# Found my brother-in-law's diary in my wife's underwear drawer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179 "2010-05-12T15:40:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/141 "2010-05-14T11:12:20Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Re the laundry conundrum: Maybe the OP added a detail in order to keep the discussion from revolving around his snooping. I think I might, in his shoes. > > \ > > The element of all this that keeps me on the fence is her concern that her husband didn’t defend her before. Maybe the BIL has been harassing her, and she feels she not only has to fend him off, but to hide the nightmare from her husband, for fear she’ll be blamed. That would totally suck, and we’d all be on the first bus to hell, I can tell you. I totally agree on the “laundry” issue-- it’s NOT an issue. Given the situation stated by the OP, he may or may not have ever put his wife’s laundry away- either before this one time or at that one time. It may have just been your basic snoop because of the past incident (and maybe more incidences). It’s really not the issue here. However he found it, he found it. On the other hand, if the BIL had been harassing her, why did SHE send a text to HIM saying “I miss you”. I don’t think, given the little info the OP has put forth, that would be the case if he was hassling her. And the OP may have posted in a moment of “desperation” wanting to confirm his suspicions and get “permission” to read that book that he likely had already read anyway after he snooped it out of her drawer. He could now be uncomfortable, given the level of attention he’s garnered, about coming back and giving more details of his personal life. OR not! A good mystery is a good mystery and the SDMB posters just love a good mystery - three pages in and the OP’s only posted twice! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/142 "2010-05-14T11:35:37Z")
> [@Salem](#): > > On the other hand, if the BIL had been harassing her, why did SHE send a text to HIM saying “I miss you”. I don’t think, given the little info the OP has put forth, that would be the case if he was hassling her. That was from the first incident. I am suggesting the possibility that he has now begun to use the fear of suspicion to control her in a second incident. (As opposed to "they’ve been much sneakier since then but have been seeing each other all along.) I don’t really think that’s the case, I’, just trying to help bring up all the possibilities. Trying to find an innocent explanation is a fascinating intellectual puzzle. Ooh, ooh! Like maybe the BIL knowing wife would be out of town this week, planted the book for OP to discover! ! ! And yes, I am deeply ashamed when I stop to consider that this is a real marriage, containing real people, and not just some hypothetical exercise. The simplest ( and I think indisputable) fact here is that the OP doesn’t trust his wife, and nor does she trust him. Whatever the reason for the placement of the book, she didn’t discuss it with him, and he was shocked to find nothing condemning in it. I’m guessing the OP has been in a two-day strategy session with his sister, and their new lawyer has kept them much too busy for websurfing. I hope that’s the case. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/143 "2010-05-14T11:50:30Z")
The BIL admits he was pursuing your wife. Lets start there. Even if your wife dallied with an emotional affair with this guy, he is married to your sister, so the relationship in some form has to continue, the most likely way in this situation? For your wife to let him down easy. The down side? BIL continues pursuing her on milder level, one of the ways he does this is to give her his diary to read, so she can “see” him. She doesn’t know what to do with the damn thing and hides it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/144 "2010-05-14T12:17:20Z")
> [@Emily\_Litella](#): > > BTW - What kind of shape is your marriage in? > [@sj15010](#): > > Some background: Our marriage is not well, nor is my sister’s (to whom the BIL is married). A key event in both marriages occurred a few years ago, when my sister saw my wife text an “I miss you” message to my BIL, and he respond “I miss you too.” You should buy the Cliff Notes.😛 ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/145 "2010-05-14T12:45:24Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > My husband often washes his own clothes and puts them away, but he doesn’t wash mine, and if you saw the way he does laundry, you’d wouldn’t let him wash yours either. My wife and I both do laundry, I don’t generally put her’s away, but that’s because we put them away at the same time. I will fold her clothes since they all get washed together. I also do all the dishes, usually clean the bathrooms and vacuum. ---
**Author:** ![Creole\_Tomato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@Creole\_Tomato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creole_Tomato)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/146 "2010-05-14T12:46:38Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > If I were the OP, I would drop the notebook off with the sister and say he found it in his house, no further explanation necessary. I like this advice. I have a feeling the sister is not to be fucked with. She’ll solve the mystery. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/147 "2010-05-14T12:55:56Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Now it’s time for \*\*Wilbo523’\*\*s plan: > > 1. Read the diary > 2. Call the BIL and ask him if he is missing his diary. If he says “yes”, then tell him that you found it in your house, and ask him if he knows how it possibly could have ended up there. > 3. Tell your wife that while you were putting away the laundry you noticed BIL’s diary in her drawer. Ask her how it ended up there. If her story doesn’t match up with BIL’s story, ask her why BIL say’s differently. Re: Diary storage: Many banks still rent safety deposit boxes. Bills can be sent to your office instead of your home and the key would look unremarkable on your house key ring. