# For Single Straight Men Only--If the Average Woman in a Bar... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343 "2010-01-10T01:18:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/81 "2010-01-11T01:42:09Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > But have Ms. Average sit down and strike up a nonchalant conversation about nothing in particular, keep it going, and then after we’ve been talking for a little while, do something like “Isn’t it funny how people are constrained about what’s considered normal & appropriate if you’re a man or if you’re a woman… you know how it’s expected of men that if they find a stranger attractive they might try their luck but with women there’s the assumption that they’re going to want or need an emotional connection… OK confession time, I saw you over here and thought to myself, ‘why not?’ … so, umm, I’m trying to pick you up. Will you go home with me?” Now wouldn’t it be funny if someone came up to you in a bar and said _exactly_ that?? 😛 _ **TODAY, ON STRAIGHT DOPE CANDID CAMERA…** _ ---
**Author:** ![breezman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@breezman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breezman)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/82 "2010-01-11T01:42:20Z")
It staggers my mind that 44% of people are saying yes. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/83 "2010-01-11T02:18:08Z")
> [@breezman](#): > > It staggers my mind that 44% of people are saying yes. Male sluts of the SDMB ;). ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/84 "2010-01-11T02:42:06Z")
I like my kidneys where they are. However, if it were some sort of self contained sociological study in a lab or something, heck yeah. ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/85 "2010-01-11T02:43:18Z")
I remember a study where they had women going into bars and straight-facedly offering men sex. The majority refused, but this is probably because it was delivered in such a bizarre and probably untrustworthy offer. If the women had followed the usual escalating-flirty-banter method, I’d bet most of them would have gotten taken up on the offer. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/86 "2010-01-11T02:47:37Z")
> [@athelas](#): > > I remember a study where they had women going into bars and straight-facedly offering men sex. The majority refused… Really? I’ve seen some with the exact opposite result. Zero women said yes in any case I remember. There’s also the cliche 80/20 gender disparity (men rate 80% of women as attractive, women rate 20% of men as attractive). Not quite right, but the kernel is there. ---
**Author:** ![Shakester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shakester/32/437_2.png) [@Shakester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shakester)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/87 "2010-01-11T06:45:34Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Did you read the OP? > > That’s not a flaw in the poll. This poll is specifically to discuss the assertion made by **Stoneburg** , so if there’s a flaw, it’s in his original statement. > > And the poll does not demonstrate how little understanding women have of the male experience. It demonstrates how little understanding MEN have of the FEMALE experience. See the quote in the OP. The thing that nobody has mentioned yet is that we _have_ a control group in real life: gay men. In a gay bar, it is perfectly acceptable to proposition a guy within a minute of meeting him. And it is perfectly normal for it to work. I have some gay male friends, and I’ve been to plenty of gay bars, and I’ve seen it happen. I’ve been propositioned like that in gay bars myself. A smile and a simple “No thanks” is all that’s needed and nobody is offended. The fact is that many of the men in this poll are saying “no” because women _don’t_ act like that, not because they wouldn’t go for it if women _did_ act like that. Hetro men, as I said, usually learn pretty quickly that a woman seeming to offer instant sex is invariably running some kind of scam, whether it’s for attention or some kind of profit. Your chances of getting laid are a _lot_ lower than your chances of being played. Unless you can take that probability out of the equation, the poll is flawed. It seems to me that you’re sticking to the exact words as stated in the OP because you think it proves a point, but it was and is obvious to me that the statement was a shorthand way of saying that all an average woman has to do is to be outgoing and approachable (and indiscriminate) and she can pick as many guys as she can handle. No, he didn’t mean _literally_ walk up to a guy and say “let’s fuck” because, while that approach will often work in a gay bar, it’s so unheard-of from a woman that most guys would be _highly_ suspicious. And _that_ is what this poll proves. What he _meant_ - and it was obvious to me, and I expect obvious to most guys who have spent much time in that social environment - is that all you (any average female) have to do is walk up and say “Hi” and smile and not project batshit craziness and, a significant proportion of the time, just about any single hetro male will do the rest. And yes, having spent a _lot_ of time in bars, due to my interests and one of my lines of work, I have seen _that_ happen more times than I could count. It is _far_ easier for a woman to get casual sex than it is for a hetro man. Whole orders of magnitude easier. Sorry, but _too bad_ if you think that isn’t a fact. If _you_ don’t find it easy, there could be any number of reasons, but I’ve known (and seen) far too many women who _do_ find it easy to pick up when they feel like it. Now, there are other reasons why (most) women are (usually) less interested in casual sex than (most) men, but scarcity value is certainly one of the main reasons hetro men value _any_ chance of sex a lot higher than women do. