# For the lava god, you dumb bitch... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 25, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081 "2012-12-25T01:15:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/1 "2012-12-25T01:15:26Z")
Vaccinations do not cause autism. And of the 5 shrinks your boy has been to, only one has ever said “autism” and it was under his breath immediately following the phrase, “I don’t think he’s got any sort of.” Stick with the diagnosis he’s been given and STOP fucking with his lithium dosage! And ESET antivirus does NOT install viruses. Tell your gorilla of a boyfriend to keep his hands off our daughter’s computer. 'The fuck you thinkin? Monkeyboy just deleted a program I paid a 3 year subscription for. I’m hoping the good peeps at ESET will believe me because that non-working free-loader sure in hell can’t reimburse me for it. Will nobody rid me of this worthless shrew? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/2 "2012-12-25T01:24:42Z")
Lava for the LAVA GOD! Bow, mortals! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/3 "2012-12-25T01:25:54Z")
I’m guessing it’s your ex-wife? Are you counting down the days until your children are 18 and you no longer have to co-parent with her? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/4 "2012-12-25T01:29:59Z")
So does that Lava God merely _endorse_ vaccines, or does he actually create and provide them? 'cuz if it’s the latter, that actually seems like a pretty good deal, deity-wise. And it shows diversification, too. Tell me, what do his sacrifice requirements run? Y’know, ballpark. ---
**Author:** ![Headrush042](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Headrush042](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Headrush042)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/5 "2012-12-25T01:44:19Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > And ESET antivirus does NOT install viruses. Tell your gorilla of a boyfriend to keep his hands off our daughter’s computer. 'The fuck you thinkin? Monkeyboy just deleted a program I paid a 3 year subscription for. I’m hoping the good peeps at ESET will believe me because that non-working free-loader sure in hell can’t reimburse me for it. Do you have the original box? Or did you save the original email/online registration? I’m pretty sure you bought a 3-year _license_ for the product, and not just the ability to install the software once. Reinstalling (or downloading an installer) and entering your license code should fix it up. Did you create an online account? A legit login might be all you need, as well. I’ve never used ESET, so I don’t know how they run things. Most downloadable software suites do this, and they’ll recognize it’s still the same computer associated with that license. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/6 "2012-12-25T01:49:53Z")
That would be Pele, and She’s a Goddess. I hear She’s not too friendly so you might want to clarify who you’re calling a dumb bitch. :eek:;)😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/7 "2012-12-25T02:32:54Z")
Pele demands a sacrifice! ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/8 "2012-12-25T02:36:00Z")
First we have to find a virgin! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/9 "2012-12-25T02:45:37Z")
They used to tell me they were virgins. Then they told me they were lesbians. Now they’re neither and I’m old. Very funny, God. Real rib-tickler. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/10 "2012-12-25T04:40:37Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > First we have to find a virgin! Somehow I don’t think Pele would find Steve Carell very appetizing. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/11 "2012-12-25T13:05:58Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > They used to tell me they were virgins. Then they told me they were lesbians. Now they’re neither and I’m old. Very funny, God. Real rib-tickler. I share your pain. When I was young, it was “sorry, I don’t date broke losers.” Now years later and I’m finally making a little money, and it’s “sorry, I can’t break a hundred.” ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/12 "2012-12-25T13:51:32Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > That would be Pele, and She’s a Goddess. [I’m pretty sure Pele is a man](http://www.myhero.com/images/guest/g28014/hero26360/g28014_u26491_pele_bicycle_kick.jpg). But where do you find a virgin soccer ball ?. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/13 "2012-12-25T15:49:37Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > First we have to find a virgin! “See? I told you the natives weren’t hostile to Americans. Their eyes lit up when we told them we were Virginians!” ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/14 "2012-12-25T16:24:48Z")
> [@detop](#): > > [I’m pretty sure Pele is a man](http://www.myhero.com/images/guest/g28014/hero26360/g28014_u26491_pele_bicycle_kick.jpg). But where do you find a virgin soccer ball ?. He’s lucky, imagine if his mother had named him Venus or Isis. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/15 "2012-12-25T21:20:03Z")
> [@detop](#): > > [I’m pretty sure Pele is a man](http://www.myhero.com/images/guest/g28014/hero26360/g28014_u26491_pele_bicycle_kick.jpg). But where do you find a virgin soccer ball ?. That’s easy; just leave the rum out. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/16 "2012-12-26T01:45:19Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Will nobody rid me of this worthless shrew? Careful there Henry!😛 The Pope will have you doing a major penance!😃 ---
**Author:** ![buckgully](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb9ed0/32.png) [@buckgully](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buckgully)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/17 "2012-12-26T02:47:27Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > That’s easy; just leave the rum out. Wait, there’s supposed to be rum in there? Suddenly, soccer is now my favorite sport. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/18 "2012-12-26T03:16:23Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Lava for the LAVA GOD! Bow, mortals! Pumice for the Pumice Throne! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/19 "2012-12-26T07:33:21Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > That would be Pele, and She’s a Goddess. > I hear She’s not too friendly so you might want to clarify who you’re calling a dumb bitch. :eek:;)😃 Vulcanus was male, last time Aphrodite bothered to check… ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081/20 "2012-12-26T12:42:06Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Pumice for the Pumice Throne! There it is. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-lava-god-you-dumb-bitch/645081.md?page=2)