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/148 "2010-05-14T13:32:32Z")
I’m guessing the OP’s gone, never to be heard from again. So in his absence, we could make up our own versions of what he did and what happened. 1. OP got a call from his sister. Sister claims that while she was putting away the laundry this past week (_OP’s mom was very fastidious about teaching her children about laundry_) that she found a pair of panties in her husband’s underwear drawer that were not hers. After describing them, OP figures out they are the underwear he bought her for their 5th wedding anniversary. 2. OP tells his sister about finding BIL’s journal in his wife’s underwear drawer. 3. They both cry for about 15 minutes. And OP asks if BIL is home. Sister tells him that no, he is out of town for an emergency business trip (_with OPAL_ :p). 4. OP tells sister that his wife is also out of town! 5. They cry for another 15 minutes. 6. They both decide to wait until their spouses come home and confront them each. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/149 "2010-05-14T15:13:42Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > So in his absence, we could make up our own versions of what he did and what happened. > > _snip_ > > 1. OP tells sister that his wife is also out of town! > > 2. They cry for another 15 minutes. > > _snip_ 5.5 They hire a private detective to spy on the out-of-towners. 5.6 The next day the private detective calls the OP and say he saw them eating dinner together at Jimmy Joe-Jacks Waffles and Flapjacks. She had scrambled egg whites, some fruit and an orange juice. He had steak and eggs and a coffee. 5.7 The following day the detective calls and says he saw them emerge from a hotel room together and that he will be tailing them the rest of the day. 5.8 Two days later the wife returns home and makes up some lie about her business trip. The OP is still not sure of what to do so he does nothing. 5.9 The next day the BIL comes home and makes up some lie about his business trip. The sister like the OP does and says nothing because she is also unsure of how to procede. 5.91 The next week the OP sees on the evening news that a man named Max Power was found murdered in a seedy ally with 17 stab wounds. He freaks out and immediately calls his sister to inform her that the private detective they hired was found murdered. Both freak the fuck out. 5.92 Nothing is ever mentioned of the incident again because both the OP and the sister fear if they bring up the subject they might end up killed as well. 5.93 40 years later on the OPs death bed the wife confesses that yes she was having an affair but it was not with the BIL but the pool boy. The BIL was jealous and wanted to talk about the situation so they went away on that trip. It turns out the BIL had wanted to boink the pool boy as well but the wife wouldn’t let him. When BIL discovers the private detective is following them he convinces the detective to go have boinky-fun-time with him. The wife, who had independently discovered the detective, wanted to boink him too. She found the BIL and PD boinking and got all crazy with jealous rage and killed the detective. The wife and the BIL agreed to never speak of the incident again and agreed to share the pool boy from now on. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/150 "2010-05-14T15:38:40Z")
Given the OP’s disappearance, and given the fact that the 3 posts he’s made in this thread are the _only_ 3 posts he’s made in any thread, ever, I’m beginning to doubt the veracity of this whole story. I went back for another read and this stands out: > [@sj15010](#): > > A key event in both marriages occurred a few years ago, when my sister saw my wife text an “I miss you” message to my BIL, and he respond “I miss you too.” Try to read a text on your phone from more than a foot or two away. More to the point, try to read a text on somebody _else’s_ phone without them realizing. Did Mrs. **sj** not notice that Sis was sitting right next to her or looking directly over her shoulder during both the sending and receiving of said texts? I don’t suppose it’s impossible, but it’s maybe one more clue that we’re all getting whooshed here… ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/151 "2010-05-14T15:47:23Z")
I’m just wondering if the diary was left underneath a pair of pajama bottoms. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/152 "2010-05-14T16:10:30Z")
It’s a good whoosh! I really wish it wasn’t though - I gotsta _know_!!! ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/153 "2010-05-14T16:20:42Z")
Could be a whoosh, could be the OP quickly realized what a mistake it is sharing private problems on this board. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/154 "2010-05-14T16:55:26Z")
**TruCelt** said: > [@](#): > > I’m still stuck on how she got the diary. BIL sounds like a true narcissist. Maybe he thought so much of his daily drivel that he figured letting her read it would make her fall madly in love with him. And maybe he’s so utterly self-absorbed that he never stopped to think she might be disappointed not to see any reference to herself in there. Maybe, but I think it far more likely that the BIL mentioned he kept a journal and the wife asked to read it, because she wanted to get to know him better. I was having a conversation with a lady, poetry came up, I mentioned I wrote a couple in creative writing class in college. I don’t consider myself a poet, I’m sure they’re mostly crap, I kinda enjoyed one of them, but it’s not like I paste them on the walls or email them to all my friends or started a blog to share my stupid poetry. But she asked to read them. Am I being a narcissist for bringing up the fact that I wrote a couple of stupid poems once in a college class while we were discussing writing poetry? Or is she trying to get in my pants?