# For the Guys: Would You Do This? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648 "2003-02-04T04:15:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/21 "2003-02-04T13:51:01Z")
When I was in my 20’s, absolutely. If I was in my 20’s, and single, _today,_ absolutely not. That whole “friends first” thing. ---
**Author:** ![Texican](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ebca7d/32.png) [@Texican](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Texican)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/22 "2003-02-04T14:02:43Z")
The worst thing she could do is to phrase it like she is doing him a favor, or that she already knows the answer is yes. That is a total turnoff when a woman assumes that a man is incapable of saying no. Other than that, if she asked me, was attractive and made it clear it was just for fun (and could provide references she won’t turn into a stalker) then absolutely. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/23 "2003-02-04T14:48:13Z")
It should be that easy. Just walk up and ask. Somehow our society shuns such behavior, I can`t imagine why. But seriously, I`d be flattered if she asked me. At that point I could either accept or decline. I wouldn`t think she is off her rocker for asking because most guys are just waiting for the day when a good looking woman will ask for sex for no reason. Most men use a good portion of their cerebral reserves just trying to figure out how to ask a woman if she would like to have sex without getting slapped. To my knowledge, the practice has yet to be perfected. Although it worked ONCE for me. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/24 "2003-02-04T14:56:34Z")
I’ve studied various martial arts, from various styles, with about a dozen teachers. They tended to break down into two types of people: horn-dog jocks who would jump at this, and ascetic monk types who would be horribly offended. Not a lot of middle ground. Asking him out on a date after you’re no longer a student would likely not offend him, and if he’s really up for it, I’m sure he’ll let you know… ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/25 "2003-02-04T16:00:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 2trew \* > **I guess I should moderate my post a bit, to take Pucky Schumer and Tony Montana’s posts into account.** > \ > \*\*Sex is sex. It doesn’t have to be about anything else. It can be, maybe it should be, but it doesn’t have to be. \*\* We’ll ok after careful reconsideration, calculations,data research I changed my earlier position about the girl I mentioned earlier. _ **If** _ said girl came to my door and said “lets dance, no strings” I’d definitley be up for it. _However_ , givin she _likes_ me and IMO would want more than I’m willing to give at this point I’m not just gonna hump & dump thats just not me. Did I just say say that _again?_…_Damn_ you scruples, willy’s eatin’ bread and water because of you! ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/26 "2003-02-04T16:37:47Z")
The lady should ask, using terms that she is most happy with. ie if she really wants a relationship coffee and lunch first is a good idea, if she just wants some serious f\*cking then a more forward approach is better. She should be ready for a possible ‘no’ reply though, and should not feel rejected (too much) by it. As **xenothrob** noted a martial arts instructor is just like any other teacher, and so relationships with his students are a dangerous area of conflicting responsibilities. He also may well be in a serious long term relationship Cheers, Bippy (If he says ‘no’, send her over to me, I can teach her some martial arts if she like 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/27 "2003-02-04T17:10:54Z")
Put me down for a yes. Early 20’s, playing pro hockey…hell, most hockey players will fu\*\* anything and try most anything just to say they did. Groupies follow teams for a reason 😃 _starts singing “memories”_ ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/28 "2003-02-04T17:13:45Z")
Does the age difference factor into it? I didn’t want to say this to my friend, but as a 30something woman myself, I have serious doubts about whether a 20something guy would go for a woman my age, when he could be dating nubile 18 year olds. Is the age difference a factor? When you were 22ish, would you have hopped in the sack with a 32 year old woman? Assuming she’s attractive, but certainly not as, um, springy? as a 18 year old. Also, how does one find out if someone one hardly knows has a significant other without showing one’s hand? I mean, really, if she went up to him out of the blue and asked, I imagine he’s smart enough to figure out why she asked, and then… there’d be weirdness, wouldn’t there? I’m just guessing, but if a guy asked me the same question, I know I’d think something was up. I’d love to hear from some actually 20ish guys, if there are any out there… This is all very interesting to me. ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/29 "2003-02-04T17:19:45Z")
I’m thinking he’d agree, but she would have to be euphamistic about it. “Say, I was wondering, is there a _Mrs._ Miyagi?” “Um, no.” “Poor boy. In that case, I guess you wouldn’t mind if I made dinner for you sometime. How’s Saturday?” Something like that. Just get him into her house, have her pour a bottle and a half of wine into him, and have fun. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/30 "2003-02-04T17:30:26Z")
Ruby: Seeing as the fairer sex ages like a fine wine, I know at that age I would be “good to go” as it would represent a chance to learn something from one who may know. Young chicks were fine but it was more of a “they’ll do anything the guy wants” rather than a mutual experience. As for finding out, not sure. I’d just say ask seeing as she would be seen as forward in the following question anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/31 "2003-02-04T17:31:28Z")
I think she should practice on me first. Actually I think she should lay some ground work befor hand. You know let robe slip open a little bit. Make some eye contact after class. That sort of thing. Though no longer 20ish I would have at the time. Case in point. I used to run a movie theatre. There was a slightly older woman who came in alone quite a bit and lingered in the lobby much longer then neccessary and was always dressed in a manner that a woman going to the movies alone probably not dress. Now I had several college age guys working for me and I wasn’t much older then them. The problem was we didn’t know which of us she wanted to boink. If she would have made that clear she could have had some sweet projection booth sex. Of course we never asked her who she wanted so it never happened. ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/32 "2003-02-04T17:35:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by 2trew \* > \*\*As for “Who has the stones to ask that”, what do you think every guy who’s ever asked you to dance or tried to buy you a drink really meant? If we liked dancing, there would be clubs where we went to dance with each other in a non-gay athletic activity way, and if we just wanted to give away alcohol there’d be a lot more happy winos. \*\* That’s one of the best quotes about dating I’ve ever read, 2trew! Rubystreak: To answer the age question, when I was in my early twenties, if I had a chance with an attractive 30-ish woman I was comfortable with, I probably would have taken it. If she has any ideas about a longer relationship, though, this could be a problem. I think that when guys think about this in abstract terms – would you do it? – our tendency is to say “hell yes right now gimme gimme I want it.” But that’s the fantasy world. Our reactions in the real world can be a lot more complex. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/33 "2003-02-04T18:18:55Z")