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/88 "2010-01-11T11:57:50Z")
> [@Shakester](#): > > No, he didn’t mean _literally_ walk up to a guy and say “let’s fuck” because, while that approach will often work in a gay bar, it’s so unheard-of from a woman that most guys would be _highly_ suspicious. And _that_ is what this poll proves. > > What he _meant_ - and it was obvious to me, and I expect obvious to most guys who have spent much time in that social environment - is that all you (any average female) have to do is walk up and say “Hi” and smile and not project batshit craziness and, a significant proportion of the time, just about any single hetro male will do the rest. I’m pretty much in agreement. If the purpose of this poll is to determine who has an easier time of getting laid by strangers in a bar, the methodology is flawed. It’s like asking who would have an easier time of landing a job by walking into a company and asking if they are hiring. It shows a lack of understanding of how the process actually works. A woman walking right up to you and asking to fuck is a bit jarring. I wouldn’t think it was a scam (although it might be in the back of my mind). I would simply assume she was either crazy or on drugs/drunk. In my vast experience, drunk crazy bitches are infinitely more common than some “honeypot” running a scam to get the $50 in my wallet or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/89 "2010-01-11T14:54:16Z")
Although, when you really think about it, most of the women who sleep with you are scamming to get the $50 in your wallet. Just not necessarily in cash. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/90 "2010-01-11T15:03:55Z")
My answer’s no because I’m in a relationship. Then again, because I’m in a relationship I don’t spend a lot of time sitting in bars alone. Were I single, my answer would be “yes, probably.” ETA: rereading the OP, I probably shouldn’t have voted, then. Merdre. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/91 "2010-01-11T15:04:07Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Although, when you really think about it, most of the women who sleep with you are scamming to get the $50 in your wallet. Just not necessarily in cash. Yeesh! You don’t think at least _some_ of them are scamming to get laid? ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/92 "2010-01-11T15:14:53Z")
I have actually experienced situations similar to the OP, in my younger days of bartending, and, if memory serves, I always said no. Just too odd of a situation. I was introduced to a women once, in a restaurant, and her first words to me were “I see you looking at me, do you want to have sex?” She badgered me for a while about it then exited with the phrase “What, you don’t like fat women?” She did seem pretty surprised when I said no. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/93 "2010-01-11T15:49:10Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Although, when you really think about it, most of the women who sleep with you are scamming to get the $50 in your wallet. Just not necessarily in cash. Dude, you really must try to meet a better class of women. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/94 "2010-01-11T15:51:48Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Dude, you really must try to meet a better class of women. :dubious: The better class of women are scamming the guys with $100+ in their wallets, sadly. I was just kidding, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/95 "2010-01-11T16:07:00Z")
Knowing myself, I’d be much too embarassed to say yes even if I desperately wanted to, would mumble something apologetic, quickly exit the bar, and spend the next few months wondering about what could have been. That’s for a straight up, “hey you, wanna go home and fuck ?” offer, though. Build up a comfort zone before asking, have the right sense of humor etc… and a yes is marginally more likely - not by much, but not outright out of the question. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/96 "2010-01-11T16:16:12Z")
Well I am married so I haven’t voted. But yeah, for an offer of no strings sex I would have been up for it. If it had been a straight up “let’s fuck” the only thing that would stop me would be a search for the catch - not any worries with the offer itself. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/97 "2010-01-11T16:23:05Z")
I would defiantly go back to her place but there is no way she’s coming home with me or getting any way to track me down. I’m also probably not going to close out my tab though whether or not that is so we can leave before she changes her mind or so they can’t steal my card is up to the reader. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/98 "2010-01-11T18:15:30Z")
**Shakester** and **msmith** –It’s interesting that you both are trying to answer in terms of what he “meant” and what you think the “purpose of this poll” is. Regardless of what the guy meant, he said what he said. And statements like that do have an effect on cultural norms and expectations. You know what? I don’t know why men want so badly to believe that it’s just so easy for women to get laid. I’d love to know what they get out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/99 "2010-01-11T18:47:07Z")
I wish the “no” and “maybe” portion were split apart. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343/100 "2010-01-11T19:01:49Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > You know what? I don’t know why men want so badly to believe that it’s just so easy for women to get laid. I’d love to know what they get out of it. They assume that because the cultural norm is for the man to approach the woman, all the woman has to do is sit there passively looking pretty and decide who to go home with. And maybe woman do have an easier time if all they want to do is get laid. But they also have to be subjected to a parade of losers, dorks and retards bothering them all night and then getting angry with them when their charming advances are rejected. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-single-straight-men-only-if-the-average-woman-in-a-bar/524343.md?page=6)