# For men AND women: How many dates before sex?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [February 12, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676 "2003-02-12T22:05:25Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@elgar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elgar)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/21 "2003-02-13T05:04:44Z")
I’ve heard about having sex the third date is the norm, but it really doesn’t make that much sense. Yeah, I know if I like a guy by then, but I don’t know if I want to have a long term with him at that point. Others have already said this, do it when it feels right. Don’t do it because you’re drunk. This makes for an awkward feeling the next day.
---
### Author:  [@Osbie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osbie)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/22 "2003-02-13T06:39:14Z")
**Lizard** said:
> [@](#):
>
> My brother is of the opinion that if you haven’t slept with a girl by at least the third date, then the relationship is going nowhere at best, and she is borderline using you at worst.
Speaking of “using” people - for myself it would take however many dates necessary to convince me that he isn’t just looking for someone, _anyone_ to have sex with. I’m assuming we’re talking about someone I’ve only just met. If it was someone who had been a friend for a long time and suddenly we’re in love - well, that might be different. Woe to he who waves a timetable in my face.
---
### Author:  [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/23 "2003-02-13T10:57:20Z")
-
-
- Three is about normal, for me and friends I hear of. It’s not so much that it’s expected, it’s just that by the second or third date both people end up at one or the other’s place, at least on the doorstep. -And I _am_ looking for sex, sorry. With just one person yes, but it can definitely be assumed to be Part Of The Deal. In that setting I don’t blame anyone from stopping me from trying, but I would blame them for getting offended over it.
…
- And it depends on the person and kind of date: I wouldn’t go out on a date with someone I didn’t think I knew somewhat already. So it’s not like I’ve never seen them before, and after spending maybe three hours with them, we’re screwing.
~
---
### Author:  [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/24 "2003-02-13T11:01:30Z")
-
-
- I guess it really depends on how much you think you know someone, and that leads me to a fun question: if you could choose and get your choice, do you think you’d want to sleep with anybody you know only from their posting on the SDMB? (you needn’t mention names) --I don’t, not at all, but I hate people. I wouldn’t trust someone enough to go slappin’ it with them, just from reading posts on a message board…
~
---
### Author:  [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/25 "2003-02-13T11:08:58Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Smythe-Bunion I. Esq. wrote:
>
> Woe to he who waves a timetable in my face.
Preach it, sister. Such a mindset is a real mood killer.
> [@](#):
>
> DougC wrote:
>
> And I am looking for sex, sorry. With just one person yes, but it can definitely be assumed to be Part Of The Deal. In that setting I don’t blame anyone from stopping me from trying, but I would blame them for getting offended over it.
Ooh. No, no Part Of The Deal for me. And if a guy “blamed” me for being offended over his expectation that it was Part Of The Deal, well, I can only repeat what Octavia wrote—“Woe to he who waves a timetable in my face.”
---
### Author:  [@lamafish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lamafish)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/26 "2003-02-13T11:38:14Z")
I dont think that I have ever “dated” anyone that I wasn’t physically attracted to and therefore wanted to have sex with. I dont know how intimately involved I have been in my past (prob not very much) but I have never held sex in the extremely personal, need to know each other forever, kind of place. The way I look at it, If I’m attracted to her that much and he is in…we hump.
oh yeah, I’m a guy
---
### Author:  [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/27 "2003-02-13T15:14:52Z")
By the third date… I really need validation that she’s at least interested sexually. Depending on the situation of course, that could be sex, or a makeout session, or whatever. I also very much prefer women who aren’t shy about sex, I don’t personally consider sex to be some big deal, and want a woman who feels similarly.
---
### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/28 "2003-02-13T15:22:20Z")
When we feel like it. Which is usually after we have coffee.
---
### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/29 "2003-02-13T15:44:35Z")
Actually, when I was dating my problem wasn’t sex. It was getting as far as actually having a third date. My rule of thumb was that if you didn’t get as far as having a second date, the relationship probably wasn’t going anywhere.
---
### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/30 "2003-02-13T15:47:53Z")
I started dating back in the mid-'70s. Back then, if you didn’t go to bed with someone five minutes after you’d met, it was assumed there was something _wrong_ with you.
