# Foster parent baby shower? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 27, 2012, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534 "2012-07-27T05:04:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/21 "2012-07-27T16:36:45Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > My kids came out of the foster system. I assure you that they wanted for nothing in the foster home. > > Most children who go into foster care are not babies. All they really need are some clothes and a toothbrush to start out. > > The Children’s Aid Society will help them get set up. And will provide respite care for if the foster parents need a break. And counselling if that is required. > > The idea of a shower is bizarre. I suspect that things in Ontario are different than in all areas of the US. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/22 "2012-07-27T16:47:47Z")
It could be a gift grab or it could be her wanting an experience that she feels she has missed out on and now she finally has a chance at being a mom. Unless she has a habit of trying to steal the limelight, I would go along with it and make her happy. ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/23 "2012-07-27T19:08:59Z")
I would definitely go to that and be super excited for the new foster mom. It is a gift grab, but it’s also a celebration. Baby showers I’ve been to are really as much about the attention and the stupid games and squealing over darling baby things and so forth as they are about the physical gifts. See if you can find out what they know about the kids they’ll be getting. If it’s a foster-to-adopt deal, it won’t be a matter of getting just about anything and being able to use it eventually for some kid. If they know they’ll be taking only babies and toddlers, you’ll have some direction there. If it’s just going to be all over the map… get her a soccer ball or a set of Dr. Seuss books (or Winnie the Pooh or Peter Pan or whatever) or some Disney movies. I see where it seems kind of tagged on compared to the other cousin’s pregnancy, but that shouldn’t take away from it. I think a foster shower is a great idea. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/24 "2012-07-27T20:57:53Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Whoops, that should read "Foster parent **baby** shower. Mods, could you change it? I changed the thread title to read baby shower. — Ellen ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/25 "2012-07-27T22:02:28Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > All showers are a gift grab. The argument could be made that anyone mature enough to bring a child into the world ought to have the resources to properly care for that child without expecting handouts. A charitable attitude and contribution towards homeless, unwanted, or neglected kids seems more appropriate than a greedy gift grab for a planned family. There, argument for bucking tradition made. I’ll third or 4th this. I love baby showers and buying wee tiny clothing but I think I would be even more excited about a shower like this. It’s not just about the gifts either, if it’s an older child what better way to show there is a whole family/community excited about their arrival. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/26 "2012-07-27T22:06:09Z")
While there’s a certain amount of validity to the “any shower is a gift-grab” mindset, I do think that showers are also about saying “We care about you” to the person being honored. And I have to admit, I kind of enjoying making/giving baby things–most recently I knit two pair baby socks, and a baby bib for an alto in the church choir. Minimal cost in both dollars and time–which also was true of the shower itself. I certainly support the giving both of things --including gift cards-- to make the new parent’s life easier regardless of how the new child is acquired, and also the holding of a party for the new parent so that they can introduce the new child to the family and be supported in the choice of pursuing parenthood. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/27 "2012-07-27T22:17:04Z")
I don’t understand why people get all bothered about stuff like this. If you don’t wanna go, don’t go. I feel like the only people who would have a problem with this are the people who really see these events as _nothing more_ than an opportunity to receive gifts. It’s a ritual, a celebration, a positive thing. Gifts are the means of expression, but at its base it’s about family. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/28 "2012-07-27T22:24:02Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Honestly I think you sound a little insensitive. She’s having a kid. Doesn’t matter how. It’s a thing to celebrate. This, squared. I’m certainly biased b/c I’m a wannabe mom who will never get to experience \*\*any \*\*of the mom things due to life’s true suckage, and no, I’ve never heard of a Foster Baby Shower. What I have heard of is a celebration we threw for our friends who fostered-to-adopt 3 siblings. We called it a shower, we found out what they needed 1-2 more of and helped them. They deserved it. Incubus, you can either participate or not but yes, I feel a new family deserves a celebration and they can call their happy occasion a ‘Fish Sandwich for Tom Selleck Shower’ if they want. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/29 "2012-07-27T22:27:34Z")
Isn’t a foster parent sort of a system of temporary custody for a child? Or do they adopt the child eventually? That would suck if they bonded and had to separate them. I’m all for giving kids in need whatever they need regardless of who they live with. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/30 "2012-07-28T00:29:53Z")
I think there’s nothing wrong with the shower idea. There is going to be a new member of the family who should be introduced and welcomed. That’s what showers are for. Also, lots of foster placements wind up perminant. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/31 "2012-07-28T00:52:18Z")
With all the :dubious: over the idea of the foster kid shower… really, all I can think of is imagining this poor kid overhearing some “friend” of mom’s saying “But it’s not like he’s your REAL kid!” I think foster kids have had it hard enough. Let the family celebrate this kid’s existence and inclusion in their family as a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/32 "2012-07-28T02:59:42Z")
So, I am obviously the only one slightly appalled the shower is being thrown by a relative? I wouldn’t give a gift card; showers aren’t about a serious effort to defray the cost of raising a child, they are about giving a tangible token of your joy in the child’s arrival. (Of course, there’s nothing wrong with including a gift receipt.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/33 "2012-07-28T05:19:53Z")
I never want to have a kid and personally hate showers but I’d go to \*this \*shower with a big smile on my face, and bring whatever I could. The woman is trying to make the best of a heartache, and is trying to get some joy out of being a parent. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/34 "2012-07-28T11:57:32Z")
My sister takes in foster kids and, so far, she’s had four different baby boys. Three were just days or weeks old but one was four months old at the time of placement. Sister is very impulsive and wants to adopt all of them but the goal is reunification and two, so far, have gone back. She has only ever gotten no more than two days notice and a number of false alarms, including one where she was all set to take a six month old girl with twelve hours notice. She tells me this is typical. Now, honestly, how are you going to have a shower for a situation like this? Luckily, in her case, she has a five year old boy and had tried for like four years to have another one so she saved all his stuff. It’s a tough situation, but not well-served by a shower, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/35 "2012-07-28T13:48:51Z")
Incubus, if you plan to attend the shower, ask the age range of the children, and we can list some useful items that aren’t size or gender limited. Tear-proof shampoo, burp cloths or cloth diapers, infant gym, crib soother, crayons and coloring books for toddlers, etc ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/36 "2012-07-28T14:40:02Z")
> [@j666](#): > > So, I am obviously the only one slightly appalled the shower is being thrown by a relative? What? Why? ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/37 "2012-07-28T14:45:15Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > What? Why? Because we live in the Victorian era, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/38 "2012-07-28T14:54:37Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > What? Why? Showers are supposed to be held by friends rather than family. I disagree, esp for baby showers. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/39 "2012-07-28T16:15:03Z")
I think it’s odd that they are holding a baby shower for a foster situation. As said, this child may only be with her for days or weeks. That said, she may feel this is her only chance to have a shower and would like to have the experience. I would ask what is needed and participate. I hear of adoptive children (from foster to adopt programs) showers, once it’s all finalized, but not a new foster child shower. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534/40 "2012-07-28T18:30:35Z")
**EmAnJ** , I figured you’d be _more_ supportive of the OP’s cousin. Or does she not get a shower because it’s not an adoption or a situation where she can shell out tens of thousands more to buy a kid? Many foster babies don’t come with much. It takes quite a bit to raise a child, even if it’s just ‘babysitting’ for awhile. They’ll need things…and what the OP’s cousin is doing is pretty wonderful. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/foster-parent-baby-shower/629534.md?page=3)