# For those with high numbers, how do you find so many willing sex partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683 "2005-08-26T03:21:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/41 "2005-08-26T19:23:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Is there a secret word that you use. For me (and I’m in the very low range of your high numbers with right around 30 partners), the secret word was “Yes.” I was a good looking young thing and I never had to do anything more strenuous than flirt with the object of my affection and wait for _him_ to ask me. I imagine it would have gotten more difficult as I got older – I got married at 25 and put a padlock on the Nookie Machine (my husband has the only key). ---
**Author:** ![OrangeJumpsuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/45deac/32.png) [@OrangeJumpsuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrangeJumpsuit)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/42 "2005-08-26T19:33:44Z")
> [@Neurotik](#): > > A vagina, huh? So that’s the trick. Where can I get one of these vaginas? Most people are born with theirs, but I hear there are doctors who can arrange that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/43 "2005-08-26T19:57:03Z")
I’m having real trouble putting a point on this subject. I think my successes were form several factors at different points. During my Army days, wearing a uniform seemed to be all I had to do. Afterwards I think it was more confidence, an easy going nature and being quick with a joke, or generally being witty. I was rarely a barfly, and I’d say at least 75% of the time women came on to me, rather than the other way around. I don’t think I’ve had more than a dozen one night stands. Most of them, I would classify them more as mini relatioships. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/44 "2005-08-26T20:17:42Z")
I’m just relieved to hear that 30 is the lowest high number: I can sleep with 9 more guys and still not be a slut! 😃 Funny how it’s so much easier for women to get laid than men, yet our numbers are often expected to be lower. . . ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/45 "2005-08-26T20:29:13Z")
Yep, being a girl means I can get laid any time I want to- weekly, daily, hourly, whatever. I won’t demean myself by putting up numbers, but let’s just say that low self-esteem + alcohol = lots and lots of sexual partners… In my younger days, I was all over the place. Now, I am a contented wife and mommy to my beautiful boys. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/46 "2005-08-26T20:37:11Z")
“I don’t know how he gets all those women - all he ever does is stand there and lick his eyebrows.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/47 "2005-08-27T00:00:58Z")
When I was actively dating, I was rather successful. I always respected women, never competed with them (not intellectually or emotionally) and always listened. For the most part, it proved to be a very positive combination for both individuals involved. TV ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/48 "2005-08-27T00:47:08Z")
I had a friend in high school who was rumored to be quite the stud. We wound up being roommates in college, and I got to see him at work – something of an honor, because he worked without a wingman. The guy wasn’t particularly handsome, and didn’t have much money. He really didn’t go after that many girls, but any girl he went after, he could score with. It was like watching a great athlete at the top of his game. You know it’s hard work, but it all looks so natural. 1. He was blessed with supreme self-confidence. He simply never considered that he might not get the girl 2. He was relentless. Not in a creeepy-stalker sort of way, but he considered every roadblock, every obstacle to be only a speedbump on an otherwise smooth highway. 3. Like Batman, he was prepared. He and I once competed for the same girl. I showed up at 8:30 to walk her to class, he was there at 7:30 to buy her breakfast. I asked her out on Wednesday for Friday, he had arranged her entire weekend on Tuesday. Confidence, determination and preparation. It worked every time for him. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/49 "2005-08-27T00:56:19Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > It was like watching a great athlete at the top of his game. You know it’s hard work, but it all looks so natural. The difference is: an athlete can train. The kind of self-assurance you’re talking about is almost impossible to attain, because the harder you work for it, the less likely you are to achieve it. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/50 "2005-08-27T01:20:34Z")
Would someone mind linking to the original thread? I can’t seem to find it anywhere… ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/51 "2005-08-27T01:24:28Z")
Um, just kidding. Three searches with different words turned up nothing, but there it is at the bottom of the second page… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/52 "2005-08-27T05:41:56Z")
For me it was pretty easy. When you are young, horny and Gay, all you have to do is find other young, horny Gay guys. No rocket science there. The numbers, so to speak, add up quickly. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/53 "2005-08-27T06:00:07Z")
Adding a vote for “be gay”. There are a lot of venues for sex that straight folks don’t really have the opportunity or knowledge to take advantage of. Let’s just say that between the ages of 14 and 23 I was the Tearoom Teen Queen of Altoona and State College, PA. Hey, I didn’t say they were _pleasant_ venues for sex… ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/54 "2005-08-30T16:29:19Z")
