# For the love of god... (warning, disturbing) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 17, 2006, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050 "2006-08-17T04:16:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Otanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Otanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otanx)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/41 "2006-08-19T07:31:45Z")
[QUOTE=Subway Prophet] I recall the school settled on that one, and all I got was workman’s comp. I coulda probably gotten more if I had a lawyer, but I was young and (ahem) needed the money. [/QUOTE] So what you are trying to say is that you kneeded the dough? -Otanx ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/42 "2006-08-19T12:13:19Z")
[QUOTE=Phase42] Where do you go when you want to buy spatulas at a fraction of retail cost? Spatula City! [/QUOTE] Spatula City, we sell spatulas–and that’s all! ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/43 "2006-08-19T12:33:59Z")
So I’m wondering how the mess was cleaned up and what the family got back for burial. Ye gads, I wouldn’t want to have to clean that up. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/44 "2006-08-19T14:52:23Z")
[QUOTE=Surly Chick] So I’m wondering how the mess was cleaned up and what the family got back for burial. Ye gads, I wouldn’t want to have to clean that up. [/QUOTE] I’d imagine his remains where just blown into the back of a truck with the rest of the mulch. The sounds insensitve, but, other then a quick hosing down, I’d imagine there isn’t much mess to deal with. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/45 "2006-08-19T14:59:54Z")
[QUOTE=Surly Chick] what the family got back for burial [/QUOTE] Folks, the spoiler box is there for a reason. Keep that in mind before proceeding. What the family got back for burial: coarse-chop hamburger and bone fragments mixed with garden mulch. Wetter and more red than the usual product of a tree-chipper. Definitely a closed-casket funeral, if they didn’t opt for cremation. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/46 "2006-08-19T15:11:19Z")
In other words, you’re saying his name should’ve been Pete ---
**Author:** ![wheelie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b4bc9f/32.png) [@wheelie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheelie)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/47 "2006-08-19T15:40:52Z")
They could plant a garden in his memory. Although he should probably compost for a year or so first. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/48 "2006-08-19T15:47:02Z")
[QUOTE=Joey P] “For the love of god…part duex” (pronounced deeeewwww like in Naked Gun Part Duex) [/QUOTE] I think it’s _d-e-u-x_ that’s pronounced deeeewwww. Now you’ve got me going around muttering, “For the love of god…part _dwecks_.” It has a certain ring to it. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/49 "2006-08-19T16:07:36Z")
Something just occurred to me after reading the description of the… er, remains. [spoiler]Someone _claimed_ they saw this happen, that they saw the guy go through the chipper. (And for the record, I’m not doubting it in this particular case.) They’re probably not going to perform an autopsy because, well, cause of death seems pretty obvious. In theory, why couldn’t you stick a nicely shaved goat into a chipper, and then claim it was Dear Departed Dad? DDD gets to run off and escape his creditors, and since there was an eyewitness and an obvious cause of death, there might be very little investigation… Sorry, been reading murder mysteries. (Wimsey, Marple, Poirot, and Koko)[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Subway\_Prophet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@Subway\_Prophet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subway_Prophet)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/50 "2006-08-19T16:29:35Z")
[QUOTE=Fish] In theory, why couldn’t you stick a nicely shaved goat into a chipper, and then claim it was Dear Departed Dad? DDD gets to run off and escape his creditors, and since there was an eyewitness and an obvious cause of death, there might be very little investigation… [/QUOTE] [spoiler]I think all the goat horns and goat hooves and goat DNA and goat skin replete with squid sucker marks would give away the presence of a goat. Besides, have you ever tried pushing an unwilling goat into a wood chipper? Trust me, it ain’t no picnic, and the bugger may chomp onto your sleeve at last minute and pull you in with him. And assuming you survive the wood chipper, you’ll have a suspiciously goat-mouth-sized mark on your forearm that you’ll spend forever trying to explain to the relatives. See, what you really want is a drugged and shaved monkey. No fuss, no muss, no hooves.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/51 "2006-08-19T16:34:05Z")
[QUOTE=Subway Prophet] [spoiler]I think all the goat horns and goat hooves and goat DNA and goat skin replete with squid sucker marks would give away the presence of a goat. Besides, have you ever tried pushing an unwilling goat into a wood chipper? Trust me, it ain’t no picnic, and the bugger may chomp onto your sleeve at last minute and pull you in with him. And assuming you survive the wood chipper, you’ll have a suspiciously goat-mouth-sized mark on your forearm that you’ll spend forever trying to explain to the relatives. See, what you really want is a drugged and shaved monkey. No fuss, no muss, no hooves.[/spoiler] [/QUOTE] hmmm 'fraid there arn’t too many monkeys in Kenosha. Maybe ALOT of gerbils. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/52 "2006-08-19T17:05:41Z")
Get lab monkeys. Just make sure to match the color to dad (black, yellow, or chocolate). For the love of god, part treeoze! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/53 "2006-08-19T17:48:15Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] Get lab monkeys. Just make sure to match the color to dad (black, yellow, or chocolate). For the love of god, part treeoze! :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Wll my dad has olive colored skin. So I guess I’ll take 3 yellows and one chocolate. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/54 "2006-08-19T18:44:09Z")
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug] (black, yellow, or chocolate). [/QUOTE] I just sprayed Diet Coke all over my monitor. Oh well, it needed cleaned anyway. ---
**Author:** ![ladybug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@ladybug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladybug)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/55 "2006-08-19T20:21:40Z")
[QUOTE=Joey P] Literally just a few miles away from the wood chipper incident another man fell into a vat of [chocolate.](http://www.todaystmj4.com/_content/news/topstories/story_3983.asp) The had to call in a rescue crew and use cocoa butter to get him out. [/QUOTE] Someone at the TV studio had way too much fun designing the graphic for the story. ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/56 "2006-08-19T20:53:59Z")
[QUOTE=Fish] What’s worse is that I’m sure he’s not the only one who nudges those logs with his feet to get them to go. [/QUOTE] I read this as “nudges those feet with his logs.” Yeah, I just watched _Fargo_ yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/57 "2006-08-20T19:55:46Z")
[QUOTE=Subway Prophet] [spoiler]I think all the goat horns and goat hooves and goat DNA and goat skin replete with squid sucker marks would give away the presence of a goat. Besides, have you ever tried pushing an unwilling goat into a wood chipper? Trust me, it ain’t no picnic, and the bugger may chomp onto your sleeve at last minute and pull you in with him. And assuming you survive the wood chipper, you’ll have a suspiciously goat-mouth-sized mark on your forearm that you’ll spend forever trying to explain to the relatives. See, what you really want is a drugged and shaved monkey. No fuss, no muss, no hooves.[/spoiler] [/QUOTE] Or a pre-deceased goat. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/58 "2006-08-20T20:15:33Z")
[QUOTE=Neidhart] Or a pre-deceased goat. [/QUOTE] No no, the secret (and I can’t believe you guys didn’t pick up on it), is you make a cannon out of PVC pipe to shoot your goat into the shredder with. And while I’m horrified by the idea, some folks just can’t seem to let go of their 80’s skater lingo. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/59 "2006-08-21T04:51:48Z")
I’m inspired to go reread Stephen King’s _The Mangler_. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2006, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050/60 "2006-08-21T04:56:26Z")
Or maybe _The Monkler_. It has a taste… for monkeys! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-love-of-god-warning-disturbing/369050.md?page=4)