---
### Author:  [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/31 "2003-02-13T16:02:12Z")
You need to date before you have sex? Wow. That is just weird.
For me, the question would be better phrased how many sexless dates is too many to tell that the relationship is going no where. If I haven’t had sex by the third date then it isn’t worth it. Considering that sex is very easy to come by.
---
### Author:  [@Big\_Perm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Perm)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/32 "2003-02-13T16:06:33Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by plain\_jane \*
> \*\*I think it’s different for every situation. I have had sex on the first date and I have had relationships where sex didn’t enter the picture for quite a while. Every situation is different. And personally, I have a high sex-drive, and part of being attracted to someone is wanting to get into their pants already! heh 🙂
> For what it’s worth, I’m 26. \*\*
Pretty much sums me up word for word… even the age, hehe.
---
### Author:  [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)
#### Post date: [February 13, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/33 "2003-02-13T18:49:11Z")
It’s all relatve. For me, once it was before the first official date, and another time it was about 6 months into the relationship. Everybody’s different.
---
### Author:  [@raisinbread](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raisinbread)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/34 "2003-02-14T00:05:18Z")
Okay so what do you guys do when you’re waiting until marriage (laughter)? Lots of horseback riding?
---
### Author:  [@Lorenzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorenzo)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/35 "2003-02-14T00:53:29Z")
Perhaps hard to believe, but Mrs. Lorenzo and I had dated about six years before we married, at haste at the courthouse in an effort to avoid some rather draconian changes in the immigration laws, and did not have sex for the first time until about a year and a half later after the civil ceremony when we were married in her church.
Lest anyone’s wondering, most other men also find my wife very attractive (she compares favorably to Mariah Carey) and I’m no slouch myself. Just lots of respect for my wife’s beliefs.
---
### Author:  [@Lorenzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorenzo)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/36 "2003-02-14T00:56:27Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by raisinbread \*
> \*\*Okay so what do you guys do when you’re waiting until marriage (laughter)? Lots of horseback riding? \*\*
Ahh, mockery!
That’s not behavior becoming of a member of the SDMB. Let us never forget the first rule for posting here: “Do not be a jerk.”
---
### Author:  [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/37 "2003-02-14T02:25:32Z")
I recently “dated” a guy who, after 3 solid dates, wouldn’t even sit next to me on the couch. Bye!
I think every situation is different, but I would say some intense kissing at the very LEAST should happen by the third date. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen the virtue in prolonging that exciting beginning phase as long as possible (which isn’t often THAT long-- weeks, months at most).
---
### Author:  [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/38 "2003-02-14T02:30:55Z")
Current girlfriend, taker of my virginity:
Met on Halloween, nothing going on
Got together the first time right before Christmas, random hookup
Saw her again Valentine’s day, sex four days later, after spending the whole time and messing around with her. Been with her since.
---
### Author:  [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/39 "2003-02-14T15:44:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Lorenzo \*
> \*\*Perhaps hard to believe, but Mrs. Lorenzo and I had dated about six years before we married, at haste at the courthouse in an effort to avoid some rather draconian changes in the immigration laws, and did not have sex for the first time until about a year and a half later after the civil ceremony when we were married in her church.
>
> Lest anyone’s wondering, most other men also find my wife very attractive (she compares favorably to Mariah Carey) and I’m no slouch myself. Just lots of respect for my wife’s beliefs. \*\*
I bet that was some serious, wall-banging, sheet-tearing, wake up-the-neighbors monkey love going on during _that_ honeymoon! _Seven and a half years_ to keep your hands off a Mariah Carey clone?!
---
### Author:  [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)
#### Post date: [February 14, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676/40 "2003-02-14T19:11:42Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Lizard \*
> \*\*_Seven and a half years_ to keep your hands off a Mariah Carey clone?! \*\*
Maybe it’s because she also _sang_ like Mariah Carey!
:: shudder ::
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676.md?page=1)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-men-and-women-how-many-dates-before-sex/154676.md?page=3)