# Form a superhero team...of non-superheroes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 20, 2011, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827 "2011-12-20T06:33:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/1 "2011-12-20T06:33:00Z")
It’s been a little while since we’ve done one of these—since I’ve done one, at least—so I’m starting up a new challenge thread: form your own superhero team, for any contemporary or near-future Earth you choose (comics-based or not). The catch? The members have to be characters _not_ typically considered superheroes. (I should probably subcontract **Skald** to pep up the scenario outline—he’s great at that sort of thing.) As per the rules in earlier threads, any character who’s not completely villainous or completely dead will qualify. Special powers do _not_ disqualify a character. My tentative roster, so far? •James Bond’s [**Q**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_%28James_Bond%29) Snide gadget man, extraordinaire. •[**The Doctor**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_%28Doctor_Who%29) (Doctor Who) Yeah, I know, you could probably just pick him and fill out the entire team, done deal. But having him in a stuck-on-earth incarnation isn’t completely unprecedented, or is having him forced to work with a group. •[**Jack Valentine**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_of_war) (_Lord of War_) The dogged INTERPOL agent from the 2005 arms dealing movie. Chosen because of his dedication to justice, experience and connections with international law enforcement…and most importantly, I think he’s the finest example of a true blue superhero’s _mindset_ I’ve ever seen outside a comic book. (Note: That last part was not a compliment.) •[**Jake the Dog**](http://adventuretime.wikia.com/wiki/Jake) (_Adventure Time with Finn and Jake_) Weird as this might sound, I think Jake’s probably one of the finest depictions of a superpowered character I’ve ever seen. Think, basically, all the growth/shrinking powers of Hank Pym, combined with the demi-shapeshifting of Plastic Man. With a personality somewhere between…well, he’s either Bender on [mood elevators](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bq_GgmkPOk), or “The Dude” Lebowski on combat stimulants. Sure nice to see a shapeshifter who’s even more creative and free with their powers than the fanbase, as well as a goofy “comic relief” character who’s _not_ a completely unobservant, scatterbrained dolt. So…anyone else want to add in? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/2 "2011-12-20T06:55:50Z")
**Roland Deschain** - because the team’s going to need some firepower. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/3 "2011-12-20T07:29:39Z")
Al Gore, Stephen Hawking, Nichelle Nichols, Gary Gygax and Deep Blue. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/4 "2011-12-20T07:35:34Z")
It’s hard to beat Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentleman and his Les Hommes Mystérieux, so I’ll go with contemporary badasses and action heroes. William Munny John McClane John Rambo Dutch Jules Winnfield Popeye Doyle Leon Beatrice Kiddo Yu Shu Lien ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/5 "2011-12-20T08:12:48Z")
Harry Dresden of Jim Butcher’s Dresden series - for magic, pop culture references and one liners. Plus he’d probably consider being part of a superhero team a hoot. The Armourer of the Drood family from Simon Green’s Secret Histories novels; he’s basically a Q parody with better technology to work with. Plus a personal set of golden indestructible armor. The kind of guy who invents a gun that shoots black holes; “it took four of us to wrestle it away from him before he test fired it”. Corwin of Amber; somewhat superhuman, can casually walk to alternate universes, plotter and general badass. Plus he can just wander over to another universe and bring back an army that worships him as a god if they need more firepower. Or bags of diamonds if they need money. Probably the team leader, even if he doesn’t start out that way. Alicia De Vries, Tisiphone and Megaira (they come as a package) of _In Fury Born_. A moderately superhuman power armored elite special ops soldier, one of the Furies of ancient Greece (in immaterial form), and a sentient starship. Adds some heavy firepower and gives the team transport. As well, between Tisiphone and Megaira they have telepathy and super-hacking abilities. Sergeant Schlock of _Schlock Mercenary_; an amorphous blob who is extremely hard to kill and likes plasma guns. He’d love the Armourer’s toys. Sten of the _Sten_ series. He’ll be the intelligence/black ops expert for the team. No superhuman powers, but is very good at the sneaky & underhanded side of things. Plus he can just bring along some power armor from his home universe. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/6 "2011-12-20T08:37:43Z")
Using only characters from currently airing TV shows: _The Hero:_ Carrie Wells, from **Unforgettable.** Great detective, leadership skills, a past she must discover… _The mentor:_ Harold Finch, from\*\* Person of Interest.\*\* He knows when there’s a problem and leads the team from a distance. _The muscle_: Dexter Morgan, from **Dexter**. He will solve the bigger problems. Permanently. _The Rogue:_ Cullen Bohannon, from\*\* Hell on Wheels.\*\* Great shot, cool under pressure. Pretends not to care, but helps anyway… _The comedy relief:_ Sam Axe, AKA Bruce Campbell from **Burn Notice.** Charming drunk, deadly operative. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/7 "2011-12-20T11:31:11Z")
