# For Women Only/Rape by Fraud **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 8, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082 "2010-09-08T18:12:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/21 "2010-09-08T23:10:21Z")
This is why I would not sleep with a man until I was friends with him for months on end. In fact, I would probably not sleep with him until marriage was at least understood between us. I was raised fundamentalist. This is as wild as I get. But as to the question, no, I would not feel raped. Rape is different. Yes, I’m still single. And glad of it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/22 "2010-09-08T23:50:46Z")
> [@otternell](#): > > I could see this scenario being called date rape, but I think we should change that phrase too. Don’t know what to change it to, but categorizing non-violent, non-brutal sexual assaults as rape, feels like it is diminishing the real repugnance of rape. IMHO, YMMV, etc. Er… which sexual assaults are non-violent, now? You mean the ones that don’t involve a knife or internal bleeding? To equate the situation in the OP (as vague as it is) with rape is patently ridiculous, but so is assuming every rape has to be ‘violent’ or ‘brutal’ to be classified as such. Just because a woman might be raped by a roommate, with no weapon, and her vagina might even lubricate on its own naturally, doesn’t mean the experience isn’t brutal or violent. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/23 "2010-09-09T00:01:24Z")
Is this a joke? Is there a story behind this thread? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/24 "2010-09-09T00:13:30Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Ladies. If a man told you he was going to make sweet love to you with his big 9 inch man meat, and then it turned out there was only 8 and a half inches of man meat, would you feel raped? Why or why not? > > If he makes you coffee with splenda, but he told you it was real sugar, and after you finished the whole mug, he winks and says, ‘gotcha, sucka. That was splenda’, would you feel raped? Why or why not? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/25 "2010-09-09T00:34:21Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > … is patently ridiculous, but so is assuming every rape has to be ‘violent’ or ‘brutal’ to be classified as such. Just because a woman might be raped by a roommate, with no weapon, and her vagina might even lubricate on its own naturally, doesn’t mean the experience isn’t brutal or violent. Could this be what they mean by circular logic ? As a man, Im somewhat surprised with such a onesided result. I did have in mind a non violent rape such as marital rape based on the simple no means no and the husband just keeps on going on a physically complacent wife. That is considered rape as I understand it. The point is if no consent, then it is rape. Or the case of a woman who is drunk and thus considered to be unable to give consent. Next day, reality becomes apparent and thus she is raped If a woman is deceived into giving consent to a situation that she normally wouldn’t have given consent to , then she hasn’t given consent has she? It wasn’t informed consent, it wasn’t consent, in fact it was misinformed consent. When reality becomes apparent she is …what? I suppose I should have first ascertained the women’s position on classifying sexual intercourse with a drunk woman as rape or not before bring up the subject of rape by deception which is in the law in a couple of states. Anyhow I may have started the only poll in history with a unanimous outcome 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/26 "2010-09-09T00:39:52Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > If a woman is deceived into giving consent to a situation that she normally wouldn’t have given consent to , then she hasn’t given consent has she? It wasn’t informed consent, it wasn’t consent, in fact it was misinformed consent. She still has given consent to have sex with this person. It is up to her to suss out his history and marital status. Buyer beware and all that. Deception as to the identity of the man (buddy swap-out at the last minute for example) is different. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/27 "2010-09-09T00:47:59Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > When I saw “rape by fraud” I thought it was going to be one of those “twin has sex with brother’s girlfriend” kind of scenarios. Me too. [This woman](http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-5372039-504083.html) was raped. I, as the woman in the OP, was betrayed. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/28 "2010-09-09T00:53:53Z")
What makes this ‘women only’? That makes no sense at all. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/29 "2010-09-09T02:24:12Z")
**Diogenes** , I had no idea you were gay. Have you told your wife ? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/30 "2010-09-09T02:39:10Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > What makes this ‘women only’? That makes no sense at all. I think it’s an open invitation to make a Men Only poll to ask if you’d consider yourself a rapist under the same circumstance. Or, **The Flying Dutchman** doesn’t give a fig about what men think of the rape status in that circumstance since presumably it’s harder for dudes to relate to how women would/should feel without coloring their opinion their own feelings. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/31 "2010-09-09T02:53:22Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Really? Then why did she say all that stuff about wanting to marry him until she knew he wasn’t Jewish? I don’t recall that. He did accept a plea bargain, either because he did rape her and gets off lightly, or because he is willing to be imprisoned for several years rather than face an Israeli court. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/32 "2010-09-09T03:01:08Z")
I have been raped (three times, actually). And I have had sex with several men whom I discovered later were married. They are far from the same thing. The rape incidents shattered and scarred me. Sex with the married men only annoyed and hurt by the deception – but was far from emotionally scarring. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/33 "2010-09-09T03:04:26Z")
Christ, I’m sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/34 "2010-09-09T03:13:02Z")
> [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](#): > > **Diogenes** , I had no idea you were gay. Have you told your wife ? I think you mean **Derleth** – **Dio** didn’t even post in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/35 "2010-09-09T03:20:49Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > If he makes you coffee with splenda, but he told you it was real sugar, and after you finished the whole mug, he winks and says, ‘gotcha, sucka. That was splenda’, would you feel raped? Why or why not? I’d smack him in the face with the coffee mug. I’m sure the jury would be on my side. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/36 "2010-09-09T03:21:24Z")
**Dio** voted in the poll, though. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/37 "2010-09-09T03:24:02Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > > > If he makes you coffee with splenda, but he told you it was real sugar, and after you finished the whole mug, he winks and says, ‘gotcha, sucka. That was splenda’, would you feel raped? Why or why not? > > I’d smack him in the face with the coffee mug. I’m sure the jury would be on my side. Damn right! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/38 "2010-09-09T03:24:39Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > > [@Derleth](#): > > > > What makes this ‘women only’? That makes no sense at all. > > I think it’s an open invitation to make a Men Only poll to ask if you’d consider yourself a rapist under the same circumstance. Uh, what? Do you think men can’t be raped, or do you just think they can’t be raped by woman? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/39 "2010-09-09T03:31:34Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > **Dio** voted in the poll, though. Right, and I wasn’t surprised by **Derleth’s** orientation. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082/40 "2010-09-09T03:32:01Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > My college paper once ran an article about practical jokes. In one of them, a man (a frat guy no doubt) proposed to his girlfriend, and then got a friend to pretend to be a priest, and a bunch of other friends to put on a simulated marriage ceremony. He didn’t tell her it was all make believe until some days later. > > The paper printed an apology in the next issue, after presumably being told exactly why a young man might want to play that “joke” on a young woman. Let’s assume the woman in question had strong beliefs about celibacy before marriage. Would that magnitude of a lie qualify as rape? Back in my college days, that kind of joke could have led to an actual shotgun wedding. Guess who the joke’s on then? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-women-only-rape-by-fraud/553082.md?page=3)