# Forgetting a female **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 14, 2010, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404 "2010-05-14T07:56:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/21 "2010-05-14T17:40:03Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > You’re an emo pussy. I’m feeling tougher already! 😉 > [@Munch](#): > > First - you gotta get off of OKC. It’s a great dating site, but you’ve got to get away from her. It’s too easy to become obsessed and start making bad decisions. Get on [LotsOfFish.com](http://LotsOfFish.com) or something else in the meantime. (Just be glad your ex isn’t incredibly active on the OKC forums like mine is…) I have a fair amount of self-control. If not I think I would have read her profile as soon as I saw her face next to an update. I immediately added her to my hide list. So at this point I’m as likely to decide to look her up on any other site as I am on OkCupid. I might try LotsOfFish anyway- always good to cast wide nets. I wasn’t even aware OkCupid _had_ a forum. What do they talk about? Dating? 😛 > [@Reply](#): > > Third - get out there. You already have, so you know you can do it. The worst is when your “despair” is so crippling you don’t think you can attract anyone else ever again. But you can - you’ve gotten laid a number of times since the breakup. Keep doing that! I’ll try! 😃 > [@Wheelz](#): > > For god’s sake, youre _20!_ > Just live your life. Trust me, somebody you spent a year with when you were a teenager will be a mere blip on your life’s radar in no time at all. Look at this way: I’ve only been an adult for two years. I knew her for six months before that. So nearly the entirety of my adult life has had her in it as my SO. That being said, I appreciate the sentiment and I’m carrying on. > [@Wheelz](#): > > Oh, and about “forgetting” her? You won’t, so stop trying. I’ve got my share of broken romances in my past, and I remember every single one. It’s just that they’re not that big a deal to me anymore. You’ll get there. You’re right, forgetting will be impossible. But I can try to create so many new memories that the ones I have with her seem inconsequential. I’m working on that. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/22 "2010-05-14T17:56:52Z")
Wait a minute. This woman gave up her kid to move in with you? No offense, but she doesn’t sound like a winner. Then again, I have no frame of reference. Anyway, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Perhaps you could take up a hobby/set a goal/something else to get your mind off her? Is there any way you could block her profile? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/23 "2010-05-14T18:01:09Z")
You won’t forget her. Sorry, but you won’t. You’re not supposed to. She was part of your life, and if you forgot her, you’d be less than what you are now. I know people talk about forgetting all about their former lives when they find “the one”, but it’s bull. You’ve had an experience that helped shape you. Don’t fucking puss out and forget about it. I’m very happily married, with a beautiful child. I wouldn’t go back and change things now, but still, there was this one woman who got away that haunts my dreams sometimes. It happens. Stop being a mopey retard and go live your life. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/24 "2010-05-14T18:05:34Z")
Jesus, I didn’t think I was being that mopey or retarded. 😛 I never mentioned my life grinding to a halt because of this or anything. Maybe you have me confused with other posters. And btw, I said emo and pussy! I never said you could call me a retard. 😉 And yes, **overlyverbose** , she left a child to live with me. At the time I took it as a testament to how much she loved me. Now I think she only used me to get away from her life (which she admitted to hating). ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/25 "2010-05-14T18:31:27Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I wasn’t even aware OkCupid _had_ a forum. What do they talk about? Dating? Well, the men seem to all spend their time flirting with the women and the women spend their time posting semi-nude pictures of themselves and talking about all the casual sex they have. I don’t have any doubts as to how internet anonymity can change people’s online personas, but it’s jarring to see it happening in real time. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/26 "2010-05-14T18:37:01Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Well, the men seem to all spend their time flirting with the women and the women spend their time posting semi-nude pictures of themselves and talking about all the casual sex they have. I don’t have any doubts as to how internet anonymity can change people’s online personas, but it’s jarring to see it happening in real time. Flirting on forums is part of my bag, but I don’t think it’d be efficient on a dating forum. Over-hunting has likely thinned the herd. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/27 "2010-05-14T18:43:58Z")
What hobbies do you have other than online games and posting on message boards? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/28 "2010-05-14T18:53:31Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Flirting on forums is part of my bag, but I don’t think it’d be efficient on a dating forum. Over-hunting has likely thinned the herd. Yeah - and it looks like a pretty small clique. So you’d be flirting with a handful of people scattered throughout the country. With your history, I’d stick with local flavor for now! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/29 "2010-05-14T18:55:52Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > What hobbies do you have other than online games and posting on message boards? I’m a gamer (360 games, D&D, Warhammer, etc), I’m a writer, I’m a reader, I’m a film buff and I have an interest in magic (my buddy- the one I lived with- and I are both magic buffs and we practice tricks quite regularly for one another). I’m basically a huge nerd. But I make nerd sexy. 🆒 I don’t have cool hobbies like kayaking or painting, though. If you want to get a feel with what I’m working with, you can check [here](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aclockworkmelon). For those who have already seen my OkCupid profile: I completely redid it last night. I think for the better. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/30 "2010-05-14T19:02:41Z")
