# Found my brother-in-law's diary in my wife's underwear drawer
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 12, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179 "2010-05-12T15:40:38Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@sj15010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj15010)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/1 "2010-05-12T15:40:38Z")
I was doing laundry while my wife is out of town, and in putting away the family’s clothes I found my brother-in-law’s personal journal in my wife’s underwear drawer. (The journal’s size and color made it stand out in an otherwise tiny drawer. I was curious because it was not present the last time I did laundry. I read only enough to determine the owner.)
I’m trying to come up with a rational explanation for how my wife would have gained possession of this diary, and, in the event it was an “accident,” why it was not returned immediately. I have not yet asked my wife, and am trying to determine whether I should.
Some background: Our marriage is not well, nor is my sister’s (to whom the BIL is married). A key event in both marriages occurred a few years ago, when my sister saw my wife text an “I miss you” message to my BIL, and he respond “I miss you too.”
My wife said it was an innocent mistake and that she intended to text me. My BIL admitted to being attracted to my wife and “chasing” her.
I defended my wife to my sister and I accepted my wife’s version of the events. My sister did not, and accused my wife and BIL of an affair. While it was an ugly couple of months, no evidence of an affair was ever found, and we all eventually reached a point where we could stay together as couples and as a group. My wife, however, claimed that I did not get sufficiently mad at my sister for this accusation, and has remained bitter over that.
I assume it’s possible both of these events are chance coincidence, but if so, I’m trying to come up with an explanation for how another man’s diary ends up in my wife’s underwear drawer. Any advice is appreciated.
---
### Author:  [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/2 "2010-05-12T15:43:38Z")
Not reading the diary shows far more restraint than I think I ever could in your situation.
Had your wife ever texted you an “I miss you” message before?
---
### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/3 "2010-05-12T15:53:54Z")
That is absurdly suspicious.
I personally would speculate that she’s concealing it on behalf of BiL, or she stole it from him. Neither of which is particularly comforting. And the reason for either scenario is concealed within the pages.
Personally I wouldn’t be able to NOT read it.
---
### Author:  [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/4 "2010-05-12T15:54:54Z")
Well, do you need the proverbial brick $hithouse to fall on your head?.. because it just did.
---
### Author:  [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/5 "2010-05-12T15:56:03Z")
I wouldn’t read it however tempting. I would probably see an attorney.
---
### Author:  [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/6 "2010-05-12T15:56:22Z")
Rip that bandaid off. Ask everyone about the diary, wife, sister and BIL.
Consider why your wife wanted you to find the diary. Yes, she may well have known you’d find it.
---
### Author:  [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/7 "2010-05-12T15:56:47Z")
Did you join SDMB with the sole purpose of sharing your underwear drawer dilemma?
---
### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/8 "2010-05-12T16:00:41Z")
> [@sj15010](#):
>
> Some background: Our marriage is not well
Baring some sorta weird explanation (like maybe she saw his journal’s cool leatherette cover and just had to buy you one, so she borrowed the book… ) I’m predicting more of the same.
---
### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/9 "2010-05-12T16:06:24Z")
See, this is what pisses me off. If it turns out she was having an affair, that means she got pissed at you for not defending her enough despite having been guilty. I hate people.
---
### Author:  [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/10 "2010-05-12T16:06:36Z")
There is no reason that she should have your BIL’s diary. I want to hear what type of elaborate tale she tries to weave as an excuse.
---
### Author:  [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/11 "2010-05-12T16:25:14Z")
Before you expose I think you need to do some hardcore snooping. If they are having an affair they will lie, lie, lie about it. You’ll never get a straight answer from them.
Look at phone records, credit card statements, bank statements, etc. Is her computer at home? Look through email records, including the sent and deleted folders. How well can you account for her time? Where is your wife now? Is the BIL also out of town?
Read the diary. A lot of the answers you need will probably be in there.
There’s a 99% chance she’s been having an affair for some time. You need to find out as much truth about this before you let on. If you go to her now and ask, she’ll give you some flimsy excuse and take the affair farther underground.
---
### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/12 "2010-05-12T16:25:40Z")
> [@sj15010](#):
>
> we all eventually reached a point where we could stay together as couples and as a group.
Wait. . .you’re banging your sister?:eek:
---
### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/13 "2010-05-12T16:25:54Z")
Not making judgements or assumptions either way but if you regularly do the laundry and she knows you’re going to be in her drawer why would she choose that as a place to hide an incriminating piece of evidence like an accused lover’s diary?
I’m not saying it doesn’t mean anything, it just doesn’t make sense… unless she’s trying to get caught? Weird.
---
### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/14 "2010-05-12T16:28:26Z")
> [@lieu](#):
>
> Not making judgements or assumptions either way but if you regularly do the laundry and she knows you’re going to be in her drawer why would she choose that as a place to hide an incriminating piece of evidence like an accused lover’s diary?
>
> I’m not saying it doesn’t mean anything, it just doesn’t make sense… unless she’s trying to get caught? Weird.
Unless he doesn’t normally do her laundry.
Speaking of which, I don’t know why she’d have dirty launder in her underwear drawer. Maybe the OP was snooping to begin with.
---
### Author:  [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/15 "2010-05-12T16:31:56Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> Unless he doesn’t normally do her laundry.
>
> Speaking of which, I don’t know why she’d have dirty launder in her underwear drawer. Maybe the OP was snooping to begin with.
I assumed he was putting clean laundry away.
---
### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/16 "2010-05-12T16:32:32Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> Speaking of which, I don’t know why she’d have dirty launder in her underwear drawer. Maybe the OP was snooping to begin with.
He was putting away her clean clothes. It’s in the OP.
---
### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/17 "2010-05-12T16:37:13Z")
Oh, oops.
As you were.
---
### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/18 "2010-05-12T16:41:08Z")
It looks like she **does** have “dirty laundry” in her underwear drawer, however.
(Side note: I’m kind of surprised that people still keep paper diaries. Maybe if you don’t have a home computer, or your computer isn’t secure and it’s a family-used unit, that’s your best option if you’re not tech-savvy.)
---
### Author:  [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/19 "2010-05-12T16:41:29Z")
Read the diary. It’s not her property, so you are not doing anything “wrong” by reading it. Well, unless you think your BIL’s privacy should trump everything else. Personally, I would not give a toss for my BIL’s privacy if I found his diary in my wife’s underwear drawer. The diary is not in it’s proper place. It does not belong in your home. You are entitled to look at it.
The fact that there is a previous reason to be suspicious would just make me read it all the more.
As others have said, the diary will probably contain the answers you seek, and your wife likely left it there for you to find.
And yes… Is your BIL also out of town at this time? If so, they are currently making hot monkey love in a hotel.
---
### Author:  [@sj15010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj15010)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/20 "2010-05-12T16:44:09Z")
> [@lieu](#):
>
> Not making judgements or assumptions either way but if you regularly do the laundry and she knows you’re going to be in her drawer why would she choose that as a place to hide an incriminating piece of evidence like an accused lover’s diary?
>
> I’m not saying it doesn’t mean anything, it just doesn’t make sense… unless she’s trying to get caught? Weird.
I do the laundry often enough. I don’t normally put her clothes away, but she’s gone long enough on this trip that I didn’t want to see a stack of clothes sitting out for days on end.
> [@](#):
>
> I don’t know why she’d have dirty launder in her underwear drawer.
This is “dirty laundry” as a metaphor, I believe.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179.md?page=2)