# Found my brother-in-law's diary in my wife's underwear drawer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179 "2010-05-12T15:40:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/101 "2010-05-13T16:33:09Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I just can’t think of a scenario where you learned something important enough to give sucha reaction, but which you’d be better off not knowing. . . I can. A friend of mine got dumped by his girlfriend. He was over-the-moon in love with her. She wanted to see someone else, my buddy wasn’t “the one” and just wasn’t fulfilling her needs for various reasons. Okay fine. She did not, however, need to add the part about “that’s why I’ve been sleeping with Donald for so many months, I just never respected you”. It was additional info that didn’t change the bottom line, it only raked his soul through the coals of die-hard misery. He didn’t learn anything that he could use constructively to better himself as a person, he just found out she’d been lying to him for half a year, and ignorance would have been blissful. ---
**Author:** ![IaMoDiNaRy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/cc9497/32.png) [@IaMoDiNaRy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IaMoDiNaRy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/102 "2010-05-13T16:40:47Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > The first possibility that came to my mind was that your wife had stolen the diary. If she is missing/looking for that “zing” of feeling wanted/desired, she may have stolen the diary hoping to find rantings about how much he wanted her in there. Having been cruelly disappointed by the mundane contents, she tucked it away intending either to destroy or return it. > > Whatever else has/hasn’t happened, I’d say BIL has lost substantial footing here by not feeding her want/need. I agree with the above suggestion to check for signs of missing pages. But it sounds to me like it was never _that_ sort of diary. This, too, was my first thought. It could be that your wife is the only one hoping for something more from BIL. Sorry, I know how hurtful that would be to you. I wouldn’t say a word to your sister until you know more about how the journal came to be there. It could be a completely one sided affair on your wife’s part and would only add to the problems in your sister’s marriage. I, too, want to know where BIL is. Is he out of town. also? I would ask your wife outright how it came to be there. The way I would do it, though, would be to wait until you’re both in the bedroom by her panties drawer. “Honey, I was putting away the laundry and look what I found.” Open the drawer, take it out and wait. If she isn’t forthcoming, tell her that you’re gonna call Sis and BIL to come over to discuss it together to see what they might have to say about it. Don’t let her side track the discussion by accusations of “Why were you going through my “drawers”?” You’re married and if you can’t go thru your wife’s drawers, you got even more problems to deal with. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/103 "2010-05-13T16:43:11Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > To be honest I wasn’t aware people even really kept diaries anymore. I think nowadays they are called “blogs” and are deliberately left on the internet so everyone can go through your underwear drawer. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/104 "2010-05-13T16:46:28Z")
It would never occur to me that the wife stole the diary. I would think the BIL cares about her, and wanted to share his writing with her. That it is very intimate thing and I can’t think of a way it would be purely innocent even if it isn’t physical, it is certainly emotional. ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/105 "2010-05-13T16:52:53Z")
And now you are obligated to search your BIL’s underwear drawer to see if your wife’s diary is there 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/106 "2010-05-13T17:24:22Z")
I agree there is no innocent explanation for BIL’s diary to be in wife’s underwear drawer. Put together with the text, there’s definately an emotional affair happening, if not an actual physical affair (yet.) Reading his diary is a way of developing deeper intimacy between them, since now she’s privy to all of his inner thoughts and feelings (a bit nauseating, right?) I second hiding the diary from her and watching her squirm. Frickin’ genius. ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/107 "2010-05-13T17:34:32Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I’m not sure what there is to confront them about if there is nothing incriminating in the diary. The most likely explanation is that the brother in law had the diary with him at some point when he visited the house and just left it or dropped it. Now, if the OP doesn’t know about his brother visiting the house around the time the diary entries stopped, maybe there’s an issue. Is your brother in law in the habit of “dropping in”, and is it possible he goes to your house when your wife is there and you’re not? BTW - What kind of shape is your marriage in? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/108 "2010-05-13T17:40:02Z")