You’re not a pussy. Getting your heart ripped out at least once is almost a prerequiste for becoming an adult. As trite as it sounds, you DO get over it (I mean really get over it, not just push it into the back of emotional closet until it randomly leaps out at you and stomps on your balls). You actually do get to a point where you truly don’t give a shit on any level anymore. The thing that helps the most is another relationship, but it should be a natural and healthy relationship, nothing forced. I think a significant part of what people miss when a relationship ends isn’t necessarily the person, _per se_ but the whole gestalt of BEING in a relationship. It’s like if you have a car that’s kind of a piece of shit, but it’s a car, and then it dies and you don’t have a car for a while and it totally blows. You miss your car, but it isn’t really so much that you miss THAT car, you just miss HAVING a car. Once you get another car, you never even think about the old POS car anymore. You’re only 20. I guarantee that within 5 years you’ll be able to walk right past this chick in a supermarket and not even notice or recognize her. If I have any advice at all, it’s not to be afraid of trying relationships again. That doesn’t mean you’ll be right the first time you try, but you’ll have your eyes open this time. Look more for friendship aspects in relationships than sexual aspects. The more you can enjoy just hanging out with a woman when you’re not having sex, the better the relationship is going to be. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/31 "2010-05-14T19:03:04Z")
Dude - my college roommate was into amateur magic. The guy can get women like no one’s business with that stuff. He has a fake thumb on his person at all times, and has coin tricks as backup. Simple, short, non-intrusive stuff can REALLY draw someone in. Don’t turn yourself into a sideshow, use it strictly as an icebreaker, and then later to impress her friends. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/32 "2010-05-14T19:06:24Z")
> [@the lone cashew](#): > > Seriously, The best way to get over a woman is finding another good woman for yourself. Locating a good woman can be a challenge, many are already taken so it’s a matter of being in the right place at the right time. A little luck helps, I wish you the best. And sometimes a good woman can be right under your nose, and you don’t even know it. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/33 "2010-05-14T19:07:17Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > And sometimes a good woman can be right under your nose, and you don’t even know it. If this is true in real life, you may have a cold. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/34 "2010-05-14T19:11:06Z")
Thanks, **Dio.** > [@Munch](#): > > Dude - my college roommate was into amateur magic. The guy can get women like no one’s business with that stuff. He has a fake thumb on his person at all times, and has coin tricks as backup. Simple, short, non-intrusive stuff can REALLY draw someone in. Don’t turn yourself into a sideshow, use it strictly as an icebreaker, and then later to impress her friends. I’ve used magic to impress girls, so definitely. My favorite is basically the simplest on the planet. Cut the deck and show her the bottom card of one of the halves while sneaking a peek at the bottom of the other. Pop up a few trick shuffles and then tell her that you’ll be able to recognize when you’ve reached her card by looking into her eyes. Breeze through the deck until you’ve reached the card you peeked at. Hers will be the next one. It basically gives me the excuse to stare into her eyes in a social situation. I know it sounds cheesy as I describe it, but the shit works. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/35 "2010-05-14T19:13:31Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Flirting on forums is part of my bag, but I don’t think it’d be efficient on a dating forum. Over-hunting has likely thinned the herd. This is a good point. Honestly, I’ve never met a girlfriend when I was “looking” for a girlfriend. I’ve had more luck just being involved with groups of good people and cultivating a good, general social network. Romance takes care of itself. How I met my current gf: Here I am, standing in church, waiting for a board member to help me count the offering. Extremely cute young lady (EASILY the most attractive woman in the room) walks up to me, arm extended, and says “Hi, I’m \*\*\*\*\*, and everyone says I need to meet you.” Three weeks later, she makes a Facebook post about her niece’s potty training. I reply that my niece had an interesting episode recently as well, and if she wanted to go to an art show/jazz concert with me, I’d tell her all about it. Within the week, we were living together. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/36 "2010-05-14T19:14:44Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Dude - my college roommate was into amateur magic. The guy can get women like no one’s business with that stuff. He has a fake thumb on his person at all times, and has coin tricks as backup. Simple, short, non-intrusive stuff can REALLY draw someone in. Don’t turn yourself into a sideshow, use it strictly as an icebreaker, and then later to impress her friends. I have a friend who does that too. Works great for her. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/37 "2010-05-14T19:19:44Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Three weeks later, she makes a Facebook post about her niece’s potty training. I reply that my niece had an interesting episode recently as well, and if she wanted to go to an art show/jazz concert with me, I’d tell her all about it. Within the week, we were living together. Moral of the story: Talk about poop more. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/38 "2010-05-14T19:21:03Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > It basically gives me the excuse to stare into her eyes in a social situation. I know it sounds cheesy as I describe it, but the shit works. Well, no shit. Because she knows just as well as you know that this is about an excuse to stare into her eyes. Cf, on some other thread, the “oh, let me look at those rings you’re wearing” bit. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/39 "2010-05-14T19:22:24Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Moral of the story: Talk about poop more. No, the moral of the story seems to be: Women that you meet in church are easy.😛 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404/40 "2010-05-14T19:23:49Z")
> [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > Well, no shit. Because she knows just as well as you know that this is about an excuse to stare into her eyes. Well, yeah. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forgetting-a-female/539404.md?page=3)