# Forward, March (minirants) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 1, 2017, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131 "2017-03-01T20:24:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2017, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/41 "2017-03-08T23:56:44Z")
As I get older my eyebrows piss me off. I’m gonna need tiny rubber bands to fashion my new eyebrow ponytails. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/42 "2017-03-09T02:03:40Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > As I get older my eyebrows piss me off. I’m gonna need tiny rubber bands to fashion my new eyebrow ponytails. I tell my daughter I’m going to be [Biff](http://thebookofbiff.com/) for Halloween when she starts threatening mine. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/43 "2017-03-09T03:18:59Z")
It’s been a mild winter, which is not a bad thing, exactly. but I’m getting really tired of the wildly fluctuating temperatures of “early” spring. Today it was forty-ish when I went to work (at 4:30 am), the air didn’t feel cold, but there was _frost_ on my windshield I had to remove before I could drive safely. By the time I left work, I was comfy in just a fleece jacket (and t-shirt. Turtleneck had been removed. turtleneck was worn most of work day, not so much on the fleece jacket). When I went out this evening, it was sixty-ish. Rumor has it there might be snow or ice this weekend, but I’ll believe it when I see it. ---
**Author:** ![BigAppleBucky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigapplebucky/32/178_2.png) [@BigAppleBucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigAppleBucky)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/44 "2017-03-09T03:21:18Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > MY GOD! THE SNOT NEVER STOPS!!! > > Damn virus!!! This is how our species will end. Wheezing and hacking and dripping and sneezing…until we all throw ourselves off tall building searching for the sweet release of death. I’ve had a flu shot every year for at least the last ten. But I’ve been suffering from very flu-like symptoms for five days now. I ache all over, I can’t stop sneezing, sore throat, my eyes burn, and my chest hurts when I sneeze or blow my nose. I’m alternately too hot or too cold and my nose has a burning sensation inside. Flu shot certainly didn’t prevent this one. And worst yet, I gave it to my wife who is about two days behind me. And, no, misery does not like company in this case. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/45 "2017-03-09T05:53:32Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > As I get older my eyebrows piss me off. I’m gonna need tiny rubber bands to fashion my new eyebrow ponytails. Someone in a bar 30 years ago told me that bushy eyebrows make a guy look older, so ever since then I have been trimming them. I have a small clipper with a 1/8" comb, zip zip and I’m done in a few seconds. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/46 "2017-03-09T08:00:30Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > To the Human Ecological Disaster in the next stall: > **Courtesy Flush!** I’ve never understood this one. If the poop is underwater, what good is a flush going to do you? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/47 "2017-03-09T08:20:08Z")
High fat-content poop floats; high water-content poop mixes with the water in the bowl. Getting it delivered to the sewage system ASAP really can reduce the amount of suffering people in other stalls have to endure. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/48 "2017-03-09T11:11:47Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Someone in a bar 30 years ago told me that bushy eyebrows make a guy look older, so ever since then I have been trimming them. I have a small clipper with a 1/8" comb, zip zip and I’m done in a few seconds. My husband has his trimmed whenever he gets a haircut. What’s left of his hair is curly, and it becomes an unruly mess if he lets it grow for too long. His eyebrows are curly, too, so it’s nearly impossible for him to trim them himself. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/49 "2017-03-09T16:38:42Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > High fat-content poop floats; high water-content poop mixes with the water in the bowl. Getting it delivered to the sewage system ASAP really can reduce the amount of suffering people in other stalls have to endure. This. Also, the flush will entrain some of the gas mixture in the bowl. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/50 "2017-03-09T18:18:46Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > This. > > Also, the flush will entrain some of the gas mixture in the bowl. And the next person is less likely to have to see your shit stains in the bowl if you don’t leave the shit sitting on it, even underwater. It only takes two seconds and there’s no good reason not to. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/51 "2017-03-09T19:47:25Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > As I get older my eyebrows piss me off. I’m gonna need tiny rubber bands to fashion my new eyebrow ponytails. I’m so jealous. I’d kill to have eyebrows. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/52 "2017-03-09T20:35:11Z")
> [@pohjonen](#): > > I’m going to the doctor (because my prescriptions have all run out) and I’m already dreading the blood pressure screening. I don’t know when they changed methods so that now it always turns my hand blue and brings tears to my eyes, but don’t just apologize and then wonder why my blood pressure is always high at the doctor’s office. If you jam some rusty screws under my fingernails, I bet we can get it even higher. Fuckers. Huh. My blood pressure is usually low, but at my last appointment the PA used an automated BP reader and got some numbers were \*really \*low. When the doctor came in, he re-did the BP check manually (sphygmomanometer and stethoscope), got a more believable number, and bitched about how those automated BP devices routinely report incorrectly low numbers. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/53 "2017-03-09T20:50:58Z")
**pohjonen** , can you ask them to do a manual blood pressure reading? ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/54 "2017-03-09T23:16:03Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > High fat-content poop floats; high water-content poop mixes with the water in the bowl. Getting it delivered to the sewage system ASAP really can reduce the amount of suffering people in other stalls have to endure. Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever produced a “floater”, but don’t really want to flush while having diarrhea since that would splash it back up on my bare bum! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/55 "2017-03-09T23:36:00Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Huh. I don’t think I’ve ever produced a “floater”, but don’t really want to flush while having diarrhea since that would splash it back up on my bare bum! Trust me - the explosively erruptive events destroying the stall in question were producing _plenty_ of splashback. Theres NO WAY it could be otherwise. It sounded like a cross between an active mud-pot\* and firehose. Only worse. MUCH worse. _AND_ he was yakking on the phone during the horrific event. \*(See GQ for current discussions on those) ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/56 "2017-03-10T00:04:04Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#): > > Trust me - the explosively erruptive events destroying the stall in question were producing _plenty_ of splashback. Theres NO WAY it could be otherwise. It sounded like a cross between an active mud-pot\* and firehose. Only worse. MUCH worse. _AND_ he was yakking on the phone during the horrific event. > \*(See GQ for current discussions on those) That kinda sounds like a flush wouldn’t do much good! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/57 "2017-03-10T00:52:23Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > That kinda sounds like a flush wouldn’t do much good! 😃 Better than nothing. At the very least, it would show some awareness of others and a bit of basic courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/58 "2017-03-10T01:02:52Z")
I can’t believe I just read through all that while eating lunch at work. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/59 "2017-03-10T13:05:49Z")
If you’re going to watch a play, and you’re so sick that you loudly snort/hack/cough/almost dry-heave through the whole performance, maybe that’s a sign you should’ve stayed home. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131/60 "2017-03-10T15:51:19Z")
Go home, Mother Nature. You’re drunk. (comfortable shirt-sleeve weather yesterday evening, sleet shifting to hard snow this morning) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/forward-march-minirants/781131.md?page=4)