2trew-Point well taken, but a bar or club is a venue for such approaches; a martial arts school, maybe not so much? Pucky–I agree with you. I think it’s easy to say, “sure, I’d do it,” but in the moment, I think it would be VERY awkward. I don’t know how “comfortable” they feel with each other; from what she’s told me, they’ve had very limited verbal interactions, mostly all business. If I know her, he has NO IDEA she even likes him that way. Also, think about it-- sweaty man, graceful, obviously strong, some limited physical contact = lust on the hoof for a woman in her sexual prime, with no basis in any real connection or mutuality between them. The more I think about it, the more I think that I personally would never be able to initiate such a thing with so little information, in spite of all the guys here who say GO FOR IT. It’s HARD to approach a near-stranger and get all personal like that. And oh, a blow-off would sting like a bitch. I’d probably just admire him from afar. Maybe this is why all my friends are still single… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/34 "2003-02-04T18:29:42Z")
Rubystreak: I’m in my early 40’s and I’d do it. Not that it’s likely to happen, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![cmosdes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@cmosdes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmosdes)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/35 "2003-02-04T18:49:16Z")
I’m not 20ish anymore, but I would have jumped at it. Why are people concerned about breaking the student/teacher barrier for a karate class?! This is karate and not school nor a job nor anything else remotely career threatening. Some guys have expressed a worry that if approached like this, they’d be worried the girl would turn into a stalker. I’m curious if your friend has considered that this guy might turn into a stalker. Having said that, I think she should just be upfront, and I think the guy would appreciate that… after all, who wouldn’t?? Her, after class: Mr. Miyagi, I know this is going to be a little forward, but I find you very attractive and I was wondering if you’d like to come back to my place, no strings attached. Take it from there. It is honest, straight forward, and no games. If he says no, she tried. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/36 "2003-02-04T19:11:31Z")
If I was single, and attracted to her, I’d probably do it. The attracted part is key, though – without an emotional connection, a physical connection would be essential. “Decent-looking” may or may not fall into that category. But your friend should go for it – she has a far greater chance of success than almost any guy who has ever hit on any given woman. Guys are used to asking women out, knowing they have at best a 50/50 chance. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/37 "2003-02-04T19:26:02Z")
If your friend has the confidence to do it, then I say she should go for it. She has no idea how he feels about this, but she knows what she wants and will never know how he feels unless she tries. For what it’s worth, this was a fantasy of mine when I was in my twenties. At one point I heard through the grapevine that a fifty-something year old friend was interested in a fling. I was interested, but nervous–I wasn’t that confident sexually and was afraid of making a fool of myself in bed; also dating a woman _over_ twice my age wasn’t exactly what I had in mind (at twenty-three I worried more about what I was supposed to do than what I wanted to do. It probably came off as snobbery.) Nothing came of it, so I assume that either she got nervous or she didn’t like the response that she got (not that I would blame her.) ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/38 "2003-02-04T19:33:22Z")
**Giraffe** is a wise man. At this point in my life, with the experiences I’ve had, I think I would probably dissapoint her with dropping dead of a heart attack before I could say, “yes.” Assuming I survive, I would most likely ask her to go for a drink and then … whatever. Side note: I have only ever been hit on by one woman, and I married her. Thus, the above would take into consideration status of being single. If this happened now, while I am married, I’d say thanks but no (probably) and go home to gloat to my dog, since my wife is far away. I would then jerk off and gloat to my wife via phone. If my wife were around at the time I’d ask her if she wanted a threesome. Goodness, there are so many variables!!! ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/39 "2003-02-04T19:43:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > **If this happened now, while I am married, I’d say thanks but no (probably) and go home to gloat to my dog, since my wife is far away. I would then jerk off and gloat to my wife via phone.** “See, now I can jerk off any time I want and _you_ can’t stop me!!” ::goes off to be wise somewhere else:: ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648/40 "2003-02-04T19:50:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubystreak \* > \*\*So what you’re saying is, she has to pretend she wants to go on a date with him, wine & dine him, and then just attack him \*\* I think this scenario would probably have more llikliehood of getting her laid than simply proposing sex off the bat. The OP’s proposal happens IRL so rarely to anyone but models and rock stars that MOST people would be taken aback. I think it’s real tough to answer this question objectively unless it’s happened to you, anyway. And how many people has it really happened to? Count me out. I’m not super religious (anymore), but I’ve had enough meaningless sex by now to know that random sex with a stranger is just. . . .meaningless. And life is too short to waste in a meaningless act. And a word to the OP’s friend: as every single guy knows, if the target is attractive and not putting out any kind of vibe, they’re probably already taken. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-guys-would-you-do-this/152648.md?page=3)