# Fortune cookies you'd like to see **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 30, 2002, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265 "2002-09-30T15:59:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/21 "2002-10-01T21:35:09Z")
Yay! My first double post! (I swear, I just hit the button once). ---
**Author:** ![rostfrei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@rostfrei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rostfrei)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/22 "2002-10-02T01:40:17Z")
Confucious say: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/23 "2002-10-02T05:54:27Z")
“You will die alone and afraid, knowing not a single human being ever loved you. Lucky numbers 3, 18, 80” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/24 "2002-10-02T07:40:29Z")
‘If you don’t like this fortune, then stick it up your ass’ I got this one Saturday night. Really. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/25 "2002-10-02T12:02:19Z")
Pretty much anything that appears in The Onion’s horoscopes. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/26 "2002-10-02T14:56:34Z")
\*\*Your waiter is sneaking up behind you with a cleaver Inspected by #23 Silica Gel – Do Not Eat Help! I’m a prisoner in a Bad Joke Factory! This Cookie has been impregnated with a poison. For the antidote, call 1-800-ANTIDOTE. Have your credit card ready. …is a Mobeius fortune. This is a Mobeius fortune. This is… Your Weight: 176 Your Fortune: You will be eating more salads. See Star Wars III! This is a Good Luck message from the next table! Pass it on! Don’t break the chain! Did you find the service satisfactory? Yes\_\_\_ No\_\_\_ Were you served promptly? Yes\_\_\_ No\_\_\_ Continued on next Cookie. ---
**Author:** ![Erika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/47e85d/32.png) [@Erika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erika)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/27 "2002-10-02T17:21:42Z")
[hijack] reading this thread becomes much more difficult when your brain automatically attaches “in bed” to the end of any fortune cookie fortune. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/28 "2002-10-03T02:26:47Z")
Go to bed with itchy bottom, wake up with smelly finger. The pair of BVD’s you found at your girlfriend’s do not belong to you. Pigeon, seagull and crow all taste like chicken. You were adopted. ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/29 "2002-10-03T03:25:10Z")
Your fortune will not come back, so forget stocks and start stuffing money in the mattress. You will have Italian tomorrow. Fortune? You’re lucky you got a COOKIE! ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/30 "2002-10-03T14:26:55Z")
that _wasn’t_ a wrong number if you can read this, I am under your table you will be elected President in 2004 ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/31 "2002-10-03T14:48:52Z")
My office-mates and I go to Chinese once a week for lunch. I am secretly hunting for a new job, and my last three fortunes are: Don’t wait to long Your efforts will be rewarded A new challenge will present itself soon ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2002, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/32 "2002-10-03T18:04:58Z")
Your poo tomorrow morning will contain a very valuable diamond. If not tomorrow, then the next day. If not a diamond, then a piece of gold shaped like a tooth. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2002, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/33 "2002-10-04T01:54:41Z")
[Simpsons] Geese Can Be Troublesome. Your Store is Being Robbed, Apu. [/Simpsons] ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2002, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/34 "2002-10-04T02:18:05Z")
Heh… one my SO got, while I was sitting next to him: “Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.” Here’s ones I’d like to see: “We predict the Brewers will win 13 games this season.” (I may have gotten the # of games wrong, but bonus points to anyone who knows what I’m making reference to.) “Your credit card will be rejected.” “Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.” “Screw up your life, you’ve screwed everything else up.” “Screw up your courage, you’ve screwed everything else up.” “Xerox does it again and again and again and…” “Don’t hate yourself in the morning–sleep till noon.” * * * \<\< Computer programmers know how to use their hardware. \>\> ---
**Author:** ![23skidoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f04885/32.png) [@23skidoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/23skidoo)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/35 "2002-10-04T03:22:42Z")
No fortune, just a folded up ten dollar bill. Hell, as long as I’m dreaming, a hundred dollar bill. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2002, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/36 "2002-10-04T06:31:49Z")
You are wise and perceptive. Gullible too. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2002, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265/37 "2002-10-04T23:16:15Z")
My fav: " You now have the Hong Kong Flu" [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies-youd-like-to-see/130265.md?page=1)