# Fred Phelps is coming to town - I need a sign **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 17, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252 "2005-01-17T22:30:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/1 "2005-01-17T22:30:45Z")
Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church will be in Helena to protest Helena’s “pro-gay” churches (including a Baptist church and the Catholic cathedral) and the Montana Supreme Court (“People’s Republic of Sodom.”) I plan to participate in any counter-protests. But I’d like a sign on a stick that is funny and can be read by passerby going 30 miles an hour. Any suggestions? Thanks, Whistlepig I though this response from the local Catholic church was pretty cool: Monsignor Kevin O’Neill, of the Helena Diocese, called the group reprehensible and labeled its statements as vile and hate-filled. “They don’t seek to reside within the truth,” O’Neill said. “Theirs is a narrow, bigoted mind, and you have to pray for them.” O’Neill said that while the church does not condone or promote the homosexual lifestyle, it does not discriminate against the sexual orientation of the individual. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/2 "2005-01-17T22:45:44Z")
**Hey! what gives you the right?** Courtesy of [Five Man Electrical Band](http://www.fivemanelectricalband.ca/signslyrics.html) ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/3 "2005-01-17T22:46:14Z")
**FREE MANURE U-SHOVEL** \<----------- with the arrow pointing in the direction Phelps’ crowd is standing. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/4 "2005-01-17T22:54:35Z")
How a bout a rain of frogs? Oh, sorry. Wrong sort of sign. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/5 "2005-01-17T23:08:28Z")
God Gave You Cancer (Not that I believe one bit of it, but I figure if God Hates Sweden and sent the Tsunami because they “love fags”, a little cancer for a child-abusing wife-beater would only be fair). ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/6 "2005-01-17T23:16:18Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > **FREE MANURE U-SHOVEL** > \<----------- > with the arrow pointing in the direction Phelps’ crowd is standing. Oooh, I like that. Particularly here in the west where people know what manure is. And it could work good if I went and stood in the middle of Fred and crew. Whistlepig ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/7 "2005-01-17T23:34:00Z")
How about just a completely blank sign? (idea courtesy of Larry Niven) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/8 "2005-01-17T23:39:22Z")
**Down with protests!** For those who love the ironic. You’re protesting Phelp’s protesting, see? ---
**Author:** ![Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9dc877/32.png) [@Nightwatch\_Trailer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightwatch_Trailer)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/9 "2005-01-18T00:05:08Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > You’re protesting Phelp’s protesting, see? ::Head explodes:: > [@Jenaroph](#): > > FREE MANURE > U-SHOVEL > \<----------- How about you cross out the second “e” in “FREE” and replace it with a “d”? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/10 "2005-01-18T00:24:23Z")
Short and simple. Stand next to them with a sign reading “DUMBASS” and an arrow. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/11 "2005-01-18T00:45:00Z")
It’s probably hopeless to expect this, but the ideal situation would be Fred and a handful of his followers huddled together outside a local church in the snow, freezing their buns off, while absolutely no one pays attention. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/12 "2005-01-18T00:59:55Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > It’s probably hopeless to expect this, but the ideal situation would be Fred and a handful of his followers huddled together outside a local church in the snow, freezing their buns off, while absolutely no one pays attention. Yeah, but the police can’t be everywhere, you know. Speaking of which, are the monsters paying for any police protection they will be receiving? If not, did they still get a protest permit? Or perhaps they won’t have any police protection? (Which of course means neither will the church-goers.) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/13 "2005-01-18T01:01:23Z")
I apologise in advance for the language (If you think you’ll be offended, don’t read the spoiler box) and it may not actually be appropriate to make such a sign (in terms of public disorder etc), but maybe: [spoiler]\<—DUMBASS ATTENTION-WHORES \<— (Except, of course, this only draws more attention to them) [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/14 "2005-01-18T01:07:04Z")
Boobies! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/15 "2005-01-18T01:08:01Z")
Perhaps you could take a leaf from the monsignor’s book: **Pray for them, They know not what they do** Personally, I think **Jackmanii’s** idea is the best, though. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/16 "2005-01-18T01:10:16Z")
Whatever happened to the classic, “I’m with Stupid ----------\>”? ---
**Author:** ![Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Horrifying\_Howler\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horrifying_Howler_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/17 "2005-01-18T01:10:41Z")
**Where are my pistachios?** ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/18 "2005-01-18T01:24:39Z")
He’s going to be in my town in July to protest my mayor, who is gay. The mayor’s nephew lives at my house so I get all the details (including a copy of his complete assholeish letter requesting space for his hate group). I’ll be first in line to flip him off. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/19 "2005-01-18T01:35:24Z")
You could try throwing the bible back at them: > [@](#): > > Mat 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. or [quote] Matthew 7:1-5 “Do not judge lest you be judged yourselves… Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” or you could just go with something like “Don’t worry Fred, no man wants you anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/20 "2005-01-18T01:36:10Z")
Offer them coffee and hold this sign: “Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252.md?page=2)