\* > [@](#): > > The element of all this that keeps me on the fence is her concern that her husband didn’t defend her before. Maybe the BIL has been harassing her, and she feels she not only has to fend him off, but to hide the nightmare from her husband, for fear she’ll be blamed. That would totally suck, and we’d all be on the first bus to hell, I can tell you. Given what happened before, and the way it fell out, it’s possible that he could control her to a point just by threatening to make accusations which would destroy her marriage. And maybe, in such a case, she would leave evidence where her husband would find it, in the subconscious hope that he would step up and defend her, or help her. This boggles my mind. If you are worried your husband will think you are guilty, then you don’t cover up, you make public his harassment and sever ties. And I can’t imagine how leaving evidence that suggests your guilt would bring the person you are concerned about to come to your defense, rather than scare them further away. **Wheelz** said: > [@](#): > > Try to read a text on your phone from more than a foot or two away. More to the point, try to read a text on somebody else’s phone without them realizing. Did Mrs. sj not notice that Sis was sitting right next to her or looking directly over her shoulder during both the sending and receiving of said texts? A more likely scenario is the texts were exchanged during some ambiguous setting (like sitting in a boring sermon at church) and the wife witnessed the timing of the exchange, got suspicious, and dug further to uncover the content of the texts. The OP shorthanded what happened to an executive summary. * * * - It’s possible there are other options. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/155 "2010-05-14T17:12:37Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > could be the OP quickly realized what a mistake it is sharing private problems on this board. I’ve wondered why folks to that. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/156 "2010-05-14T17:27:29Z")
My theory now is that the OP has finished writing his short story, received his “C-” and commenced celebrating the beginning of Summer. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/157 "2010-05-14T17:27:48Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > I don’t suppose it’s impossible, but it’s maybe one more clue that we’re all getting whooshed here… It’s kinda lame for a whoosh, but maybe that’s the best kind of whoosh – not so outrageous as to be totally unbelievable, but with just enough little touches to make people wonder. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/158 "2010-05-14T17:37:01Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > I’m guessing the OP’s gone, never to be heard from again. > > So in his absence, we could make up our own versions of what he did and what happened. > > 1. OP got a call from his sister. Sister claims that while she was putting away the laundry this past week (_OP’s mom was very fastidious about teaching her children about laundry_) that she found a pair of panties in her husband’s underwear drawer that were not hers. After describing them, OP figures out they are the underwear he bought her for their 5th wedding anniversary. > > 2. OP tells his sister about finding BIL’s journal in his wife’s underwear drawer. > > 3. They both cry for about 15 minutes. And OP asks if BIL is home. Sister tells him that no, he is out of town for an emergency business trip (_with OPAL_ :p). > > 4. OP tells sister that his wife is also out of town! > > 5. They cry for another 15 minutes. > > 6. They both decide to wait until their spouses come home and confront them each. > [@Tahssa](#): > > 5.5 They hire a private detective to spy on the out-of-towners. > > 5.6 The next day the private detective calls the OP and say he saw them eating dinner together at Jimmy Joe-Jacks Waffles and Flapjacks. She had scrambled egg whites, some fruit and an orange juice. He had steak and eggs and a coffee. > > 5.7 The following day the detective calls and says he saw them emerge from a hotel room together and that he will be tailing them the rest of the day. > > 5.8 Two days later the wife returns home and makes up some lie about her business trip. The OP is still not sure of what to do so he does nothing. > > 5.9 The next day the BIL comes home and makes up some lie about his business trip. The sister like the OP does and says nothing because she is also unsure of how to procede. > > 5.91 The next week the OP sees on the evening news that a man named Max Power was found murdered in a seedy ally with 17 stab wounds. He freaks out and immediately calls his sister to inform her that the private detective they hired was found murdered. Both freak the fuck out. > > 5.92 Nothing is ever mentioned of the incident again because both the OP and the sister fear if they bring up the subject they might end up killed as well. > > 5.93 40 years later on the OPs death bed the wife confesses that yes she was having an affair but it was not with the BIL but the pool boy. The BIL was jealous and wanted to talk about the situation so they went away on that trip. It turns out the BIL had wanted to boink the pool boy as well but the wife wouldn’t let him. When BIL discovers the private detective is following them he convinces the detective to go have boinky-fun-time with him. The wife, who had independently discovered the detective, wanted to boink him too. She found the BIL and PD boinking and got all crazy with jealous rage and killed the detective. The wife and the BIL agreed to never speak of the incident again and agreed to share the pool boy from now on. 5.94 The OP is dead and doesn’t know it. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/159 "2010-05-14T18:06:48Z")
1. He says to sis, “Fuck it, let them have each other. I’ve always liked you better than her anyway…” * * * Can I get a synopsis of the pyjama girl story? ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179/160 "2010-05-14T19:12:32Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > Can I get a synopsis of the pyjama girl story? Better than that. I’ll give you a [link to it](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=111990&highlight=Pyjama+Pants+Girl). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-my-brother-in-laws-diary-in-my-wifes-underwear-drawer/539179.md?page=9)