# For the Doper Parents - "Go the F@%k to sleep" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2011, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551 "2011-05-03T06:08:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/21 "2011-05-05T16:01:39Z")
No silly, the sequel is for the parents of teen-agers: “Please Get the F&#% Out of Bed!” Seriously, this is all kinds of awesome. We didn’t sleep more than four hours in a row for _13 months_. Yes, you read that right. I still don’t know how I made it. . . ---
**Author:** ![dawson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@dawson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dawson)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/22 "2011-05-05T16:26:35Z")
Wow. We went through six months of what I like to call “nature’s birth control” a.k.a. cholic. I can’t imagine 13 months! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/23 "2011-05-05T19:55:59Z")
OMG, no not colic! Thank goodness we never experienced that, you have my sympathy! No she was happy as could be most of the time, just didn’t sleep more than four hours in a row. I’ma lifelong insomniac myself, which ironically was solved by pregnancy. Now I _can_ sleep all I want whenever I want - I just so seldom _get_ to. . . ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/24 "2011-05-06T00:59:03Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > That is great. Squeaky is moving in on two as well. What the hell is it about two-year-olds and not wanting to go the fuck to sleep? All three of the boys have gone through this. They go to bed easily and sleep right on through the night up until about a month before their second birthday. All of a sudden they’re like: “Sleep? Fuck that. That shit’s for suckers.” > > Ah well, that’s why god created Thorazine. For you or for the brats? (I’ve always wanted to try thorazine) ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/25 "2011-05-06T11:59:52Z")
Either would get me a good night’s sleep. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/26 "2011-05-06T18:14:15Z")
I think I need this. After \*\*\*5 years \*\*\*of my youngest falling asleep between 8:00pm and midnight, and waking up wide awake for 2-4 hours 2-5 times a week, the Seattle Children’s sleep clinic worked a miracle. Sleep issues are not uncommon in autistic kids. If your child has a serious sleep issue, instead of run of the mill colic or something, I highly suggest getting to a pediatric sleep specialist. Now, by using a minimal dose of a very mild hypertension medicine, my youngest falls asleep in 30-60 minutes of getting her evening dose. She still wakes up most days in the middle of the night, and gets another dose and is usually back asleep 15-45 minutes later. Net net, she gets 9-10 hours of sleep per night now and I get close to a good nights’ sleep. This was one of the best things about moving back to the US. Instead of what felt like permanent jet lag, I’m reasonably rested. More importantly, my daughter is so much better off. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/27 "2011-05-06T19:13:46Z")
Our first didn’t sleep through the night until he was almost two. He still doesn’t, actually, and he’s over three. He’s having night terrors and tantrums every night right now. I will read this book to him tonight when he wakes at 12 and tells me, sobbing, “I can’t sleep. It doesn’t work. I’m too tired. I need an ice cream cone.” Maybe I’ll just beat him with it. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/28 "2011-05-07T01:50:04Z")
You guys will LOVE this- [http://www.harpercollins.com/books/My-First-Dictionary-Ross-Horsley/?isbn=9780062000019](http://www.harpercollins.com/books/My-First-Dictionary-Ross-Horsley/?isbn=9780062000019) 🆒 My First Dictionary- Corrupting Young Mind One Letter at a Time! ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/29 "2011-05-07T07:29:34Z")
> [@Lissla\_Lissar](#): > > , tonight when he wakes at 12 and tells me, sobbing, “I can’t sleep. . I need an ice cream cone.”. oooooohh–gooooood idea! Ice cream cone every night at 12!!! You do give it to him, I hope. After all, he says he needs it. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/30 "2011-05-07T11:57:46Z")
Oh, yeah. We also come downstairs and play trains for a couple of hours while watching Elmo dvds. Of course. That’s what any reasonable parent would do. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/31 "2011-05-18T13:34:44Z")
Just found [a slide show of the full text with images](http://www.slideshare.net/spencermolly/go-the-f-to-sleep-7940745)- it just keeps getting better… Grim (whose 2 y/o has slept through the last three nights, Og be praised!!) ---
**Author:** ![HardlySanguine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/96bed5/32.png) [@HardlySanguine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HardlySanguine)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2011, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/32 "2011-06-14T23:17:31Z")
Bumping to link to Audible’s [release of a free audio version](http://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B00551W570) of this - read by Samuel L. Jackson, no less. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/33 "2011-06-16T02:36:16Z")
I posted the book cover on my FB wall a few weeks back and someone just posted the Samuel Jackson youtube clip on my wall today. I think I’ve said almost every line in that book in the past few weeks, right down to “I know you’re not thirsty, that’s bullshit, stop lying.” ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/34 "2011-06-16T04:52:19Z")
On a related note, Phil Lamarr of MAD TV presented Chris Rock’s lullabies, or “Rock-er-Byes”. [- YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6ZALeBiNJ8) ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/35 "2011-06-16T13:44:57Z")
> [@HardlySanguine](#): > > Bumping to link to Audible’s [release of a free audio version](http://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B00551W570) of this - read by Samuel L. Jackson, no less. Bumping again, because every motherfucking parent on this motherfucking board should download this while it’s still free. That motherfucking book was _written_ for Samuel L. Jackson. Listening to it was the funniest 5 minutes of the year. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/36 "2011-06-16T22:01:12Z")
Do be forwarned that with Audible, if you opt for Burn a CD, you can only burn ONE CD. You have to use that CD to reload into your computer to get one that you can burn repeatedly… I detest Audible and their DRM. If I buy it, I should be able to burn it more than once, just like any other CD I own. [I keep my source CDs in case by computer crashes.] ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/37 "2011-06-17T19:07:59Z")
Here’s SLJ reading the book on YouTube - dunno how long it’ll stay there: [- YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGDm45niITI) ---
**Author:** ![BunnyTVS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BunnyTVS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyTVS)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/38 "2011-06-21T12:21:41Z")
Is it wrong of me to want to hear Morgan Freeman read this as well? ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/39 "2011-06-21T13:12:34Z")
I mentioned in another thread that I don’t find this particularly funny, but I must admit that I would find it amusong if it were read by Julie Andrews in her best Mary Poppins voice… ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551/40 "2011-06-21T13:23:34Z")
> [@Elret](#): > > I mentioned in another thread that I don’t find this particularly funny, but I must admit that I would find it amusong if it were read by Julie Andrews in her best Mary Poppins voice… Brilliant. ETA: > [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Here’s SLJ reading the book on YouTube - dunno how long it’ll stay there: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGDm45niITI](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGDm45niITI) No longer available due to copyright blah blah. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-doper-parents-go-the-f-k-to-sleep/580551.md?page=3)