# For women and gay men: Is there a "penetrated" feeling? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2012, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322 "2012-08-22T23:32:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/1 "2012-08-22T23:32:18Z")
Is there a feeling about being penetrated (presumably with a willy, but perhaps with a sex toy in the case of lesbians) that is more than just the physical sensation; something mental that says “he’s inside me”? Do you feel dominated in a way? If so is there anything you can describe it as analagous to? Do you get the same feeling with anal/oral? Imagine some weird way in which another orificie is being used… seriously, imagine it - do you get the same sense? My discussions with straight women suggest to me that there indeed is something, but it isn’t by any means universal. Let’s hear what the internet says. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/2 "2012-08-22T23:44:39Z")
Since when are sex toys restricted to lesbians?! Open-minded straight men can answer this as well. I won’t be answering, of course, because I think the question is creepy. I have a personal policy not to provide material for a stranger’s whackoff warehouse, but hey! That’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/3 "2012-08-23T00:03:01Z")
I have no desire to be pounded in the poonany. And certainly not in the mouth or ass! For physical and mental reasons. One of them including, yes, a feeling of being dominated. I can be pleased in other ways, thank God I’m a lesbian. I however, like to do the penetrating. Feel free to whack off to that. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/4 "2012-08-23T00:04:20Z")
in the humblest of opinions, i’d imagine that since passing a massive dump feels pretty good in its own certain way, there are similar ways that being penetrated would feel good - whether by nature or by nurture. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/5 "2012-08-23T00:07:07Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Since when are sex toys restricted to lesbians?! Open-minded straight men can answer this as well. > > I won’t be answering, of course, because I think the question is creepy. I have a personal policy not to provide material for a stranger’s whackoff warehouse, but hey! That’s just me. I will not be in any way masturbating myself to the results here. I can see of course that it is a personal question for you, but please consider things rationally: I won’t be playing with myself just because the response you give me is intimate. Being a male kind of human, I am not sexually stimulated at all by words y’know 😃 I plan to use it to improve sexual technique but can’t see why that’s a problem? Basically what I’m saying is that while naturally any sexual question is somewhat purient, this is in good faith and I want answers for longer term info, not some kinda fantasy. I take your point about the sex toys. Call it an omission. Actually I had a slightly more inclusive OP earlier, not so much for the right-minded straight guys but the lesbians but truncated it for stylistic reasons. You are fair to criticse me there but too late. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/6 "2012-08-23T00:13:20Z")
There can be, if that’s an aspect that interests you. Just like there’s an extra something about being with a person rather than doing it yourself. And there’s an extra thrill if you are with someone you aren’t supposed to be. Anything novel about a scenario can add an extra dimension to the experience if you pay attention to it, or if you contrast it with it’s opposite. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/7 "2012-08-23T01:00:29Z")
You forgot “heterosexual men”. Many heterosexual men enjoy being penetrated too. They just keep it on the “down low”. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/8 "2012-08-23T01:15:07Z")
I have had sex with men and consider myself straight. I know this seems strange to some but I don’t care. I can tell you one thing. I learned more about women by having sex with another man than I ever though possible. Just stick something in your ass. You will get the answer you are looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/9 "2012-08-23T01:19:59Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > You forgot “heterosexual men”. Many heterosexual men enjoy being penetrated too. They just keep it on the “down low”. 😉 > [@fifty-six](#): > > I have had sex with men and consider myself straight. Well that didn’t take long, did it? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/10 "2012-08-23T01:20:14Z")
> [@fifty-six](#): > > Just stick something in your ass. You will get the answer you are looking for. That presumes that everyone has the same tastes. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/11 "2012-08-23T01:21:43Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > in the humblest of opinions, i’d imagine that since passing a massive dump feels pretty good in its own certain way, there are similar ways that being penetrated would feel good - whether by nature or by nurture. I work in healthcare and frequently with the elderly so there is a lot of BM talk. since I used to own cats who did this after using the litterbox, any time a patient mentions having had a successful toilet trip I ask if they want to do a victory lap. sometimes it’s good for a laugh.