# FOX 5 News, I Love You **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 17, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472 "2003-12-17T04:39:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sleeping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@sleeping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeping)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/1 "2003-12-17T04:39:05Z")
Ah yes, Fox 5 News. Hilarious in its own right. 10:10 PM, today Fox does a story about a murderer, showing footage of him being led away by police while a 15-year-old boy shouts, “You fucker! You killed my mother!” Reporter: “A mother killed in cold blood…” 10:15 PM Anchor: “We’d like to warn our viewers about the next story. It contains images of the ‘flier.’ If you have sensitive children, please ask them to leave the room now.” Reporter: “Vandalism has taken a new turn in the city [slight dramatic pause] as pranksters have been taping up all the fingers on the traffic lights [dramatic pause] except the middle one.\*” [picture of one such traffic light shown–a giant red middle finger] Reporter: “What do you think about this crime?” Person on Street #1: “I don’t understand why someone would do that. It’s so stupid.” Person on Street #2: “It’s immature.” Person on Street #3: “It’s really dumb. Cause if a person’s on the corner, they won’t know when to cross…” Reporter: “It’s also important to note that it’s not so easy to just stick the masking tape on the light. One must climb up the pole to get to it.” [reporter starts to climb up the pole] Anchor: “Stay tuned for our special report on a double murder…” Ahem. WTF?! 1. A segment in which the middle finger is shown requires a special warning, but stories about grisly murders are ok? and 1. It’s not like people will actually be confused by the covering up of the stop lights. (“Gee, I don’t know whether to stop or be insulted.”) \*Note to non-New Yorkers: The corner traffic lights in New York used to say either _walk_ or [_don’t walk_](http://www.oyonale.com/ldc/images/mouille_detail3.jpg). A few years ago, citing lower energy costs and a clearer meaning to foreigners, the Department of Transportation decided to change the lights so that “stop” was represented by a red hand and “walk” by a yellow walking stick figure. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/2 "2003-12-17T04:40:29Z")
Yeah I saw that a few minutes ago myself. I’m still picking up my jaw from the floor. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/3 "2003-12-17T05:07:13Z")
At least Fox 5 is better than UPN or WB - faint praise that. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/4 "2003-12-17T06:17:19Z")
“The Flier”?? Never heard it called that before. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/5 "2003-12-17T06:22:45Z")
Maybe they were trying to be subtle to avoid giving anyone a seizure from hearing them say “the bird”? ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/6 "2003-12-17T08:09:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sleeping \* > \*Note to non-New Yorkers: The corner traffic lights in New York used to say either _walk_ or [_don’t walk_](http://www.oyonale.com/ldc/images/mouille_detail3.jpg). A few years ago, citing lower energy costs and a clearer meaning to foreigners, the Department of Transportation decided to change the lights so that “stop” was represented by a red hand and “walk” by a yellow walking stick figure. \*\* Those things save energy because they’re LEDs instead of incandescent bulbs, BTW. And you get the nice advantage of language-independant pedestrian traffic-control. Not that anyone in the Great City of New York pays attention to walk signs. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/7 "2003-12-17T09:24:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sleeping \* > \*\*\*Note to non-New Yorkers: The corner traffic lights in New York used to say either _walk_ or [_don’t walk_](http://www.oyonale.com/ldc/images/mouille_detail3.jpg). A few years ago, citing lower energy costs and a clearer meaning to foreigners, the Department of Transportation decided to change the lights so that “stop” was represented by a red hand and “walk” by a yellow walking stick figure. \*\* Interesting. In other parts of the country, I’ve seen an orange hand and a white walking figure in use for a long time - since the 1980s IIRC. Definitely before they started using LEDs, as I’ve also seen incandescent and neon hand signals, and the white walk signals appear to still be incandescent now. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/8 "2003-12-17T11:49:48Z")
