# Fortune Cookies **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 18, 2000, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies/16123 "2000-04-18T18:27:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies/16123/1 "2000-04-18T18:27:00Z")
Just got back from lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant. Received the cheesiest fortune to date. “Courage & optimism are your best traits.” Well, of course! Who doesn’t this apply to? Didn’t even get any lucky numbers. I’m sure I’ve seen a list floating around of really _bad_ fortune cookie fortunes, but I’m sure this list can do better. What say you? * * * Sala, can’t you count?!? I said NO camels! That’s FIVE camels! ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies/16123/2 "2000-04-18T18:37:00Z")
…in bed. * * * Yer pal, Satan [http://www.raleighmusic.com/board/Images/devil.gif](http://www.raleighmusic.com/board/Images/devil.gif) _I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR: One week, two days, 16 hours, 37 minutes and 39 seconds. 387 cigarettes not smoked, saving $48.46. Life saved: 1 day, 8 hours, 15 minutes._ ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies/16123/3 "2000-04-18T20:19:00Z")
No, my favorite was when we went to a Chinese restaurant on the inner harbor in Baltimore. The guy we went with knew the owner, and when the cookies came out, he sent them back with instructions to send out the _other_ ones. When I opened mine upon the waiter’s return, it said, simply, “Fuck you.” Best fortune I ever got. 😃 Esprix * * * ## [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) (or, if you prefer the Jesusfied version, [Asketh the damn Priest Guy!](http://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html)) ## “Never assume a malicious intent when stupidity will explain just as well.” {This space reserved for a Genuine WallyM7 Sig™} ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies/16123/4 "2000-04-18T22:50:00Z")
The weirdest fortune I ever got was “The secret to success in life is to eat what you want and let the food fight it out inside you” 😕 * * * I do not merely dance. I bewitch. I seduce. I enchant and I bewilder. Throw money. (Gee, Wally must have seen me dance!) ---
**Author:** ![El\_Smasho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f9ae1b/32.png) [@El\_Smasho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Smasho)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fortune-cookies/16123/5 "2000-04-19T04:01:00Z")
The best fortune I ever got was pretty simple: “Any rough times are now behind you.” I saved it. I’ve had it in my wallet since July 9th, 1998. At the time, I was in college, had a job as the art director of a classical singing magazine, and was making pretty good bucks. Now, I’m the art director of yet another singing magazine, in New Jersey, and making even more good bucks. The best part is, because of the fortune cookie fortune, it’s smooth sailing from here, baby! * * * Hey, if it ain’t broke, give ME a shot at it.