# For no good reason, I"m doing three minutes of open mic stand up in about a month **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 2017, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761 "2017-12-07T04:20:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2017, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/161 "2017-12-21T20:49:49Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > You absolutely will not say them that slowly on stage. That’s incredibly slow, for one thing; you are either talking like Steven Wright dubbing “Drunk Donald Trump” while you speak, or you’'re taking pauses between jokes that are way beyond “comic timing” and into “uncomfortably weird.” And, being a newbie, you will talk faster than you planned. Those times are without any pauses between the jokes (just normal speaking pauses between sentences so to speak). I totally believe you though that I’m probably saying them a lot more slowly than I actually will. I’m in reality a really fast talker, that’s part of why I’m trying to intentionally slow down, for enunciation etc. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2017, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/162 "2017-12-21T21:16:00Z")
I just recorded the current short version of the set, trying to use my normal fast talking voice, without regard to joke timing and pauses etc. I did this to see what sort of a “minimal” time is for the set as I currently have it, and I’m assuming any needed adjustments to joke timing and pauses will increase the time not decrease it. It came in at 2:38. Do I seem to be speaking unreasonably slowly to you? As I said I tried to use my normal speaking voice, which I am generally told is quite fast–often I am asked to slow down in fact. What do you think? > **[Recording (49)](https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=415E0E94DB8B9BF2%2111248&authkey=%21AM5PuQbmQwJ9RJU)** > > 3min set spoken quickly.m4a ---
**Author:** ![Maurie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Maurie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maurie)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/163 "2017-12-22T16:20:15Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > I just recorded the current short version of the set, trying to use my normal fast talking voice, without regard to joke timing and pauses etc. I did this to see what sort of a “minimal” time is for the set as I currently have it, and I’m assuming any needed adjustments to joke timing and pauses will increase the time not decrease it. > > It came in at 2:38. > > Do I seem to be speaking unreasonably slowly to you? As I said I tried to use my normal speaking voice, which I am generally told is quite fast–often I am asked to slow down in fact. > > What do you think? > > [Microsoft OneDrive](https://1drv.ms/u/s!AvKbi9uUDl5B13DOT7kG5kMCfUSV) It says I don’t have access to listen. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/164 "2017-12-22T16:26:45Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > It says I don’t have access to listen. Works for me fine here, even without signing in to the sign-in screen that pops up. In terms of the rate of speaking, it does sound rushed to me. I was imagining the delivery in a much more deliberate and near-monotone manner, for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/165 "2017-12-22T16:27:44Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > It says I don’t have access to listen. Count yourself as the lucky one. The delivery is _too_ even. There’s no set-up for the punchline, there’s no set-up or lead-in for the jokes. (such as they are). You need to establish why each joke exists. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/166 "2017-12-22T16:45:22Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Count yourself as the lucky one. > The delivery is _too_ even. There’s no set-up for the punchline, there’s no set-up or lead-in for the jokes. (such as they are). > > You need to establish why each joke exists. As I said, the recording is _not_ of my intended delivery, I recorded it in my normal fast speaking voice, with no pauses, in order to set a base line minimum for how long it could take to actually deliver the jokes. Does that make sense? ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/167 "2017-12-22T16:47:47Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Works for me fine here, even without signing in to the sign-in screen that pops up. In terms of the rate of speaking, it does sound rushed to me. I was imagining the delivery in a much more deliberate and near-monotone manner, for some reason. Yes, what you describe at the end is the intended delivery–as I said, the made the recording > [@](#): > > trying to use my normal fast talking voice, without regard to joke timing and pauses etc. in order to come up with a baseline minimum for how long it would take to say the whole set. I was basically surprised at the idea that it wasn’t three minutes worht of material, so I was like, okay, what if I just say it all real fast and don’t pause at all, how long would it take then? Surely if that gives me close to three minutes, it’s got to be at least three minutes of material! I provided the recording in order to show I’d actually done the experiment. Does this make sense? ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/168 "2017-12-22T16:53:19Z")
In other words my recording post should be read purely as a response to what **RickJay** said about whether I had three minutes of material in the set. He’s giving me great advice but that one part, I’m just not understanding. This seems if anything likely to be too long to me. It is pointedly and intentionally **not at all** a recording of how I would actually say these jokes on stage. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/169 "2017-12-22T17:14:50Z")
From the “first do no harm” praxis I would strongly discourage you from doing any jokes about your dick or sex and especially the one about your mom. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/170 "2017-12-22T17:51:20Z")