Back in the days when I was single and playing the field, I learned very, very quickly that women responded in a very positive manner if I was nice to them. They as a group are pretty fed up with the “lounge lizard” sort of guy. A male who is polite, treats them nicely, courts them to some degree, listens to them and who doesn’t lie to them is a rare animal, apparently, and they appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/55 "2005-08-30T20:09:11Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > The difference is: an athlete can train. The kind of self-assurance you’re talking about is almost impossible to attain, because the harder you work for it, the less likely you are to achieve it. I disagree. Confidence pretty much comes with becoming comfortible performing an activity. You can be comfortible playing basketball without being an NBA level athlete. A person can practice striking up conversations with strangers. Formulating a basic plan for the evening can also build confidence. Besides, confidence only helps you approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they say no and not stammer when you speak. It still doesn’t mean they’ll like you. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/56 "2005-08-30T20:55:11Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Besides, confidence only helps you approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they say no and not stammer when you speak. It still doesn’t mean they’ll like you. Don’t underestimate confidence. Hell, if I had had the confidence to approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they said no and not stammer when I spoke, I could have had much higher numbers. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/57 "2005-08-30T22:48:44Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Besides, confidence only helps you approach women, not be emotionally destroyed if they say no and not stammer when you speak. It still doesn’t mean they’ll like you. The thing is, if you’re going for numbers, it becomes a numbers game. The more you approach, the more you end up sleeping with. If you’re too timid to talk to any women, you’re not going to get laid. As always, the above doesn’t really hold when you start looking at the all-male side of things. Or rather, it does, but not as strongly. I’ve had an awful lot of “encounters” where not a word was said. Hell, I’ve had an awful lot of encounters where I never saw their faces… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/58 "2005-08-31T01:20:47Z")
Let’s face it, if you want numbers, your best bet is to be wanting to have sex with men, either a straight woman or a gay man. ---
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/59 "2005-08-31T01:55:40Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Since my sleeping-around days were in the late 80’s/early 90’s, it was simply a matter of having really long hair, hanging out in rock clubs and dressing like I was supposed to be on stage. That mirrors my experience pretty well except I _was_ on the stage. Long hair, check. Appropriate rock’n’roll attire, check. Playing in the band, check. Getting laid made easy. It didn’t hurt that I was also nice to the women unlike some of the guys I knew. The problem became, after a while, that you ended up slepping with everyone you wanted to as the population of the bar scene didn’t change very fast. So you ran out of people to have sex with. There was a slow turn over of people but it was a fairly stable group. Except I did have a couple women who I was sex buddies with, basically if neither of us found someone we’d go home together\*. Another problem, for me on at least 2 occasions, was hitting on someone after forgetting that you had already done the deed with that person. I drank alot at that time and sometimes things were pretty blurry the next day. I got slapped\*\* once by a woman who was pissed because I forgot I had slept with her about 6 months before. It was pretty simple when I was doing that kind of thing, just be cool to the gals, be confident, and you’d probably end up getting laid. It also helped that just about everyone had been drinking. Slee \*It scares me when I think about how much we slept around. I was careful most of the time but not all the time. Luckily I never caught anything. \*\*The funny things is that this woman was pissed that I forgot we slept togther after a heavy night of drinking yet she didn’t think it was a big deal that she forgot to meantion that she was married. Her husband wanted to kick my ass and I didn’t even know he existed. He came up to me one night all pissed and wanted to fight. It didn’t happen, my friend who was a body builder stepped in and that ended it, but I had no idea why the guy wanted to fight me until like 7 or 8 months later when I found out who his wife was. \*\*\* \*\*\*I’m not proud of what I used to do. I’m not exactly sorry about it either. I was young, dumb and horny. I made it a point to _NOT_ go home with married/dating women. I didn’t want the hassle and thought it was uncool to cheat on your significant other. I have never cheated on a girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![DougC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683/60 "2005-08-31T10:18:25Z")
- - - I am not one who has this sort of habit (of having many sex partners) but I would say that this question is semi-related to the _other_ thread about “how do porn directors find so many willing attractive people”. People who do this (enter into sexual contact relatively quickly/easily, or for pay) tend to have circles of like-minded friends. Sex is by nature something you can’t do on your own (well ummm, you can but, -you know). ~ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-those-with-high-numbers-how-do-you-find-so-many-willing-sex-partners/318683.md?page=4)