# For male dopers: If you are married or might possibly, do you or would not wear your wedding ring? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 27, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573 "2010-10-27T19:49:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/61 "2010-10-28T05:57:39Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’ve seen a handful of men who describe themselves as married wearing a band on their right hand. They can’t all have a problem w/ their left hands. Norwegians and Dutch traditionally wear their wedding band on the right hand. I’m 100% sure about the Norwegians, only quite convinced about the Dutch. Not sure 'bout the Danes, but the Swedes wear it on their left hand. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/62 "2010-10-28T06:20:36Z")
Yes, I wear one, pretty much all the time. I can’t remember ever having taken it off outside of surgical situations. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/63 "2010-10-28T10:55:44Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Now those that said there’s no comparison to rings and names because with rings, both parties get rings, but with names, only one party changes. Well with rings, only one party normally get’s a big diamond cluster, while the other gets a metal band much like the ring put into a bull’s nose to be led around like cattle! :eek: It’s only a guess, but there is probably a strong correlation between women who are the most excited about getting their fiance to fork out for an extra-special engagement ring, and those who are the most excited about becoming “Mrs. HisLastName.” Both actions are very traditional. Likewise, those who prefer to keep their own name are likely to care the least about a formal engagement ring. So if you are trying to portray women who keep their names as hypocrites because we reject tradition when it coms to our egos but accept it when we get expensive jewelry, you are unlikely to succeed. As for me, I asked my husband-to-be NOT to get me an engagement ring, because I thought it was really dumb that he, a fresh graduate with no cash and dizzying levels of student loans to pay off, should be forced to go further into hoc just to get me a diamond to “prove his love,” or something lame like that. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/64 "2010-10-28T10:56:43Z")
> [@Richard\_Pearse](#): > > The point I was making is aimed more at those who do it for **feminist reasons** rather than just out of a sense of identity (as **DianaG** rightfully noted.) Bolding mine. That doesn’t make it a less silly point. If a woman wants to keep her name for ‘feminist’ reasons (which is all tied up with identity anyway), so what if it was her father’s name? It’s hers now, and if she’s looking to stop acquiescing to patriarchal customs, a girl’s gotta start somewhere. Yes, I have my father’s name. It doesn’t follow that trading it for some other man’s name is an even exchange. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/65 "2010-10-28T12:04:58Z")
I am freeing myself from the tyranny of what happens when a spinning chunk of metal grabs the ring and frees my finger from my body. I LIKE having ten fingers. So the habit when I go to the man cave is to take the ring and put it in my pocket. There is no additional habit to _put it back on_ when I leave the man cave. That said, I have 4 $17 silver wedding rings on standby if I ever lose one, based on a cold winter’s night, my $300 white gold wedding ring, and a run-in with a Volkswagen Beetle that reduced the ring’s thickness by about a third. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/66 "2010-10-28T12:24:17Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Norwegians and Dutch traditionally wear their wedding band on the right hand. I’m 100% sure about the Norwegians, only quite convinced about the Dutch. Not sure 'bout the Danes, but the Swedes wear it on their left hand. Yes, we’d also heard that it was the usual method in parts of Europe. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/67 "2010-10-28T12:40:42Z")
There are many people (including both myself and my husband, incidentally) whose surnames are their mothers’, not their fathers. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/68 "2010-10-28T12:48:06Z")
My husband wears his, to fend off the hordes of hungry single females 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/69 "2010-10-28T13:02:07Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > OP sounds like anti-feminist drivel to me. Partners of both sexes are equally expected to wear a wedding ring. Actually, that’s not a universal here in the US. There are plenty of people who expect women to wear wedding rings but men not - possibly because in the past men were so frequently engaged in occupations where wearing jewelry could be hazardous it never became the same mandate for them as for women. Also, there are some subgroups where _neither_ party wears a ring. Neither my husband nor I wear a wedding ring - me, because a lot of jewelry causes me skin problems, and I’m currently working in construction where jewelry is largely forbidden for safety reasons. As it happens, we also live near