Yes, the length of material you have seems like it would very easily fill 3 minutes and a good bit more. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/171 "2017-12-22T22:37:43Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > I just recorded the current short version of the set, trying to use my normal fast talking voice, without regard to joke timing and pauses etc. I did this to see what sort of a “minimal” time is for the set as I currently have it, and I’m assuming any needed adjustments to joke timing and pauses will increase the time not decrease it. > > It came in at 2:38. > > Do I seem to be speaking unreasonably slowly to you? As I said I tried to use my normal speaking voice, which I am generally told is quite fast–often I am asked to slow down in fact. > > What do you think? > > [Microsoft OneDrive](https://1drv.ms/u/s!AvKbi9uUDl5B13DOT7kG5kMCfUSV) Well, that’s 3 minutes of my life I’m not getting back. Seriously, dude, good luck, but… ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/172 "2017-12-22T23:20:25Z")
Stop paying attention to all this confusing contradictory advice and just do your bits. Personally I like your long version quite a bit, and the “incest” joke with “Adopted!” is really funny to me. And I am not exactly your target audience I don’t think. (71 year old cranky old lady) I do have to wonder if some of these people advising you to leave out jokes about your dick or sex have been to a comedy club lately. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/173 "2017-12-22T23:33:20Z")
I have indeed, especially open mikes, and the amateur comics trying to be edgy bomb a lot more painfully than amateur comics who just tell safe jokes. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2017, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/174 "2017-12-22T23:34:30Z")
Anyway, my friend emcees open mikes at a local comedy club. I asked her for advice to pass on and all she said was “don’t run the light” which (I had to ask) means don’t go over your time. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2017, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/175 "2017-12-23T00:15:47Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Well, that’s 3 minutes of my life I’m not getting back. > > Seriously, dude, good luck, but… I have really appreciated the advice in this thread, it’s been a really good thread and has helped me think about how I’m thinking about this. I am saying that to maintain a positive atmosphere because the thing I’m about to say is admittedly critical. But seriously, with that post with the recording, there was from every responder a really egregious failure to read the actual post. I’ve addressed this above so I won’t repeat myself but… sheesh… **Guinistasia** , what you just listened to has exactly and only one thing in common with how I would deliver the jokes: the words themselves. It was intentionally rushed and lacked, again intentionally, any thought of comic timing. Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled great thread. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2017, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/176 "2017-12-23T00:16:52Z")
> [@tnetennba](#): > > I have indeed, especially open mikes, and the amateur comics trying to be edgy bomb a lot more painfully than amateur comics who just tell safe jokes. For whatever reason, “but you’re wrong, it’s my penis” doesn’t strike me as particularly edgy? It’s immature, but that’s about it. “God, kind of an asshole, wouldn’t you agree,” now that’s more like “trying to be edgy” and–that’s exactly why I left it out of the shorter set! ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2017, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/177 "2017-12-23T00:21:58Z")
> [@tnetennba](#): > > Anyway, my friend emcees open mikes at a local comedy club. I asked her for advice to pass on and all she said was “don’t run the light” which (I had to ask) means don’t go over your time. To explain a little bit of where I’m coming from, my friend who I’ve been helping with writing her set, on her first night out, opened with a sentence ending “so let me tell you all about how much I masturbate.” There was a _lot_ of laughter at that. And the entire first half of her set was about masturbation. It went really well, and she was a first timer. She’s not like some kind of comic genius with impeccable timing. She just needed passable timing. People want to laugh! This is part of why I’m not too worried about “trying to be edgy,” I’m just telling the jokes that I know would make me laugh. Makes sense? If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work, as I’ve said, I’m extremely well prepared to simply bomb. This is all very experimental! ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2017, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/178 "2017-12-23T01:45:18Z")
Why are you doing gay jokes about a dead singer who hasn’t been relevant in 30 years? It’s like a 1987 comedian doing a routine about Liberace being camp. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2017, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/179 "2017-12-23T14:25:24Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Stop paying attention to all this confusing contradictory advice and just do your bits. Personally I like your long version quite a bit, and the “incest” joke with “Adopted!” is really funny to me. And I am not exactly your target audience I don’t think. (71 year old cranky old lady) I do have to wonder if some of these people advising you to leave out jokes about your dick or sex have been to a comedy club lately. Yeah, at this point, I’d just leave it or trim it. I don’t find anything particularly “edgy” about this set, so I don’t understand that complaint. My only thing with the “huge personality/penis” joke is that it’s another one of those obvious jokes (at least to me.) But I’ve warmed to this set over the last few pages. Imagining it in my head with a bit of a dry, Stephen Wright delivery (which is asking _a lot_, I know), I can see it working okay. I think it’s a hell of challenge to pull it off, but I think there’s enough chuckle moments there for me that I’d be happy to hear it at an open mic. Good luck, and I hope you do well! ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2017, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761/180 "2017-12-23T14:56:52Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Why are you doing gay jokes about a dead singer who hasn’t been relevant in 30 years? It’s like a 1987 comedian doing a routine about Liberace being camp. It seems like maybe he was influenced by the recent thread about “Last Christmas”? Problem is, with no setup and no context it just sounds weird and out of place. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-no-good-reason-i-m-doing-three-minutes-of-open-mic-stand-up-in-about-a-month/803761.md?page=10)