# Found my brother-in-law's diary in my wife's underwear drawer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179 "2010-05-12T15:40:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/81 "2010-05-13T06:57:54Z")
Here is my evil plan. Buy another identical diary. Replace the one in the drawer with the fake. Your wife has already read it and won’t look at it again soon. Invite sister and BIL over for dinner. Put the real diary on a bookshelf in the living room. Make sure he sees it during the course of the evening. Watch them squirm. ---
**Author:** ![kidneyfailure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9f8e36/32.png) [@kidneyfailure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidneyfailure)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/82 "2010-05-13T08:36:46Z")
> [@Creole\_Tomato](#): > > And what kind of man keeps a diary of his life ponderings? Many men keep diaries. I (a man) have several, both online and IRL. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/83 "2010-05-13T11:29:53Z")
> [@sj15010](#): > > I’ve read the diary. It runs from March '09 to March '10. No mention of my wife in any way. Mostly “inner thoughts,” about the nature of life and work and such, sketches, book quotes and Steve Covey-like self-improvement lists. Ok, so on the Steve Covey-like lists, did you find any of the following? 1. Communicate more effectively with BIL’s wife- Dec '09 2. Get into BIL’s wife’s underwear- Mar '10 3. Boink BIL’s wife- May '10 ---
**Author:** ![Creole\_Tomato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@Creole\_Tomato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creole_Tomato)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/84 "2010-05-13T12:40:51Z")
> [@kidneyfailure](#): > > Many men keep diaries. I (a man) have several, both online and IRL. Fair enough. But don’t plant them in any woman’s underwear drawer. That drives husbands nuts. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/85 "2010-05-13T12:53:30Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Unless he doesn’t normally do her laundry. > > Speaking of which, I don’t know why she’d have dirty launder in her underwear drawer. Maybe the OP was snooping to begin with. I would think that, rather than snooping, a man going through his wife’s underwear drawer would be something of a sine qua non. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/86 "2010-05-13T12:57:15Z")
To be honest I wasn’t aware people even really kept diaries anymore. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/87 "2010-05-13T12:59:29Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I would think that, rather than snooping, a man going through his wife’s underwear drawer would be something of a sine qua non. > > Best wishes, > hh I’m not sure if that means what you think it means. But in any case, I lived with a girlfriend for two years and I never had the desire to go through her underwear. Maybe I’m the weird one. Edit: At least, not when she wasn’t wearing it! /rimshot ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/88 "2010-05-13T13:09:56Z")
> [@kidneyfailure](#): > > Many men keep diaries. I (a man) have several, both online and IRL. A man diary (a miary?) is kinda borderline. Several? of them, both? online and IRL? Turn over your man card please 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/89 "2010-05-13T13:10:23Z")
Try this. Get a very, very sharp knife. No, don’t kill anybody. Get the diary, and carefully remove every other page. Replace in underwear drawer. Now, the first question that you have to ask is: How did the diary, physically, get into a position for your wife to receive it? That will answer many of your questions. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/90 "2010-05-13T14:13:51Z")
> [@sj15010](#): > > I’ve read the diary. It runs from March '09 to March '10. No mention of my wife in any way. Mostly “inner thoughts,” about the nature of life and work and such, sketches, book quotes and Steve Covey-like self-improvement lists. When were the accusations of the initial affair? If it was during this time period, I would find this diary suspicious. It’s almost like an alibi intended for you to see it… ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/91 "2010-05-13T14:37:40Z")
Hm. In the OP’s shoes, think I would helpfully return the diary to my sister, saying BIL’s lost diary has been found. When sis says “Where did you find that?” answer honestly with eyes brimming full of naive innocence. But what I would want to do is the suggestion of hiding it from her and not saying a thing and/or letting Sister in on it. It will make Wife crazy on a number of levels, she’ll probably tell BIL that it’s missing, and then they’ll both worry about who knows what. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/92 "2010-05-13T14:54:34Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > When were the accusations of the initial affair? If it was during this time period, I would find this diary suspicious. It’s almost like an alibi intended for you to see it… Good call. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/93 "2010-05-13T15:23:08Z")
Look on the bright side. At least you didn’t find your brother-in-law’s penis in your wife’s underwear. Yet. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/94 "2010-05-13T15:27:06Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Just take the diary and hide it really well, don’t say anything at all, and wait to see what happens. It is easy psychological torture. > [@Arrendajo](#): > > Yes, this is a good idea. Or how about this: write in the diary yourself. “05/12/10 - Found my brother-in-law’s diary in my wife’s underwear drawer today. For the life of me I can’t figure out what it’s doing there. Weird.” Then replace it and don’t say a thing. Unless she brings it up. From there you’re on your own. > I am having a hard time imagining myself in this situation, but I think what I would do is this: nothing. I’m serious. Just sit on it for a while. It’s information you have that she doesn’t know you’re privy to. Just watch and wait. I can’t decide which of these I like more. I think hiding it seems more subtle and a little more likely for her to all paranoid. “Like…wait, does he have it or did I just put it somewhere else or…?” Yes, I think hiding it is truly the more evil. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/95 "2010-05-13T15:27:56Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Look on the bright side. At least you didn’t find your brother-in-law’s penis in your wife’s underwear. Yet. Win. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/96 "2010-05-13T15:35:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I can’t decide which of these I like more. I think hiding it seems more subtle and a little more likely for her to all paranoid. “Like…wait, does he have it or did I just put it somewhere else or…?” Yes, I think hiding it is truly the more evil. Okay, show of hands! Who all is in favor of hiding it? :: raises hand:: Aye! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/97 "2010-05-13T15:40:47Z")
It’s like we’ve all forgotten that a man’s marriage is at stake. xD But really, hiding it seems awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/98 "2010-05-13T15:44:12Z")
Hiding it only lowers yourself to their level. Open and honest confrontation is the best way to go. But I would definitely call the BIL first. Probably would do it while the wife is home and in the other room, so that you could immediately go talk to her after you get off the phone with BIL, so the two couldn’t have a chance to match up any stories. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/99 "2010-05-13T15:48:04Z")
I’m not sure what there is to confront them about if there is nothing incriminating in the diary. The most likely explanation is that the brother in law had the diary with him at some point when he visited the house and just left it or dropped it. Now, if the OP doesn’t know about his brother visiting the house around the time the diary entries stopped, maybe there’s an issue. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/100 "2010-05-13T16:12:26Z")
The first possibility that came to my mind was that your wife had stolen the diary. If she is missing/looking for that “zing” of feeling wanted/desired, she may have stolen the diary hoping to find rantings about how much he wanted her in there. Having been cruelly disappointed by the mundane contents, she tucked it away intending either to destroy or return it. Whatever else has/hasn’t happened, I’d say BIL has lost substantial footing here by not feeding her want/need. I agree with the above suggestion to check for signs of missing pages. But it sounds to me like it was never _that_ sort of diary. Re: PYD Inquiring minds would like to know how it could be such a mistake to read one page? Either you found out something that horrified you (thus alerting you to the need to end the relationship) or you found out something which disappointed you (thus alerting you to _her_ need to end the relationship.) Either way, isn’t it better to know? I would much rather be in Hell with the truth than in Heaven with a lie. I just can’t think of a scenario where you learned something important enough to give sucha reaction, but which you’d be better off not knowing. . . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179.md?page=6)