# For the men...you're in a "tap out" fight against Serena Williams. Who wins? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 30, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558 "2013-08-30T02:37:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gerund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@gerund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gerund)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/1 "2013-08-30T02:37:57Z")
\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/2 "2013-08-30T02:40:10Z")
If she’s healthy, I bet she’s pretty damn strong. And I would not mind at all if she overpowered me to the point where I felt the need to submit. ---
**Author:** ![gerund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ed655f/32.png) [@gerund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gerund)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/3 "2013-08-30T02:44:29Z")
But now suppose the fight is for 10k. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/4 "2013-08-30T02:44:33Z")
Once my head was locked between her thighs I’d be unable to breath. But I wouldn’t tap out. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/5 "2013-08-30T02:48:28Z")
If it means close physical contact with her, I win. I almost certainly lose the fight, but I still win. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/6 "2013-08-30T03:17:40Z")
Well, if she has any martial arts training at all she probably breaks me in to pieces, since I’ve none at all, and no real experience of fighting. Plus as a woman she _probably_ doesn’t adhere to any silly macho ideal of a “fair fight”, and would probably whip out a weapon to stab, shoot or club me with. ---
**Author:** ![Obeseus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbce88/32.png) [@Obeseus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obeseus)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/7 "2013-08-30T03:19:10Z")
I could easily kick her ass, but I’d take it easy on her and just let her wear herself out. I’d also see if I could bang her at some point during the fight. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2013, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/8 "2013-08-30T03:32:01Z")
Yes, I could tap out Serena Williams, but since submission grappling isn’t her thing it’s kind of like saying I could beat a Sumo wrestler in a foot race or an Olympic fencer in freestyle rapping. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/9 "2013-08-31T02:13:22Z")
No contest. She could kick my ass from here to next week. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/10 "2013-08-31T02:18:18Z")
This is R. Crumb’s fever dream. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/11 "2013-08-31T02:34:52Z")
Heh, astro. I do a lot of shit well, but fighting is something I’ve got all the wrong instincts for, plus I’m scrawny and short. Unless my kids are in danger or something, your average fifteen-year-old could take me down, let alone a professional athlete. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/12 "2013-08-31T02:54:43Z")
I’m not particularly strong or anything, slapp-bang in the middle of Averageville in strength. No doubt, if it was serious enough for me to break the “don’t hit girls” rule, I’d win. The fewer the rules, the easier my win would be. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/13 "2013-08-31T03:02:02Z")
I have no idea if she is a better fighter. She is certainly a better athlete than me. Her cardio is much better than me so she would just have to wait until I collapse panting on the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/14 "2013-08-31T03:05:43Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Once my head was locked between her thighs I’d be unable to breath. But I wouldn’t tap out. This. But what a way to go. I’d die smiling. ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/15 "2013-08-31T04:15:48Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > But what a way to go. I’d die smiling. For me, it would be painful suffocation. There’s too much [junk in that trunk](http://sosickwithit.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/0416-serena-williams-inf-3_zps5036ca1c.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/16 "2013-08-31T04:56:54Z")
As long as there are no weapons involved and it is no holds barred, I win, quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/17 "2013-08-31T12:15:58Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > I’m not particularly strong or anything, slapp-bang in the middle of Averageville in strength. > > No doubt, if it was serious enough for me to break the “don’t hit girls” rule, I’d win. The fewer the rules, the easier my win would be. Actually, I’d think you’d do best with rules. In a fight with no rules, then she’s free to try things that negate your strength advantage, like using crippling attacks or weapons; things like eye gouging, breaking or dislocating a kneecap, or plain old stabbing you with a knife. In a match with rules about “no permanent injuries, no weapons” then your size and strength advantages become much harder to overcome. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/18 "2013-08-31T14:07:38Z")
> [@AnalogSignal](#): > > For me, it would be painful suffocation. There’s too much [junk in that trunk](http://sosickwithit.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/0416-serena-williams-inf-3_zps5036ca1c.jpg). To quote the great poet Sir Mix-a-Lot: _I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can’t deny When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough ‘Cause you notice that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she’s wearing I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring Oh baby, I wanna get with you And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But that butt you got makes me so horny Ooh, Rump-o’-smooth-skin You say you wanna get in my Benz? Well, use me, use me ‘Cause you ain’t that average groupie I’ve seen them dancin’ To hell with romancin’ She’s sweat, wet, Got it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette I’m tired of magazines Sayin’ flat butts are the thing Take the average black man and ask him that She gotta pack much back So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!) Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!) Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!) Shake that healthy butt! Baby got back!_ \*\*{ NSFW YouTube video: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/_JphDdGV2TU/hqdefault.jpg "Sir Mix A Lot - Baby Got Back (Official Video)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JphDdGV2TU) NSFW }\*\* ---
**Author:** ![AnalogSignal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/analogsignal/32/1085_2.png) [@AnalogSignal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnalogSignal)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/19 "2013-08-31T15:09:29Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > To quote the great poet Sir Mix-a-Lot: > > _I like big butts and I can not lie_ I counter with the teachings of philosopher Arthur Godfrey: \*She’s a twosome, She’s a foursome If she’d lose some I would like her more some **I don’t want her, you can have her She’s too fat for me She’s too fat for me She’s too fat for me** \* YouTube: [Too Fat Polka (She’s Too Fat For Me)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uOu-sDFfS8) (SFW) ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558/20 "2013-08-31T15:34:32Z")
Calling Serena Williams fat is the height of silliness. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-the-men-youre-in-a-tap-out-fight-against-serena-williams-who-wins/667558.md?page=2)