James Bond, Sherlock Holmes, Jack Bauer, Elminster, and The Doctor. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/8 "2011-12-20T12:28:31Z")
Jason Bourne, Artemis Gordon, Commander Shepard, Adam Jensen, and Sarah Connor. The team leader/computer is GLADOS. ---
**Author:** ![Teufelblitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@Teufelblitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teufelblitz)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/9 "2011-12-20T12:42:21Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Al Gore, Stephen Hawking, Nichelle Nichols, Gary Gygax and Deep Blue. They could be superheroes, why not? ICWUDT ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/10 "2011-12-20T13:33:56Z")
MacGyver Daniel Jackson (from Stargate) Charlie Eppes (from Numb3rs) Captain Carrot and Sam Vimes (from the Discworld novels) ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/11 "2011-12-20T13:46:17Z")
No semi-superhero team could be complete without [Simo Hayha](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simo_Hayha) ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/12 "2011-12-20T13:52:32Z")
**Jason Bourne** and **Leon** for the muscle, \*\*Dumbo \*\*to get them out of trouble, **Clarence Odbody** for any problems they can’t handle, **Cole Sear** for his unique investigative skills, **Alfred Borden** because an illusionist is bound to come in handy, and **Hannibal Lector** (“I love it when a plan comes together. Lets do lunch.”) to run the show. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/13 "2011-12-20T14:33:50Z")
Well, we need a Spider-Man type to take point, super-leaping around while evading gunfire as if precognitive and heaving cars to and fro as per the proportional strength of whatever. And we need a Doctor Strange type to teleport him there ahead of time and otherwise provide miscellaneous support – preferably bodyguarded by a Captain America type complete with useful government contacts – all of 'em preferably working alongside a comic-book polymath with (a) knowledge of tomorrow’s headlines and (b) the power to possess whoever would be in a key spot to make a difference. So that’s – Luke Skywalker, Gary Seven, Colonel Steve Austin, and Doctor Sam Beckett. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_In_Black)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/14 "2011-12-20T14:59:16Z")
With no real goal for the team, I guess I would pick Jason Bourne - Muscle, fighting ability, marksmanship and reasonably good at strategy James Bond (Daniel Craig’s version) - Muscle, fighting ability, marksmanship, ok with strategy, but Bourne is better I think Hit Girl - Fighting ability, marksmanship, some ability to strategize, stealth (who would think an 11 year old girl is going to be the one to kill them) ---
**Author:** ![Hogfather65](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/7bcc69/32.png) [@Hogfather65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hogfather65)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/15 "2011-12-20T15:16:30Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > MacGyver > Daniel Jackson (from Stargate) > Charlie Eppes (from Numb3rs) > Captain Carrot and Sam Vimes (from the Discworld novels) Yes as well as The Doctor Dont forget the muscle Jet Lee Samo Hung Jackie Chan ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/16 "2011-12-20T15:58:37Z")
You want an ultimate badass team? How about this line-up: Jack Burton, _Big Trouble in Little China_, muscle Snake Plissken, _Escape from New York_, muscle Col. Jonathan ‘Jack’ O’Neil, _Stargate_, muscle Wyatt Earp, _Tombstone_, muscle R.J. MacReady, _The Thing_, muscle. Dexter Riley, _The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes_, brains. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/17 "2011-12-20T16:09:11Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > You want an ultimate badass team? How about this line-up: > > Jack Burton, _Big Trouble in Little China_, muscle > Snake Plissken, _Escape from New York_, muscle > Col. Jonathan ‘Jack’ O’Neil, _Stargate_, muscle > Wyatt Earp, _Tombstone_, muscle > R.J. MacReady, _The Thing_, muscle. > Dexter Riley, _The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes_, brains. Kurt Russel, _Doing Goldie Hawn_ priceless. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/18 "2011-12-20T17:08:17Z")
**Captain James Tiberius Kirk** for team leader! Rip his shirt, & he’ll kick your @ss! ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/19 "2011-12-20T18:09:31Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > MacGyver > Daniel Jackson (from Stargate) > Charlie Eppes (from Numb3rs) > Captain Carrot and Sam Vimes (from the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett) After thinking it over, I’d like to also include: Miles and Mark Vorkosigan (from the novels by Lois McMaster Bujold) Benton Fraser (from Due South) Sarah Walker, Chuck Bartowski, and John Casey (from Chuck) Adrian Monk and Natalie Teeger (from Monk) Dr. Hank Lawton (from Royal Pains) Neal Caffrey (from White Collar) ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827/20 "2011-12-20T18:12:42Z")
> [@Hogfather65](#): > > Dont forget the muscle > Jet Lee > Samo Hung > Jackie Chan I didn’t forget the muscle. Captain Carrot once shoved a sword into a pillar, and Sam (“That Is Not My Cow!”) isn’t somebody you want to mess with, either. However, a little more isn’t a bad idea. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/form-a-superhero-team-of-non-superheroes/606827.md?page=2)