# Forget casks of Amontillado - Toilet Paper! That's the ticket! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 2, 2018, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451 "2018-05-02T03:20:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/1 "2018-05-02T03:20:26Z")
And in this week’s News from Canada: [Body found inside wall of washroom at Calgary shopping mall Gruesome discovery was made by a maintenance worker called to fix a toilet]([http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4641842](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4641842)) > [@](#): > > The Calgary Fire Department helped remove the body, and the provincial medical examiner was called to the scene. > > Police said there was nothing to immediately indicate whether the death was suspicious. > > “Despite the circumstances of where the body was located, investigators do not suspect foul play and the death remains classified as undetermined,” police said in a release. > > Poole said it’s possible someone crawling through a vent or duct fell from above and got stuck in the wall. > > “That would be the most logical at this point … that it was from above,” she said. > > “So that is obviously something they would be looking at is someone crawling through the ventilation system.” The police have not revealed if the body was wearing a jester’s hat with bells. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/2 "2018-05-02T12:04:01Z")
“For the love of God, Montresor! Don’t squeeze the Charmin!” ---
**Author:** ![74westy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/74westy/32/3950_2.png) [@74westy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/74westy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/3 "2018-05-02T13:34:44Z")
The body has been identified as the 1997 Alberta hide and seek champion. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/4 "2018-05-02T13:36:23Z")
[Morgan Freeman voice] Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards… that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile. Then he got stuck in the ladies’ can. [MFv] ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/5 "2018-05-02T13:39:09Z")
> [@74westy](#): > > The body has been identified as the 1997 Alberta hide and seek champion. No shit! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/6 "2018-05-02T13:41:28Z")
Nothing to add, just that threads like this are why I can never leave this place. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/7 "2018-05-02T14:01:19Z")
For some reason, I kept reading “body” as “boy.” ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/8 "2018-05-02T15:05:36Z")
Maybe they’ll find Big Foot while they are getting that guy out? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/9 "2018-05-02T16:09:21Z")
Stories like this make me glad I didn’t pursue a career in forensic pathology. Possibilities: genuine maintenance worker whose disappearance somehow wasn’t detected :dubious:, or a sicko intending to install a peephole and who got stuck instead? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/10 "2018-05-02T16:40:51Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Possibilities: genuine maintenance worker whose disappearance somehow wasn’t detected :dubious:, or a sicko intending to install a peephole and who got stuck instead? :eek: Maybe he successfully installed it. “He died doing what he loved - watching women pee.” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/11 "2018-05-02T18:08:45Z")
I’m not seeing any indication of how long the body had been there. A day? A week? A month? This is casting a horrible light on an old mystery. Decades ago I used to manage a large office complex in Washington DC.(L’Enfant Plaza). There was a ladies room off the hotel lobby that was always getting smell complaints. We kept upgrading the fans and adding deodorizers, we even pulled out the carpet and replaced it with tile. But I don’t think we ever checked behind the drywall. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/12 "2018-05-02T18:43:04Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Stories like this make me glad I didn’t pursue a career in forensic pathology. > > Possibilities: genuine maintenance worker whose disappearance somehow wasn’t detected :dubious:, or a sicko intending to install a peephole and who got stuck instead? :eek: Reminds me of a horrible story I read of a guy who was caught hiding inside the tank of sludge in a porta-potty, to spy on women. My guess though would be ‘attempt to break into mall after hours by crawling through air ducts to steal stuff gone horribly wrong’. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/13 "2018-05-02T18:53:09Z")
Malls are dying … and they’re taking [people](https://www.myajc.com/business/kempner-body-unnoticed-atlanta-mall-for-weeks-mall-long-fall/8DQJ5GxnReE79QyQMt1DRJ/) with them. I didn’t know they were so revenge driven. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/14 "2018-05-02T19:30:45Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > Malls are dying … and they’re taking [people](https://www.myajc.com/business/kempner-body-unnoticed-atlanta-mall-for-weeks-mall-long-fall/8DQJ5GxnReE79QyQMt1DRJ/) with them. I didn’t know they were so revenge driven. I’ll take it you haven’t seen the excellent documentary [Chopping Mall](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chopping_Mall). ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2018, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/15 "2018-05-02T19:58:03Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > “For the love of God, Montresor! Don’t squeeze the Charmin!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/16 "2018-05-03T12:53:48Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I’m not seeing any indication of how long the body had been there. A day? A week? A month? The most recent news reports say they think the dead guy climbed over the wall on Friday and died there, so just a few days before he was found. I’m on my phone so can’t cut and paste, but the news report says that there was a “pony wall” (new term to me) that appears not to have connected to the ceiling, so you can climb over it and get behind the wall without damaging the wall or the drop ceiling. All of which leads to the gaping “why???” question. The police say that their ability to comment is limited as there is no criminal investigation pending and privacy laws apply. > **[Man died accidentally after climbing behind women's washroom wall, Calgary...](https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4645550)** > > A man whose body was found inside a wall in a washroom in a Calgary mall seems to have died accidentally, police say. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/17 "2018-05-03T13:36:29Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > The police say that their ability to comment is limited as there is no criminal investigation pending and privacy laws apply. > > [http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4645550](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4645550) By his act of dying there, did he offer an indignity to his dead body? Criminal Code of Canada > [@](#): > > Dead body > 182 Every one who > > (a) neglects, without lawful excuse, to perform any duty that is imposed on him by law or that he undertakes with reference to the burial of a dead human body or human remains, or > > (b) improperly or indecently interferes with or offers any indignity to a dead human body or human remains, whether buried or not, > > is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding five years. > > R.S., c. C-34, s. 178. If he ended up convicted for that, or for violating an environmental law, or plain old trespass at night, I don’t think his body would be popular with his cell mates in prison. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/18 "2018-05-03T14:09:09Z")
You’re suggesting Alberta Prosecutions should convene a Cadaver Synod? :eek: > **[Cadaver Synod](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadaver_Synod)** > > The Cadaver Synod (also called the Cadaver Trial; Latin: Synodus Horrenda) is the name commonly given to the ecclesiastical trial of Pope Formosus, who had been dead for about seven months, in the Basilica of St. John Lateran in Rome during January 897. The trial was conducted by Pope Stephen VI, the successor to Formosus' successor, Pope Boniface VI. Stephen had Formosus' corpse exhumed and brought to the papal court for judgment. He accused Formosus of perjury, of having acceded to the papac ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/19 "2018-05-03T14:51:28Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > The most recent news reports say they think the dead guy climbed over the wall on Friday and died there, so just a few days before he was found. > > I’m on my phone so can’t cut and paste, but the news report says that there was a “pony wall” (new term to me) that appears not to have connected to the ceiling, so you can climb over it and get behind the wall without damaging the wall or the drop ceiling. > > All of which leads to the gaping “why???” question. The police say that their ability to comment is limited as there is no criminal investigation pending and privacy laws apply. > > [http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4645550](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4645550) Baseless speculation time! 😃 Given that the cops have ruled out foul play … my guesses are: 1. He’s a peeping tom. There have been cases of these types hiding inside the sludge at the bottom of porta-potties to get their kicks, so it isn’t impossible. 2. He’s a thief, who planned to hide there, wait until the mall closed, and then break into stores. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2018, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451/20 "2018-05-03T16:40:01Z")
So, the mall wasn’t open on the weekend? He must have suffered a fatal trauma (broken neck, crushed chest cavity) as I can’t see someone starving or dehydrating to death in 2 1/2 days. Wouldn’t you call out for help? Time to call Banacek. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forget-casks-of-amontillado-toilet-paper-thats-the-ticket/813451.md?page=2)