> [@Emily\_Litella](#): > > Is your brother in law in the habit of “dropping in”, and is it possible he goes to your house when your wife is there and you’re not? > BTW - What kind of shape is your marriage in? I don’t have one, and I don’t have one. But I think you misread what I’m saying. I’m saying that _if_ the OP and his wife had the sister and her husband over at the house at some point around the time the diary entries stop, then the BIL simply could have dropped it at the house at that time. There wouldn’t be anything suspicious about that. (Would I have someone over at my house if he admitted to me that has was “chasing” my wife/girlfriend? Fuck no. But the OP seems to be well past this point.) So if the sister and the brother and law were at the OP’s house at the right time, that could be an innocent explanation for the diary being where it is. If they did not stop by around that time, or if the OP doesn’t know of them coming by at that time, that would be a reason be even more suspicious about the whole situation. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/109 "2010-05-13T17:40:43Z")
I think this speaks to what we were talking about in the snooping thread - I think trust has been destroyed here. Putting myself in the OP’s shoes, I don’t think I would believe anything my wife said about why the diary was there - fool me twice and all that. I wouldn’t play any tricks or try anything cute. If I were the OP, I would be absolutely miserable at being about 95% sure that my wife has been lying and cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/110 "2010-05-13T17:44:31Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I don’t have one, and I don’t have one. But I think you misread what I’m saying. I’m saying that _if_ the OP and his wife had the sister and her husband over at the house at some point around the time the diary entries stop, then the BIL simply could have dropped it at the house at that time. There wouldn’t be anything suspicious about that. (Would I have someone over at my house if he admitted to me that has was “chasing” my wife/girlfriend? Fuck no. But the OP seems to be well past this point.) So if the sister and the brother and law were at the OP’s house at the right time, that could be an innocent explanation for the diary being where it is. If they did not stop by around that time, or if the OP doesn’t know of them coming by at that time, that would be a reason be even more suspicious about the whole situation. That’s about the most innocent explanation I can think of for why the diary is in the OP’s wife’s underwear drawer, but that raises other questions - why didn’t she tell the OP the diary got left behind right away, knowing that there was the old suspicion? Why would someone go visiting with a diary? Again, not normal actions. ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/111 "2010-05-13T17:45:23Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I don’t have one, and I don’t have one. But I think you misread what I’m saying. I’m saying that _if_ the OP and his wife had the sister and her husband over at the house at some point around the time the diary entries stop, then the BIL simply could have dropped it at the house at that time. There wouldn’t be anything suspicious about that. (Would I have someone over at my house if he admitted to me that has was “chasing” my wife/girlfriend? Fuck no. But the OP seems to be well past this point.) So if the sister and the brother and law were at the OP’s house at the right time, that could be an innocent explanation for the diary being where it is. If they did not stop by around that time, or if the OP doesn’t know of them coming by at that time, that would be a reason be even more suspicious about the whole situation. I hope / want to see if there’s an innocent explaination for this whole thing too. But if he did drop it, why would she put it in her underwear drawer? Why couldn’t she just tell the OP she found it and was going to return it? ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/112 "2010-05-13T17:57:58Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > The first possibility that came to my mind was that your wife had stolen the diary. If she is missing/looking for that “zing” of feeling wanted/desired, she may have stolen the diary hoping to find rantings about how much he wanted her in there. Having been cruelly disappointed by the mundane contents, she tucked it away intending either to destroy or return it. I was thinking that also. I think she was hoping to read pages and pages of hidden burning desire and got pages and pages of buy cat food and pick up dry cleaning instead. If I were the OP, I would drop the notebook off with the sister and say he found it in his house, no further explanation necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/113 "2010-05-13T19:29:08Z")
\*\* Quoting Marley23 \*\* "I’m not sure what there is to confront them about if there is nothing incriminating in the diary. The most likely explanation is that the brother in law had the diary with him at some point when he visited the house and just left it or dropped it. Now, if the OP doesn’t know about his brother visiting the house around the time the diary entries stopped, maybe there’s an issue. Except that if it was all done in innocence, why is it tucked away in the wife’s drawer? If my brother-in-law, or anyone else for that matter, left a book at my house, I wouldn’t tuck it away in my underwear drawer without a word. The scenario would more likely be “Hey, BIL left his book here. I’ll give them a call to let them know.” And then I’d leave it out somewhere that would be a reminder to return it or an easy place for them to find it if they came to pick it up. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/114 "2010-05-13T19:53:14Z")
