# For those with high numbers, how do you find so many willing sex partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683 "2005-08-26T03:21:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/21 "2005-08-26T16:22:47Z")
Eat lightly. Stretch. Arrest your ego. Always remember: the most satisfying sex is not to be found with vain women or arm candy, but their tagalog neglected friend. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/22 "2005-08-26T16:24:40Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Since my sleeping-around days were in the late 80’s/early 90’s, it was simply a matter of having really long hair, hanging out in rock clubs and dressing like I was supposed to be on stage. _head whips around in **Hal Briston** ’s direction_ Whoa, sorry about that. Damn reflexes! ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/23 "2005-08-26T16:46:14Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > Always remember: the most satisfying sex is not to be found with vain women or arm candy, but their tagalog neglected friend. Sadly, most men don’t realize that the wingman often gets it better than the lead. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/24 "2005-08-26T16:57:25Z")
I was a teen girl that was allowed to do whatever I wanted. I was determined to have every male within reach “like” me and I’d do whatever necessary to achieve this goal. Finding guys was easy enough with school, but Overton Square was known for letting teen girls into their bars. Millington Naval base was open back then, so I had sailors buying me drinks me every weekend and telling me they loved me. Like I said in the other thread, I was a silly girl. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/25 "2005-08-26T17:03:25Z")
> [@AskNott](#): > > From the two or three guys I know in that category, the biggest thing is “always trolling.” They flirt shamelessly with _every_ woman they meet. They strike out with most of them, but some bite. To continue the fishing analogy, they know they won’t catch all the fish in the lake, but they won’t catch anything if they don’t keep throwing that lure. This is why I’ll never ever have a high number. It just seems so totally pathetic to me. These guys hitting on everything that moves - I just shake my head and thank the Maker that I’m not one of them. I don’t think I can put into words how deeply silly, on a visceral level, I consider their behaviour. I’ve heard girlfriends talk about attempted come-ons for a decade now, and every time I ask myself if that stuff _ever_ works. I look at spam kind of the same way. What kind of airhead falls for this stuff? But, apparently, people do. And women fall for those guys too. Oh, and **Malacandra**? Two. Both attractive, though. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/26 "2005-08-26T17:05:07Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > Always remember: the most satisfying sex is not to be found with vain women or arm candy, but their tagalog neglected friend. Yep … Filipinas are hot, hot, hot! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/27 "2005-08-26T17:14:54Z")
I’ve had the opportunity to participate in several group scenes, and there’s nothing that will numbers quite like a good, old fashioned orgy. It has the extra added bonus of eliminating the question of whether or not anyone is interested in sex - everyones there for only one thing. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/28 "2005-08-26T17:25:47Z")
[_sigh_](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php) ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/29 "2005-08-26T17:32:35Z")
Not having a wife or girlfriend for 10 years would certainly help jack those numbers up. Even so, if you conservatively become sexually active at age 18, get laid by about 5 different women a year, that’s like 50 women by the time you are 28. And 5 a year doesn’t sound like all that much if you’re the type of guy who goes out like all the time. Much of it is the environment you hang out in. If you are a single straight man with a job in NYC, your odds are a lot better than if you were living in Hartford, CT. If you have a summer shore house where there’s a big post-college party scene, your opportunities increase. Living in a fraternity doesn’t hurt. Also, a lot of guys lie or exagerate. A friend of mine was trying to claim that he slept with 50 women. His buddy and I are like “you’ve dated three girls for like 5 years each. Between the two of us, one of us has been out with you nearly every weekend we go out drinking. When did you have time to find those other 37 women?” Also, one of my favorite lines from Road Trip: “Dude…it’s totally NOT cool to make out with a girl and then say you slept with her!” Bottom line. If you just want to ring up your stats, just go out drinking every thurs, fri, sat night (or any time you can) and just strike up a conversation with every girl you see. Don’t spend more than 5-10 minutes at a time with any one girl and keep at it until you get a) a number b) her to make out with you c) a blowjob in the bathroom or d) her to ask you to come home with her. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/30 "2005-08-26T17:42:08Z")
> [@](#): > > numbers from 30 on into the hundreds Well, let’s see… I’m politically-sexually _weird_ in ways that put a rather formidable wall between me and a great deal of random sexual experience. (Detail: I’m male and I simply do not initiate things, and by “initiate” I mean doing anything that moves any situation from “not explicitly indisputably sexual to over that line”). And I’m ponderously serious, the kind of intellectual dweeb that you would most effectively flirt with by starting a conversation about whether MacKinnon or Chesler had the better take on how sexual objectification functions in a context already defined by male domination. And I got devirginated at a relatively ripe old age (21). And I’ve been in relationships a decent portion of the time since, and although not monogamous or exclusivist that has tended to suppress my tendency to have sex with other people. And a significant portion of the population that I tend to find sufficiently attractive to bed (I’m wired as hetero) tends to find me leaving a funny & off-putting impression (this guy doesn’t respond right), figures that I don’t do females (must be gay), or doesn’t even register me on their sexual radar at all (male but irrelevant). And yet even I am over halfway to the