# For Guys: WTF, Man??? (Wiping One's Ass) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 13, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909 "2011-07-13T19:33:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/41 "2011-07-14T17:23:53Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > Thanks. Did you actually _read_ what I wrote, or just the damn title of the thread? You make it sound like I’m a pig, which I assure you I am not. The water idea isn’t a terribly bad one. There are many places online where you can get a “portable bidet”. Basically it’s a plastic water bottle with a little pipette on the top to squirt the ol’ chocolate starfish. Personally, if in public I will use the wet paper towel trick. But at home I prep the work surface with paper and either shower or clean the bowel and “sit 'n splash”. Basically if the bowl’s clean and the water’s clean I use it to clense the aflicted area. And then wash up thoroghly when finished. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/42 "2011-07-14T18:42:19Z")
> [@nd\_n8](#): > > But at home I prep the work surface with paper and either shower or clean the bowel and “sit 'n splash”. Basically if the bowl’s clean and the water’s clean I use it to clense the aflicted area. Wait, what bowl, the toilet bowl? You dunk your poop chute in the toilet bowl? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/43 "2011-07-14T19:30:54Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > You just need [one of these](http://www.homedepot.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10051&productId=202566088&langId=-1&catalogId=10053&ci_sku=202566088&ci_kw=%7Bkeyword%7D&cm_mmc=shopping-_-googleads-_-pla-_-202566088&ci_gpa=pla&locStoreNum=4285), available at your local Home Depot. > > Caution! Don’t press button 3! We have one of these on all of our toilets. It’s under $100 and I wouldn’t live in a house without one at this point: [http://www.sanicare.com/Ace-Bidet-s/29.htm](http://www.sanicare.com/Ace-Bidet-s/29.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/44 "2011-07-14T20:44:11Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > We have one of these on all of our toilets. It’s under $100 and I wouldn’t live in a house without one at this point: > [http://www.sanicare.com/Ace-Bidet-s/29.htm](http://www.sanicare.com/Ace-Bidet-s/29.htm) Okay, I have been contemplating a bidet attachment in the vaguest possible way for some time, and this one is definitely below my price point. I think that my face may have arranged itself into something hysterically comical when I read this boast, though: [quote] [ul][li]Powerful spray with great enema massage[/ul][/li][/quote] Something like this, I imagine: :eek: Little too Pruzy for me - clean on the _outside_ is good enough for my purposes, thanks. (Though hopefully it works like a regular bidet if you don’t turn it all the way up to eleven?) ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/45 "2011-07-14T22:33:13Z")
If it goes to 10 I probably use it at 2. Beyond that it’s a little painful. It works really well, though, and I love it. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2011, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/46 "2011-07-14T22:50:28Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > If it goes to 10 I probably use it at 2. Beyond that it’s a little painful. It works really well, though, and I love it. I’ll bet that cold water is a bit of a shock in the morning though? ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/47 "2011-07-15T12:01:53Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Wait, what bowl, the toilet bowl? You dunk your poop chute in the toilet bowl? Um… yeah. Bowl’s clean, water’s clean, no problem. Maybe a drop or two of shampoo or liquid hand soap for those “White Castle and Beer” days but otherwise all goes well. It’s kind of the by-product of the realisation that, while a portion of the world is dying of malnutrition and dehydration due to a lack of sanitary water, every day I take a gallon or so of perfectly good, fresh, sparkling clean drinking water… and shit in it. Might as well make the best of it. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/48 "2011-07-15T16:33:55Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > I’ll bet that cold water is a bit of a shock in the morning though? Surprisingly it’s not that bad. That area really isn’t that sensitive to cold, honestly. Even in winter when the Massachusetts water is really cold, it isn’t uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/49 "2011-07-15T19:53:34Z")
I’m always amazed by these threads. I guess I must eat more fiber or have over-active large intestines or something because I’m a guy, and most of the time I can get by with less than 4 wipes. I’ve never had a streak. I assume not being able to get fully clean is a fecal consistancy problem. I would imagine the dry crumbly stuff cleans up easily and doesn’t spread around. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/50 "2011-07-15T21:09:41Z")
> [@Hermitian](#): > > I’m always amazed by these threads. > > I guess I must eat more fiber or have over-active large intestines or something because I’m a guy, and most of the time I can get by with less than 4 wipes. I’ve never had a streak. > > I assume not being able to get fully clean is a fecal consistancy problem. I would imagine the dry crumbly stuff cleans up easily and doesn’t spread around. I’m sure that has something to do with it, but I also think that _when_ you defecate also plays a part. By “when” I mean if you defecate a bit too early and try to force a BM before the whole load is truly on-deck. In those situations, I think it’s easier for some feces to get left behind (heh) fairly close to your anus, and is therefore more prone to “make it’s mark” on your drawers. If you wait a bit later until the whole load is fully on-deck, the BM cycle allows a more complete clearing of the bowels. But maybe I’m full of shit and talking out of my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/51 "2011-07-16T11:22:47Z")
Hell of a job, “brownie”. 🙂 Q ---
**Author:** ![KinkiNipponTourist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e9bcb4/32.png) [@KinkiNipponTourist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KinkiNipponTourist)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/52 "2011-07-16T12:43:05Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Surprisingly it’s not that bad. That area really isn’t that sensitive to cold, honestly. Even in winter when the Massachusetts water is really cold, it isn’t uncomfortable. Come to Japan, my child. Our washlets have nice warm water on tap! Both the seat temperature and water temperature are adjustable. Use as a bidet/use to wash the bum. Two different hoses, both cleaned immediately after each use. My only complaint is that if I sit there a really long time, the automatic closing lid conks me in the back! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2011, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909/53 "2011-07-16T14:54:25Z")
The link I posted has two, one is under $100 and cold water only, the other is $200 and adjustable temp. I opted for the cheaper one, because it really doesn’t matter, and certainly isn’t worth another hundred bucks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-guys-wtf-man-wiping-ones-ass/588909.md?page=2)