one of the subgroups (Amish) where neither spouse wears a ring, so even among my [del]backwards[/del] conservative neighbors the concept is not unheard of and I don’t get grief for it - here, at least. I used to get some occasional grief in Chicago. Usually from asshats who seemed to expect women to be ready to service their needs at a whim because they were such Awesome Males or something. Of course, the same ones who get pissed at me for being “deceptive” in not wearing a ring to advertise that I was [del]already owned by another male[/del] married were the same asshats who’d look a married woman with ring straight in the eye and ask “Well, just how married are you?” A ring doesn’t make you married. As someone else says, who cares if he wears a ring or not as long as he ACTS married (and ditto for women). ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/70 "2010-10-28T13:04:54Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > It’s more of a satiric jab, not at women who choose or even wish to keep their own names…which I truly believe is every woman’s right, but at women that get enraged when someone mistakenly or even formally on an invitation calls them Mrs. Husband’s Lastname. Except what had everyone up in arms wasn’t being addressed as “Mrs Husband’s LastName” but “Mrs. **Husband’s FirtName** Husband’s Lastname”, which completely wipes out the woman’s identity. You’re distorting the actual contentious point so you can dismiss it as unimportant. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/71 "2010-10-28T13:44:26Z")
Just to be fair, I think it’s equally hilarious, that there are men that go completely ape shit if they are called Mr. Wife’s MaidenName. Life’s too short to get so torked up over what someone else says, mistaken or otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/72 "2010-10-28T15:35:40Z")
The difference is that men are called that usually in mistake, or for humor, or to identify a man as connected to a particular woman when he first shows up and no one yet know his real name. Women, on the other hand, are subjected that DESPITE REPEATED REQUESTS to be referred to by their own, actual names and only a few decades ago could be _forced_ to be identified by their husband’s name by institutions such as banks. So tell me - would you or would you not be upset if a bank manager told you that you could NOT bank under your own, legal name or even told you to CHANGE your name legally to someone else’s before doing business with them? That happened to me as recently as 1998, _despite_ such a thing being not only against the company policy but also illegal. The two situations are not at all comparable. Refusal to acknowledge a woman’s legal name as being different from her husband’s can have real consequences from difficulty in dealing with financial institutions to the instances described by a hospital receptionist in the other thread where people couldn’t contact someone due to a refusal to use the woman’s _actual_ name and a prissy insistence on referring to her as her husband. Oh, yeah, lotsa laffs. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/73 "2010-10-28T15:35:57Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Just to be fair, I think it’s equally hilarious, that there are men that go completely ape shit if they are called Mr. Wife’s MaidenName… When the hell does _that_ happen? I’ve heard pundits refer to Bill as Mr. Hillary Clinton, but they’re making a certain point. Other than that … ? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/74 "2010-10-28T16:23:10Z")
I got married just over twenty years ago, and have always worn a ring, as has my wife. It’s a nice, simple, time-honored symbol of our commitment to one another. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/75 "2010-10-28T16:31:30Z")
> [@Fir\_na\_tine](#): > > Married 41 years. Haven’t worn a ring since the ceremony. Too damn dangerous when working with any type of machinery or tools. While that’s a good reason, whether it’s applicabable depends on your lifestyle. I never work with machinery and rarely work with tools. So I am not concerned that I almost always wear my wedding ring. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/76 "2010-10-28T19:46:25Z")
I don’t wear wrings, watches or any other jewelry. I never have. ---
**Author:** ![RedBloom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dbc845/32.png) [@RedBloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedBloom)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/77 "2010-10-28T20:08:04Z")
I take my ring off when I’m putting lotion on or making meatloaf. Otherwise, it’s a permanent fixture (except for when I found out about my husband’s affair - I didn’t wear it for a month - and people noticed!) He wears his always (uhhhh, I think anyway)… he does travel a LOT, so who knows. Perhaps he leaves it off during that time to combat any lonliness on the trip. