# For the first time I've genuinely lost interest in relationships and dating **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 30, 2016, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641 "2016-01-30T08:04:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/1 "2016-01-30T08:04:52Z")
Life update time: So after getting over my latest breakup over Christmas, it’s been a month into January. I’m back to my happy self doing all the things I love: Social dance, music, exercise, reading, job, being active…etc. My whole life I’ve been so driven to find a partner. Now at age 33…the idea of dating again just wears me out. I don’t want to. I know I’ll miss out on all the “amazing things”…including sex. But I just can’t see myself with anyone. I’m so much happier single. It’s so strange, because it’s like a defining factor of my life for years is now absent. I just want to keep enjoying my hobbies and friends and family. Is this weird? I feel it’s so awesome not to have the relationship headache on my brain right now ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/2 "2016-01-30T08:37:06Z")
No, it’s not weird. And they do say that if you’re comfortable in your own skin and just making friends in your everyday life, without chasing relationships for the sake of having one, that’s when you’re more likely actually to find one, because you’re not putting on a “dating” personality, just being yourself. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/3 "2016-01-30T12:16:48Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > No, it’s not weird. And they do say that if you’re comfortable in your own skin and just making friends in your everyday life, without chasing relationships for the sake of having one, that’s when you’re more likely actually to find one, because you’re not putting on a “dating” personality, just being yourself. I agree 100%. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/4 "2016-01-30T12:35:32Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > No, it’s not weird. And they do say that if you’re comfortable in your own skin and just making friends in your everyday life, without chasing relationships for the sake of having one, that’s when you’re more likely actually to find one, because you’re not putting on a “dating” personality, just being yourself. I came into this thread to post that I felt the exact same way as the OP did. And that’s when I met my current GF who happens to be the most awesome woman I’ve ever been in a relationship with. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/5 "2016-01-30T13:08:27Z")
I was going to say I find the whole idea of “dating” as a distinct activity (rather than just getting to know people, making friends, and doing things together that you share an interest in, without necessarily any other objective) - well, just a bit odd. Mechanistic, even. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/6 "2016-01-30T13:27:24Z")
I have never been in a relationship. It was kind of frustrating and depressing for a while, then I got used to it, and now I prefer it. Every so often the social culture will hint and nudge at me that surely I should be feeling lonely, and I go into a bit of a funk, but that’s increasingly rare, thankfully. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/7 "2016-01-30T15:20:14Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > No, it’s not weird. And they do say that if you’re comfortable in your own skin and just making friends in your everyday life, without chasing relationships for the sake of having one, that’s when you’re more likely actually to find one, because you’re not putting on a “dating” personality, just being yourself. I think the main reason is that you stop looking for someone to make you happy and start finding people who compliment your already found happiness. ---
**Author:** ![ElderSign](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eldersign/32/8263_2.png) [@ElderSign](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElderSign)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/8 "2016-01-30T16:15:48Z")
It’s just a phase you’re going through. You’ll be back…they always come back. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/9 "2016-01-30T22:15:32Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > I think the main reason is that you stop looking for someone to make you happy and start finding people who compliment your already found happiness. That’s a very good way of putting it. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/10 "2016-01-30T22:53:09Z")
> [@Quasimodal](#): > > Life update time: > > So after getting over my latest breakup over Christmas, it’s been a month into January. I’m back to my happy self doing all the things I love: Social dance, music, exercise, reading, job, being active…etc. My whole life I’ve been so driven to find a partner. Now at age 33…the idea of dating again just wears me out. I don’t want to. I know I’ll miss out on all the “amazing things”…including sex. But I just can’t see myself with anyone. I’m so much happier single. It’s so strange, because it’s like a defining factor of my life for years is now absent. I just want to keep enjoying my hobbies and friends and family. > > Is this weird? I feel it’s so awesome not to have the relationship headache on my brain right now I think that it’s great that you have come to this realization. You have to do what feels right for you, now and later. If sex is something that you say you’ll miss, maybe you could find someone else who feel as you do. Someone who is not interested in a relationship - who appeals to you, and you feel comfortable being intimate with. No strings attached. That’s what I would do. I would miss being touched too much, and cannot envision a life (possibly a lifetime) without it. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/11 "2016-01-30T23:02:41Z")
Good for you! I felt the same way as you at one time in my life. I turned 30, hadn’t had any worthwhile relationships for years, so I just resigned myself to being single. And I was happy as a clam. I travelled a lot for work so I got to see the country, made a ton of money, and no worries. I had just bought a condo in Chicago, and I was living large. I could make my condo look how I wanted, do whatever I wanted, etc. Five months later I started dating the woman that would become my wife. Not saying it will happen like this for you, but you’ve got the potential to be happy no matter your relationship status. Likewise you’ve got the potential to be unhappy whether coupled or single. I’m happily married, but I think I would’ve been a happily single guy too. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/12 "2016-01-30T23:15:41Z")
I came to the same realization at about the same age (I’m a 36 year old woman). I can’t imagine having to deal with dating or sharing my time with anyone else right now. I’m surprised YOU came to this realization because dating is all you ever talk about. But good for you! It’s not weird at all! ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2016, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/13 "2016-01-30T23:30:32Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > I think the main reason is that you stop looking for someone to make you happy and start finding people who compliment your already found happiness. That’s a lovely happiness you have there; it matches your shoes! ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/14 "2016-01-31T00:04:22Z")
> [@ElderSign](#): > > It’s just a phase you’re going through. > You’ll be back…they always come back. Seriously. You’re a month out from your last breakup. Come back and talk to us in a year. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/15 "2016-01-31T00:16:09Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > That’s a lovely happiness you have there; it matches your shoes! :smack: Hah, i meant **complement**. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/16 "2016-01-31T01:17:17Z")
> [@Quasimodal](#): > > Is this weird? Weird or no, I can’t say. Doesn’t matter even if it is. But it sure sounds like a healthy attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/17 "2016-01-31T01:26:10Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Seriously. You’re a month out from your last breakup. Come back and talk to us in a year. Seriously your tone sucks. How about don’t reply to any of my threads for a year? ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/18 "2016-01-31T01:33:31Z")
I’m at where I’m at and that’s it. We all figure things out on our own timeline. The advice that spoke to me in the past was “Go get what you want” “put yourself out there”…etc. I know many friends who met up with their SO through online dating…the same process I tried. So I was wrong to do that? Baloney. It was simply something I had to go through. Their luck and my lack of luck has lead to our own respective conclusions on what the “right” way to meet someone is. I’ve just been burnt out from my experiences. I like input here. I still shove aside what people assume about me based on bi-monthly posts or assumptions on my future (especially when they fill in blanks). I don’t post about my many daily successes /endeavors because I don’t need to. You guys here about my larger issues because I like the feedback. For which I’m thankful. Especially when it’s given with the intention of being supportive and helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/19 "2016-01-31T01:36:59Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > I think that it’s great that you have come to this realization. You have to do what feels right for you, now and later. If sex is something that you say you’ll miss, maybe you could find someone else who feel as you do. Someone who is not interested in a relationship - who appeals to you, and you feel comfortable being intimate with. No strings attached. > > That’s what I would do. I would miss being touched too much, and cannot envision a life (possibly a lifetime) without it. Social dance helps me with that alot. I do miss the sex component. I’m considering that option…maybe you can PM me with some advice on how to approach people that way respectfully. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2016, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641/20 "2016-01-31T01:40:23Z")
> [@Quasimodal](#): > > Seriously your tone sucks. How about don’t reply to any of my threads for a year? It’s a deal. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-first-time-ive-genuinely-lost-interest-in-relationships-and-dating/744641.md?page=2)