# Frankie says: Relax, don't do WHAT when you wanna come? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [June 26, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157 "2001-06-26T01:50:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/1 "2001-06-26T01:50:48Z")
Remember that 80’s song by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, ‘Relax’? Lyrics went something like this:\*\* Relax don’t do it When you want to go to it Relax don’t do it When you want to come\*\* I can think of million things not to do when you want to come. Think of grandma, pour Tabasco on your 'nads, ram a meat skewer through… well you get the point. Was it ever determined what FGTH specifically had in mind not to do? ---
**Author:** ![Lance\_Turbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lance_turbo/32/6156_2.png) [@Lance\_Turbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lance_Turbo)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/2 "2001-06-26T04:15:14Z")
Umm… come. I always thought that Frankie would prefer it if you relaxed a bit instead of ejaculating. Make it last at least until the end of the song where he pretty clearly gives you your cue. Having never actually slept with Frankie, I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/3 "2001-06-26T04:28:18Z")
You know, “Frankie Goes To Hollywood” was awesome. Thanks for reminding me. I’m going to go pull out some FGTH tapes. ---
**Author:** ![camkorn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9c0ed/32.png) [@camkorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/camkorn)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/4 "2001-06-26T05:29:46Z")
i always thought that the relax bit refered to yer marmite motorway and that was wot all the fuss was about when the song was released?! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/5 "2001-06-26T12:23:11Z")
The song is about sodomy. It is about relaxing your sphincter, which allows for considerably more pleasure in the act of anal sex. From [http://www.bubblegun.com/features/banned.html](http://www.bubblegun.com/features/banned.html) > [@](#): > > Famously, in 1983 Radio One DJ Mike “Myfanwy” Read sussed the worst-kept non-secret in music. Having just played Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s Relax, the red-faced and fuming twat apologised to listeners for not realising that the lyrics “Relax, just do it, when you want to suck to it, Relax, just do it, when you want to come,” were a reference to ejaculation and possible homosexual activities, such as > bum-ups, men-touch and knob-knob-suck-suck (the outraged Read being a fine one to talk, given that, according to a national newspaper some years later, he liked to bed impressionable young fans while listening to The Icicle Works). By the time the BBC got around to banning Relax it had already been performed on Top Of The Pops, and was at number two in the charts. The resultant publicity surrounding the ban propelled it to number one. ---
**Author:** ![camkorn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9c0ed/32.png) [@camkorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/camkorn)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/6 "2001-06-26T12:25:56Z")
marmite motorway = spinchter btw hehe 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/7 "2001-06-26T12:42:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lance Turbo \* > \*\*Umm… come. > > \*\* I think I understand this now. In the phrase, “Don’t do it, when you want to come”, I always took ‘it’ to mean don’t do \, when you want to come", where \ was some other, unnamed activity. I see now that “it” is directly referring to coming. “Don’t do it, when you want to come” is like saying, “If you’re about to come, don’t”. A twenty year personal mystery solved! ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/8 "2001-06-26T12:53:30Z")
I still think you’re being a little anal, revtim – or not, actually. It’s about relaxing the sphincter to allow access and thereby, eventually, ‘coming’ (as camkorn suggests with his ‘marmite motorway’ reference). At last recollection Holly Johnson (the lead singer) was hanging in there with AIDS but that was some time ago – I don’t know what happened… ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/9 "2001-06-26T16:50:59Z")
\ Is EVERY song I like really about anal sex??? \ First “Brown-Eyed Girl,” now this. I don’t think I want to know any more “real” song meanings! \ LA LA LA LA LA LA LA … ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/10 "2001-06-26T17:06:30Z")
> [@](#): > > First “Brown-Eyed Girl,” now this. _WHAT?!_ Explain yourself, missy. My whole world feels on the verge of shattering. ---
**Author:** ![D18](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@D18](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D18)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/11 "2001-06-26T17:09:33Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Scarlett67 \* > [BFirst “Brown-Eyed Girl,” now this. I don’t think I want to know any more “real” song meanings!_\* WTF? Brown-Eyed Girl is about anal sex? As in the Van Morrison classic? That’s gotta be some twisted exegesis. Please explain. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/12 "2001-06-26T17:13:41Z")
How 'bout that one about turning your brown eyes blue? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/13 "2001-06-26T18:26:49Z")
Or the Hokey Pokey? _You put your right hand in, You take your right hand out, You do the Hokey Pokey And you shake it all about._ Sounds pretty suggestive once you look for it! ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/14 "2001-06-26T19:40:40Z")
Well, being a brown-eyed girl, I always liked that song. Until somebody told me that the brown-eyed girl was really, well, a one-eyed, brown-eyed girl. (Maybe she’s Willy the One-Eyed Wonder Worm’s girlfriend.) I don’t know or care whether it’s true or not. The image has been burned into my mind, and that’s enough. I also believe that the “dummy” lyric for Billy Joel’s “Honesty” was “Sodomy . . .” Oh, and thanks a lot, **bugger-hunter.** 😛 [sub]although I always hated that song anyway, so it’s kind of appropriate ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/15 "2001-06-26T19:51:35Z")
'Tis with utmost regret I report there is indeed a school of thought that believes Van the Man is referring to bottom banditry in ‘Brown Eyed Girl’. I don’t actually go along with it (the theory, that is) but it’s there in the archive somewhere- probably in one of those threads about the ‘real meaning’ of pop toons. Reading those threads can be a little disillusioning as most things appear to relate to ones toilet. I s this a good moment to bring up Stevie Nicks anal Coke habit ? ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/16 "2001-06-26T19:56:25Z")
I thought ‘Sodomy’ was by the Bee Gees ? - certainly in the right key. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/17 "2001-06-26T20:25:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by London\_Calling \* > \*\* > I s this a good moment to bring up Stevie Nicks anal Coke habit ? > \*\* If one could ever conceive of a time when it WOULD be a good moment to bring it up, I suppose this would be it. Do tell… ---
**Author:** ![toadspittle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c0e974/32.png) [@toadspittle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toadspittle)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/18 "2001-06-26T22:37:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Lance Turbo \* > > \*\*Umm… come. > > > > \*\* > > I think I understand this now. In the phrase, “Don’t do it, when you want to come”, I always took ‘it’ to mean don’t do \, when you want to come", where \ was some other, unnamed activity. > > I see now that “it” is directly referring to coming. “Don’t do it, when you want to come” is like saying, “If you’re about to come, don’t”. > > A twenty year personal mystery solved! \*\* Naive youth that I was, I always thought that this song was about abstinence. i.e.: Relax, calm down, don’t have sex when you’re really horny, kids. Must be leftovers from Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” days… ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/19 "2001-06-26T22:41:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WordMan \* > If one could ever conceive of a time when it WOULD be a good moment to bring it up, I suppose this would be it. Do tell… Well !.. I’m not one to gossip _but_… I did look at Snopes once to see if this was a known U/L and couldn’t find anything…anyhoo, this is something from ye old days of having a rock chic / music biz GF ( a world in which embellishment is not a stranger): Seems Ms Nicks had a substantial habit for some considerable time and, not being entirely devoid of vanity, became increasingly concerned about aspects of her vocal performance - she believed that the wicked powder was affecting the quality. Instead of giving up the habit, she decided to take it from the bottom up and, U/L has it, someone was employed on a full time basis to blow the powder up her arse. I don’t know the veracity of this but it’s quite an often-told tale. Glad you asked ? ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2001, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157/20 "2001-06-26T22:55:17Z")
Employed? Hell, I’da paid her for that opportunity! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/frankie-says-relax-dont-do-what-when-you-wanna-come/70157.md?page=2)