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/78 "2010-10-28T21:27:58Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > When the hell does _that_ happen? I’ve heard pundits refer to Bill as Mr. Hillary Clinton, but they’re making a certain point. Other than that … ? My dad was once called Mr. Mom’smaidenname, instead of Dr. Hislasname. Now, rather than smile and correct it and move on, when my mom and I arrive at home, he has an apron on and says ‘Hi guys, I’m Mr. Mom’smaiden name’ in a high-pitched voice, acting very feminine. So yeah, it happens once in a lifetime, and men don’t take to it kindly, even when their wives are professionals and prolific in their own right. > [@Broomstick](#): > > So tell me - would you or would you not be upset if a bank manager told you that you could NOT bank under your own, legal name or even told you to CHANGE your name legally to someone else’s before doing business with them? That happened to me as recently as 1998, _despite_ such a thing being not only against the company policy but also illegal. > > The two situations are not at all comparable. Refusal to acknowledge a woman’s legal name as being different from her husband’s can have real consequences from difficulty in dealing with financial institutions to the instances described by a hospital receptionist in the other thread where people couldn’t contact someone due to a refusal to use the woman’s _actual_ name and a prissy insistence on referring to her as her husband. Oh, yeah, lotsa laffs. Oh, it’s even richer when mother and child have different last names, and you’re questioned “Oh, are you a single mom?” Or worse, “Oh, is your father not in the picture? Illigitimate?” “Divorced, and she remarried?” Like any woman offered to take her husband’s last name just JUMPS at the chance, and if mother and child don’t share the same last name, it’s because there’s a problem. Grrrrrr. I’ve had a cop pull me over, and ask why on my car registration there are two different last names listed as co-owners (my car is in my parents’ names). When I say “they’re my parents” they give me a funny look, even though one of the last names is MINE. Unbelievable. ETA: > [@Norse](#): > > Norwegians and Dutch traditionally wear their wedding band on the right hand. I’m 100% sure about the Norwegians, only quite convinced about the Dutch. Not sure 'bout the Danes, but the Swedes wear it on their left hand. Mmm, that makes sense in hindsight. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/79 "2010-10-28T22:30:53Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **Scarlett67** (and anyone else) do you know of any men who wear their wedding rings on their right hand besides your hubby? I’ve seen a handful of men who describe themselves as married wearing a band on their right hand. They can’t all have a problem w/ their left hands. I wear my on my right hands since my left ring finger is crooked. I had to have my ring resized to fit over the knuckle, and it was too loose, so it fell off. When we replaced it, I got it for my right hand. I don’t think there is any ownership on either rings or names. My wife kept her name for professional reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573/80 "2010-10-28T22:51:21Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **Scarlett67** (and anyone else) do you know of any men who wear their wedding rings on their right hand besides your hubby? I’ve seen a handful of men who describe themselves as married wearing a band on their right hand. They can’t all have a problem w/ their left hands. Yep – mentioned a couple of posts back; left-handed and find having rings or watches on my left hand gets in the way. I could wear my ring on my left – although, having just tried it, it feels weird after 14 years and I’d have to get the ring altered as my left hand fingers are obviously a bit bigger. > [@Broomstick](#): > > The difference is that men are called that usually in mistake, or for humor, or to identify a man as connected to a particular woman when he first shows up and no one yet know his real name. > > Women, on the other hand, are subjected that DESPITE REPEATED REQUESTS to be referred to by their own, actual names… That happened to me as recently as 1998, _despite_ such a thing being not only against the company policy but also illegal. Just wanted to sympathize **Broomstick** ; the behaviour you describe is clearly offensive and impolite… hell… let’s be blunt, it’s arsehole behaviour and shouldn’t be condoned or tolerated. When we got married my wife retained her family name – I was completely unconcerned either way (which ever she wanted), and she was very slightly favouring change, until she found she’d have to get a new passport, and we were leaving for the honeymoon immediately; that clinched it. 🙂 She occasionally gets mail addressed to Mrs. HerFirst MyLast, and I equally sometimes get things addressed to Mr. MyFirst HerLast. If anything it’s the “Mrs” that makes her more uncomfortable… and she doesn’t like “Ms” either… she’d rather have no title and just her name. When we had a child my wife insisted that he have my last name as his surname, and she and him having different surnames has not ever seemed to cause a problem. (And we both just get called “Alex’s Mum” / “Alex’s Dad” by his friends and schoolmates). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-male-dopers-if-you-are-married-or-might-possibly-do-you-or-would-not-wear-your-wedding-ring/558573.md?page=5)