# Found out my dad is drinking again after being sober 20 years.....

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-out-my-dad-is-drinking-again-after-being-sober-20-years/604474>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [November 29, 2011, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-out-my-dad-is-drinking-again-after-being-sober-20-years/604474 "2011-11-29T18:40:27Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\
**Post date:** [December 2, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/found-out-my-dad-is-drinking-again-after-being-sober-20-years/604474/41 "2011-12-02T22:15:49Z")

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I don’t see a lot of sniping in this thread. I am a former alcoholic who, for years, drank at least 100-150 units per week, and I have about the same feelings as **Fear Itself** – I like substances that bring me down, and that meant booze primarily. The really head-type weed never did it for me, but heroin did the half-dozen (? not sure) times I tried it, and of course booze. I don’t know how I can be helpful to the OP other than saying I agree with the general idea of not enabling.

The only real advice I can offer from experience is that there’s absolutely no, zero point in arguing with an alcoholic – and it’s incredibly insulting to “them” to constantly be sniffing around or monitoring their activities. They have a way of picking up on that – a little paranoia comes with drinking and being hungover IME – and IMO it’s better to just let them be and deal with them if you want to as they are, or take a little breather from the relationship. Sometimes the dynamics between family members and the drinker in the family can be skewed heavily against the alkie (not without good reason!) but I don’t think it’s healthy for either aggrieved party, and the emotional scars will probably be with you your entire life if the relationship is passive-aggressive and antagonist/“well-meaning.”

Al-Anon sounds like a good idea, or maybe just seeing a therapist to help moderate one’s reaction to a drinker (former or past) and to become comfortable deciding how to behave and, essentially, what’s the best move.

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