messages. (What? Do you think the first three did not get delivered?) If we did not answer the phone the first time, calling repeatedly and hanging up before the machine answers does not make us do so. > > In short, fucking leave us _alone._ Yes, if you have a problem, feel free to inform us of it. Call, leave a message, and consider your obligation fulfilled. It is duly noted. Nothing will likely be done about it until tomorrow, anyway. You are awesome. I am beginning to dread more and more the era of cellphones and Blackberries. Not primarily just because other people use them in hideous ways in public (airline flight a couple of days ago - "Yeah, I’m at the gate. Okay, now I’m walking toward the door to the plane. Okay, now I’m in the tunnel leading to the plane. Yeah, can you believe it? No, it’s about 7:30 here. Yeah, now I’m at the entrance to the plane. Yeah, can you believe it?). But because people assume you own one. And if you do own one, they somehow believe that means you are bound to have them turned on and answer them at all times. Particularly in connection with work. Yes, I am a professional. No, I do not have a mere 9-5 job. No, I don’t give a fuck if you want to be able to reach me at any given hour and are upset that you can’t. You couldn’t be guaranteed to contact me by email/cellphone 10 years ago, and somehow the world kept moving. It would help if your desperate need to contact me was for something other than your pathetic need to exert control and make sure that, “Everything is going alright on that deal that doesn’t close for two months.” I’m sorry, I went off on a little mini-rant there of my own. I’d like to end by reiterating that you are awesome. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/97 "2005-09-03T00:10:30Z")
I’m with the OP. Some people feel very entitled to others’ time for who knows why. Unfortunately, they’re also the type to be most likely to know understand social cues that alerts normal people that they’re bothering others. Fuck 'em and let them stand there on your steps. Eventually they’ll get bored and wander off. > [@MoodIndigo1](#): > > As for Lynn’s anecdote, well, it just confirms my impressions of Americans, not quite a civilized nation, it seems. Oh yeah, you say that now, but when one of us implies that British preteens are evil 'cause they enjoy murdering little boys, you get all upset. It’s like you think that a few reports don’t make all people in your country like that or something. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/98 "2005-09-03T00:13:48Z")
There was/is a doper ( whom I forget his username, but GAH…the story cracks me up alot whenever I think about it) who after a long 24 hour day of playing D &D with his buds, went to bed and was woken by someone knocking on the front door. I forget if he though it was a prank or knew on the other side of the door was a Jehovah lady (and her daughter, I think), but he answered the door naked, in a screaming berzerker rage with an umbrella in hand. We all could learn a lesson from this. Who the hell was that? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/99 "2005-09-03T00:21:51Z")
I love it when people come over. I also love it when people leave. I’m conflicted like that. Nice that you’re here. Nice that you left. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The best way to find out who your true friends are or how to get rid of unwanted houseguests is: put them to work for you. I mean, the 'lift the sofa bed into another room, preferably upstairs." or " You can stand there while I repaint my car in my enclosed garage…" ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516/100 "2005-09-03T00:24:41Z")
I’m in the same city as MoonIndigo. Based on his/her remarks, please don’t conclude _all_ of us are assholes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-christs-sake-stop-coming-to-our-house/319516.md?page=6)