threshold of what you term “high numbers”. Honestly, I’d expect that anyone who has _not_ been in only a few always-exclusive relationships during the course of their sexual life (i.e., what **msmith** said above) would tally considerably higher than I have. Figure that between one rel and the next you have 2, 3, 4 false starts that don’t pan out and become ongoing relationships. Figure that there may be some casual sex for its own sake that weren’t expected to pan out and become relationships in that same time frame. Figure that some of the relationships don’t last more than 3 years. That easily adds up to 6 every 4 years (easily more than double that given the same “figurings”). Now figure getting devirginated at a more common age like 17. By 21, 6 people; by 25, 12 people; by 29 or 30, 18 people. By 40, you’re easily over 30 people at that rate. Toss in any variable that makes multiple couplings in a short time-frame more likely — participation in a singles’ match-em-up thingie between relationships, being nonmonogamous and having multiple concurrent relationships and/or random casual sex or flinglets during the course of relationships, being monogamous in name only and cheating during relationships, going to an orgy or pseudo-orgiastic party and doing more than one person at a single event — and it’s really easy to toss on an extra 12 or 18 incidents. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/31 "2005-08-26T17:45:01Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > [_sigh_](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php) That’s some damn good animation, **CynicalGabe.** Thanks for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/32 "2005-08-26T17:54:25Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > I’ve heard girlfriends talk about attempted come-ons for a decade now, and every time I ask myself if that stuff _ever_ works. I look at spam kind of the same way. What kind of airhead falls for this stuff? But, apparently, people do. Eh, it seems to me that women aren’t necessarily “falling” for anything. It’s entirely possible that she, just like him, is only looking for a casual romp and the horny guy spouting lines is an adequate choice. He’s certainly got a better chance than the guy sitting at the back table tsk tsking and thinking she’s an airhead. Which is likely for the best, when casual types collide with earnest pursuers it’s rarely pretty. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/33 "2005-08-26T18:02:29Z")
Not only was I not indescriminate, I was downright picky. Can’t remember a single time that I later looked back on with regret. But I adore women and put the good ones on a pedestal and I think that came through. Plus, some other things were probably working because attractive women seemed to expect and enjoy my attention. Being fit, going to college, having a good job, being interested in what made women tick, waiting until 37 to marry, it just kinda happened… and happened… and happened. Thank goodness there were long, monogamous relationships in there or it might reall have been a disturbing number. ---
**Author:** ![OrangeJumpsuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/45deac/32.png) [@OrangeJumpsuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrangeJumpsuit)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/34 "2005-08-26T18:02:59Z")
Having a vagina helps. If you don’t have one, being good looking with a personality definitely helps, Kalhoun is right about that. If you’re fat, boring and ugly, you’d better just throw a million darts and let the law of averages land you a bullseye. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/35 "2005-08-26T18:08:16Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > _head whips around in **Hal Briston** ’s direction_ > > Whoa, sorry about that. Damn reflexes! Heh…sorry, the hair has been cut, the spandex traded in for khakis, and the nights in the club replaced with doting on a pregnant wife. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/36 "2005-08-26T18:29:00Z")
A friend of mine is a gal with a very long list. She was working as a barmaid, and she noticed a couple of military recruiters who would come into the bar about, in full uniform, 45 minutes before closing time. They were hunting for women who were pretty well sloshed by then. They had a good success rate. One night, she scolded them for their strategy, and she took one home. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/37 "2005-08-26T18:32:19Z")
Um, that should have been, "who would come into the bar , in full uniform, **about** 45 minutes before closing time. ---
**Author:** ![EarthStone777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@EarthStone777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EarthStone777)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/38 "2005-08-26T18:33:35Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > [_sigh_](http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php) Ok, who’s the wiseass with 3.5 partners? ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/39 "2005-08-26T18:54:10Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > Eh, it seems to me that women aren’t necessarily “falling” for anything. It’s entirely possible that she, just like him, is only looking for a casual romp and the horny guy spouting lines is an adequate choice. He’s certainly got a better chance than the guy sitting at the back table tsk tsking and thinking she’s an airhead. I didn’t mean to imply she was an airhead, although, if she believes anything the guy said, she certainly is. What I don’t get is the pure irrationality of it all. If she didn’t want to sleep with him before he opened his mouth, why would the insipid, puerile lines he delivers change that? If she did want to sleep with him, why does he need to start delivering lines in the first place? It makes no sense. But that’s not the part that makes me go “jeez”. She wants sex, she gets sex. The pathetic, ridiculous part is the guys. Being so desperate for sex that you do and say stuff like that and still manage to look yourself in the mirror in the morning… I guess they and I were just built from different blueprints. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/40 "2005-08-26T19:21:37Z")
> [@OrangeJumpsuit](#): > > Having a vagina helps. A vagina, huh? So that’s the trick. Where can I get one of these vaginas? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683.md?page=3)