My friend says that a more compelling “don’t walk” image would be the little white stick figure being hit by a car, spurting flashing red streams of blood. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/9 "2003-12-17T12:38:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sugaree \* > \*\*My friend says that a more compelling “don’t walk” image would be the little white stick figure being hit by a car, spurting flashing red streams of blood. \*\* That seems too much like a dare… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/10 "2003-12-17T12:43:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sugaree \* > \*\*My friend says that a more compelling “don’t walk” image would be the little white stick figure being hit by a car, spurting flashing red streams of blood. \*\* Hmm I wonder if duct tape could do that? ---
**Author:** ![NYR407](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@NYR407](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NYR407)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/11 "2003-12-17T14:37:14Z")
I am shocked that this wasn’t about a “Problem Solvers” report. Or was it? The most pathetic “news” I’ve ever seen. They act like a cross between mobsters and Geraldo Rivera. I can’t agree with **D\_Odds** that Fox is better than UPN or WB news casts. They all have their downfalls but Fox reporters always seems like they are trying to out shock the other stations. I guess when you have an hour of station time and only 30 mins worth of real news (if you are lucky) they have to fill in the remainder with something. And what is with that “Fox Sports Team”. Report the damn sports and go away. I don’t need your damn round table discussion when it is obvious that you don’t know what you are talking about. At least UPN (Russ and Monica) are somewhat knowledgeable (although he can be annoying). Oh how I miss the simple days of John Rolland reading an obsure sports questions to “The Amazin” Bill Mazer. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/12 "2003-12-17T14:44:29Z")
My roommate and I used to crack UP over Fox 5 news. We both hate watching the news, but we’d watch Fox 5 for the simple absurdity of it. There was one story about a bride or a groom who’d been killed on their wedding day, and they began the story with “There’s no honeymoon for these two!” in the most jovial voice - we were hysterical watching it. I think they’re the anti-news. At least they’re entertaining! Ava ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/13 "2003-12-17T14:49:28Z")
theres probably one in every city. I,for one, have never seen anyone in the position of the white walking figure actually crossing the street. No one has posture like that, though I like to imitate it while walking to the amusement of my son. One arm must be bent behind you! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/14 "2003-12-17T14:51:18Z")
Fair & Balanced…like two buttocks mooning you. Honest to God, where did they steal their Journalistic Format from? **Robcop** …? > [@](#): > > “Its 10pm…do you know where your chilkdren are…?” ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/15 "2003-12-17T14:52:06Z")
This wasn’t the station that showed the manroot, is it? ---
**Author:** ![JerH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@JerH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerH)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/16 "2003-12-17T15:56:22Z")
I love Fox 5 News (in DC), particularly during sweeps months. That’s when they do all their bizarre, try and scare you stories, like “is there fecal matter in **your** clothes dryer?” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/17 "2003-12-17T16:43:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JerH \* > \*\*I love Fox 5 News (in DC), particularly during sweeps months. That’s when they do all their bizarre, try and scare you stories, like “is there fecal matter in _your_ clothes dryer?” \*\* Don’t forget “what’s all that pink stuff in the skies over DC?” It’s the aurora borealis, you morons! And I missed the damn thing because you were being coy! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/18 "2003-12-17T22:44:30Z")
I think if I saw a crossing signal flipping me the bird it would crack me up and make my day. I wish I’d been a man on the street for that interview session. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/19 "2003-12-18T00:37:06Z")
> [@](#): > > And what is with that “Fox Sports Team”. Report the damn sports and go away. I don’t need your damn round table discussion when it is obvious that you don’t know what you are talking about. At least UPN (Russ and Monica) are somewhat knowledgeable (although he can be annoying). Insert “weather team” and “meteorologists” in the appropriate places. I don’t care about the fronts. Just tell me whether I should go out in light clothing, a sweater, and/or carry an umbrella. I don’t care WHY the weather is acting the way it is. I just want to know what it’s doing, which can be covered in half a minute. Two minutes, if you want to give a long-range forecast. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2003, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472/20 "2003-12-18T05:00:43Z")
I hate to say it, but that sounds like something my friends and I would have done back in high school. Teehee! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fox-5-news-i-love-you/219472.md?page=2)