# Fred Phelps is coming to town - I need a sign **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 17, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252 "2005-01-17T22:30:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/21 "2005-01-18T01:37:48Z")
You could try throwing the bible back at them: > [@](#): > > Mat 7:15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. or > [@](#): > > Matthew 7:1-5 “Do not judge lest you be judged yourselves… Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” or you could just go with something like “Don’t worry Fred, no man wants you anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/22 "2005-01-18T02:06:00Z")
**God Hates Fred** ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/23 "2005-01-18T03:00:47Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > It’s probably hopeless to expect this, but the ideal situation would be Fred and a handful of his followers huddled together outside a local church in the snow, freezing their buns off, while absolutely no one pays attention. Ah, yes, one of my fondest memories. Just a few years back, I was driving near Texas Stadium just before a big Billy Graham revival thingamajig. And there I saw, just on the other side of the intersection I was stopped at, a gaggle of Phelpses huddled under their umbrellas in the driving Texas winter rain, holding signs condemning ol’ Billy to Hell for not hating gays. When I saw the big puddle just past them, I just couldn’t help myself. When the light turned green, I accelerated slowly past them into the puddle, hit it coasting in neutral, then revved the engine and popped the clutch as I hit the middle of it. Nailed it-half the puddle rapidly relocated to the area of the protesters. I might have felt more guilty pleasure having sexual intercourse with a prostitute. Or maybe not. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/24 "2005-01-18T03:05:39Z")
> [@whistlepig](#): > > Fred Phelps is coming to town - I need a sign > > Any suggestions? What you need is a grenade launcher. Google up, “Army Surplus.” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/25 "2005-01-18T03:28:36Z")
**whistlepig** , you mentioned standing, with your sign, _amongst the Phelps clan_. Please, please, this is not a good idea. Take it from someone who has participated in many a counter protest against Phred. I live in Topeka, and even got mention by him in a fax, (many years ago, in the tiny print, along with several others.) These people are not only bigoted, they are extremely violent. They once attacked the pastor of the church I was attending at the time, coming onto church property to do so. When a jogger tried to jog through them, they “took him down”. Take heart, they may not actually show up. About half the time, when they schedule out of town protests, they are no-shows. They think it looks good to have a “full schedule”, and just getting locals riled up, like in Helena, makes the Felps Klan look good(in their eyes). As to the sign, no more than three or four words. Large block letters. It’s really the most people can take in while driving by. One that had a couple of variations in Topeka, several years back: **LOVE SPEAKS LOUDER** See, it’s fun to insult Fred and the WBC, but why lower yourself to their level? Humor is better than hate. I’m female and heterosexual, but once, when a female friend and I had to cross the street, in their sight(they were on opposite corner yelling at us) we linked arms and acted all kissy face with each other, and didn’t even look at them. Made them scream even more. ---
**Author:** ![Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/26 "2005-01-18T03:35:42Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I’m female and heterosexual, but once, when a female friend and I had to cross the street, in their sight(they were on opposite corner yelling at us) we linked arms and acted all kissy face with each other, and didn’t even look at them. Made them scream even more. Which touches on the theme I would suggest: “You know you want to kiss me, you little slut” :wally Include the Wally. That way we’ll recognize you on the teevee. ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/27 "2005-01-18T04:34:58Z")
I’m still waiting for someone to do: **God Hates Fags** …with a circle/slash over a picture of a cigarette. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/28 "2005-01-18T04:43:09Z")
> [@](#): > > Fred Phelps is coming to town - I need a sign Dude, Fred Phelps coming to town IS a sign! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/29 "2005-01-18T06:18:56Z")
JESUS LOVES YOU in those pants ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/30 "2005-01-18T09:03:50Z")
From John 8:7 - “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Matthew 15:11 - “It is not what enters one’s mouth that defiles that person; but what comes out of the mouth is what defiles one.” From Matthew 22:39 - “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 23:27 - “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hipocrites. You are like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of filth.” (Well, except I’ve never felt that Phelps’ crowd very attractive at all…) Matthew 23:33 - “You serpents, you brood of vipers how can you flee from the judgement of Gehenna?” Matthew 23 is full of other attacks on the Pharisees, and seems a good place to look for more quotes to hit Phelps and his crowd with. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/31 "2005-01-18T09:47:29Z")
**If God hates fags, why does He make so many of them?** (or “us”, depending on your orientation) **Phelps: Biblical cherry-picker** **Fred Phelps is as great a sinner as a gay person, for he has [shaved off the corner of his beard](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Fred_Phelps_10-29-2002.jpg). (Leviticus 21:5)** ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/32 "2005-01-18T13:08:48Z")
Here’s what the Bible says, Fred. Matthew 27:5 and he…went and hanged himself. Luke 10:37 Then said Jesus unto him, Go and do thou likewise. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/33 "2005-01-18T14:28:22Z")
How about **Fred Phelps is a latent homosexual** That ought to chap his ass good. ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/34 "2005-01-19T02:11:45Z")
Howzabout: I hate the haters! or: God is Love! or: He protesteth too much! Frankly, I think that Mr. Felps is having some kind of internal conflict with himself, and probably can’t deal with his closeted feelings. It’s one thing to feel uncomfortable around “otherly lifestyled” people, quite another to follow them around the contenent trying to get noticed… “Let he who is sinless, cast the first stone” might be the best of all signs, but raining frogs would be quite a newstory as well. I second the whole “give them distance, 'cause they are nutso” factor. The best quote I got about him and his gaggle was them being described as “a hate group masquerading as a Christian church.”, and that was from a fairly conservative Christian website. [Linky-Link](http://www.apologeticsindex.org/p00.html#phelps) If you do go protest his shenanigans, bring a friend with a videocamera. In case someting bad happens, you at least have some evidence on your side, or you might make a few bucks from the local news outlet. That’s my two cents. ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/35 "2005-01-19T02:23:05Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > JESUS LOVES YOU > in those pants Funny. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/36 "2005-01-19T02:51:24Z")
“Is it because I’m a lesbian?” Works on a few levels. Especially if a man is holding it. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/37 "2005-01-19T03:05:12Z")
I say go with [God Hates Shrimp](http://www.godhatesshrimp.com). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/38 "2005-01-19T06:05:03Z")
**Jesus Weeps Phor Phred Felps** **Better Dead Than Phred** (ok…maybe not this one) **Phred Phlinstone Felps - Little Caveman Of Hate** **Phree Phread’s Phear Phor Phags** The ‘Ph’ is attention getting… ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/39 "2005-01-19T06:07:15Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > **Phree Phread’s Phear Phor Phags** Argh…that’s **Phred’s** , not **Phread’s** … ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252/40 "2005-01-19T06:52:10Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > **Fred Phelps is as great a sinner as a gay person, for he has [shaved off the corner of his beard](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Fred_Phelps_10-29-2002.jpg). (Leviticus 21:5)** Is it just me, or does Fred look like that dude from the _Poltergeist_ movies? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fred-phelps-is-coming-to-town-i-need-a-sign/285252.md?page=3)