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/12 "2012-08-23T01:36:15Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > in the humblest of opinions, i’d imagine that since passing a massive dump feels pretty good in its own certain way, there are similar ways that being penetrated would feel good - whether by nature or by nurture. Well, not exactly… Passing something out feels very different than inserting something in. > [@fifty-six](#): > > . . . Just stick something in your ass. You will get the answer you are looking for. Essentially…yeah. > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That presumes that everyone has the same tastes. I’m willing to presume that most people have roughly the same physiological arrangements and sensations. Whether or not they enjoy it is a matter of taste, but what the actual feeling is, for at least the vast central core of the bell-curve distribution of individuals, will probably be pretty similar. (Without getting all the way down to “qualia” debates…) ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/13 "2012-08-23T01:42:21Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > I plan to use it to improve sexual technique but can’t see why that’s a problem? I think the primary problem is that it’s hard to see how on Earth this information is going to be used to “improve technique.” I mean, if you were asking if we liked it rough, and how rough, and what was a good way to test the waters for someone’s preferred roughness level, I can see how the information would be put to constructive use. That gives the discussion almost a clinical sort of feel. But the mental/emotional effects of penetration? The utility of the information isn’t readily apparent, and that gives off a definite “fill my spank bank” vibe. If you’re really all that interested in learning about the subject, I honestly suggest solo and partnered ass play. Then you can compare being pegged to putting something into your own ass, and see if there’s a psychological component and if you feel dominated. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/14 "2012-08-23T02:05:09Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That presumes that everyone has the same tastes. He never said “you’ll like it”. He said “you’ll find out” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/15 "2012-08-23T03:38:18Z")
Dominated? Uh, no. I’m the one with _your_ (generic you) body part inside my body. And it’s presumably valuable to you. If anything, I’m in control here. ---
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/16 "2012-08-23T03:42:00Z")
> [@fifty-six](#): > > I can tell you one thing. I learned more about women by having sex with another man than I ever though possible. I would love it if you’d be willing to elaborate on this. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/17 "2012-08-23T04:02:59Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Dominated? Uh, no. I’m the one with _your_ (generic you) body part inside my body. And it’s presumably valuable to you. If anything, I’m in control here. Nice. 😃 Ok, I’ll answer openly. Yep, there’s a feeling that happens when my husband gets me good during vaginal that does not occur during oral or during masturbation. Whatever it is, it’s more important than orgasm, 'cause right after an orgasm that’s ALL I want, is POUNDING SEX!! Nope, not exaggerating even a little. So, get your woman off, and THEN go to town on her! Of course, that could be just my own preference, which is why discussions like this rarely bear fruit in the bedroom. It’s just too personal to get answers off teh webs. By the way, there’s no ‘down low’ about a hetero guy liking to be pegged. It’s just a hetero guy liking to be pegged. No different than a woman liking it in the rear, except maybe there’s even more of a little ‘forbidden’ vibe about it for the guy, due to sexual mores or whatnot. But it’s not a down-low thing. Down-low is behaving one way and then acting like you don’t, such as being a closeted gay. Now, there may not be THAT many men who’ll admit to enjoying being pegged, but I wouldn’t equate it with denying a lifestyle for social purposes. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/18 "2012-08-23T04:09:48Z")
Domi-what? I get a feeling of having someone bigger than me very close and above me when there’s a guy on top of me… but I get that exact same feeling when an asshole gets too close in a narrow space, both with our clothing on, and it’s much more disagreeable when the guy is someone I don’t know, don’t want to fuck and who, as **Alice** pointed out, doesn’t have his “voolnerables” right at hand/inside me. And I fail to see since when is domination a physical thing, it’s completely a psychologhical one. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/19 "2012-08-23T05:05:56Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > By the way, there’s no ‘down low’ about a hetero guy liking to be pegged. It’s just a hetero guy liking to be pegged. No different than a woman liking it in the rear, except maybe there’s even more of a little ‘forbidden’ vibe about it for the guy, due to sexual mores or whatnot. But it’s not a down-low thing. Down-low is behaving one way and then acting like you don’t, such as being a closeted gay. Now, there may not be THAT many men who’ll admit to enjoying being pegged, but I wouldn’t equate it with denying a lifestyle for social purposes. ..wrong link.. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322/20 "2012-08-23T05:15:31Z")
Gay guy here checking in. Yes I’d say there is a distinctive “penetrated” feeling. It does have to do with feeling dominated for me, I suppose. Nice to not be in control and to give yourself up for someone 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-and-gay-men-is-there-a-penetrated-feeling/632322.md?page=2)