I call for a show of hands, are you a man who keeps a diary, do you know a man who keeps a diary? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/115 "2010-05-13T19:57:58Z")
> [@Salem](#): > > Except that if it was all done in innocence, why is it tucked away in the wife’s drawer? If my brother-in-law, or anyone else for that matter, left a book at my house, I wouldn’t tuck it away in my underwear drawer without a word. It’s not just a book, it’s the guy’s journal. Maybe she didn’t trust the OP not to read it. Yeah, I know that stretches credulity. ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/116 "2010-05-13T20:00:16Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I call for a show of hands, are you a man who keeps a diary, do you know a man who keeps a diary? I have kept a diary since 1977. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/117 "2010-05-13T20:01:41Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s about the most innocent explanation I can think of for why the diary is in the OP’s wife’s underwear drawer, but that raises other questions - why didn’t she tell the OP the diary got left behind right away, knowing that there was the old suspicion? Totally valid question. (I’m only answering it once but three people asked it at the same time.) I’m not saying the wife couldn’t be having an affair. But people do forget stuff sometimes. If and only if it happened the way I mentioned - the brother in law and his wife visited the house at some time in March, he left the diary, the OP’s wife found it - then there’s nothing suspicious about this by itself. And that’s worth keeping in mind only because if the OP goes to his wife and implies he thinks she’s cheating on him, it’s probably the end of the relationship. (Assuming all of this happened as described, it’s not in great shape already, and whether or not it’s worth saving is not my department.) If the brother-in-law and his wife didn’t visit around the time then, the diary means the brother-in-law was there by himself without his wife or the OP knowing about it, which suggests they’re having an affair. Without knowing if they visit a lot and if they were at the house around that time I don’t know if either one is possible. > [@](#): > > Why would someone go visiting with a diary? If you read the OP’s description of what is in the diary, it doesn’t strain credibility to believe the brother-in-law carries it around with him. If there were a bunch of entries about his feelings for the OP’s wife, there would be no innocent explanation for it being there. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/118 "2010-05-13T20:19:21Z")
I do have to wonder why, if they are having an affair (and I have yet to be convinced of that), he would bring his diary over. To answer **elbows** ’ question, I don’t have a diary, but I have a notebook that started out as a journal of sorts, but now I use it to organize some of my life projects, make laundry lists, and write out random brain farts. I have some pretty important things in there, as well as some deeply personal things, so I’d be pretty upset if I lost it and even more upset if someone else read it. Having said that, it does occasionally leave my home. It would NEVER occur to me to bring it on a date. That’s kind of the last place I’d want to have it with me. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/119 "2010-05-13T20:47:36Z")
> [@Emily\_Litella](#): > > I hope / want to see if there’s an innocent explaination for this whole thing too. But if he did drop it, why would she put it in her underwear drawer? That begs the question of whether she’s the type to leave random things in weird places. If I had a book in one hand and some clean underwear in the other, I could totally see myself putting the book in the drawer and the underwear on the shelf. Some people would never do something like that. Of course the likelihood that that’s how the book ended up in the underwear drawer is vanishingly small, but hey, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. ---
**Author:** ![IaMoDiNaRy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/cc9497/32.png) [@IaMoDiNaRy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IaMoDiNaRy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/120 "2010-05-13T20:49:18Z")
The OP calls it his BIL’s personal journal. As this thread grew, it came to be referred to as a diary. After some research, some think there is a difference between a journal and a diary. Diaries pretty much record day to day experiences whereas a journal records experiences, favorite quotes, lists of things desired, maybe drawings, things to do, etc. They do sound pretty much the same to me, though. Also it’s more likely to be called a diary if the keeper is a female and a journal if the keeper is a male. To answer the question posed earlier, do I know anyone that’s ever kept a diary? I did when I was a tween but burned it later because I didn’t want anyone to read it. One of my brothers kept trying to read it, the jerk! Knowledge is POWER! My oldest brother started keeping a journal when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He did most of it on the computer, though. Hey, Stefan on the Vampire Diaries keeps a “journal” and Elena keeps a diary. Yeah, I watch it! What about it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179.md?page=7)