# Free Beer, Naked Women and Men, Donuts, Motorcycles, Whipped Cream, BBQ and Steak

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [August 15, 2000, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487 "2000-08-15T20:41:49Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 5

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/81 "2000-08-17T16:06:46Z")

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Now, now, strut, you should realize that the ONLY reason that I brought up said feathered animal is to show that I am accepting of a number of different sexual practices. I, personally, don’t require anything at all.

\<Looks over, sees body oils, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and scented candles\>

Though…a little variety never hurt. 😉

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**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/82 "2000-08-17T16:13:39Z")

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::slips the monkeys some diazepam so there will be NO fighting::

Now, Soul… why don’t YOU lie back while I express my creativity with this chocolate fondue.

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/83 "2000-08-17T16:22:02Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jester \*  
> \*\*Now, now, strut, you should realize that the ONLY reason that I brought up said feathered animal is to show that I am accepting of a number of different sexual practices. I, personally, don’t require anything at all.
> 
> \<Looks over, sees body oils, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and scented candles\>
> 
> Though…a little variety never hurt. 😉 \*\*

_looks at various items, shrugs_ Okay. Pick whatever you need.

_grabs Jester by the shirtfront_ Um…yep. That’s all I need.

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/84 "2000-08-17T16:27:53Z")

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My, my, my. I suppose we should retire then?

\<Walks over to cabin, opens door, notices passed out monkeys, shuts door\>

Yes, maybe a different room would be necessary.

\<Walks over to Michi\>

Hey, mich, I think you gave the monkeys a bit too many drugs.

\<Yells to weirdave\>

Hey, dave, you got a bunch of dead monkeys on your hands! Sorry, not my fault.

\<turns back to strut\>

Now, I believe there’s some room in the lifeboat, my dear.

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/85 "2000-08-17T16:31:03Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jester \*
> 
> Now, I believe there’s some room in the lifeboat, my dear. \*\*

I can’t resist…So, do you know mouth-to-mouth?

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**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/86 "2000-08-17T16:47:32Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Michi \*  
> [BNow, Soul… why don’t YOU lie back while I express my creativity with this chocolate fondue. \*\*

Fondue me gently dear, I’m a bit sensitive in certain areas.

😃

And if your’e really nice **Michi** , I’ll show you some of my famous tongue tricks involving you and fondue…

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**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/87 "2000-08-17T17:01:53Z")

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Jester, how dare you insult my abilites as a veterinary nurse? I did NOT OD those monkeys. I think maybe they had a few beers when no one was looking.

Soul, don’t worry, I’ll be gentle…hmmm…where to begin, where to begin…

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/88 "2000-08-17T17:08:27Z")

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My most humble of apologies, Mich. Come to think of it, that WAS the room with the extra kegs in it. Oh well, hope you can forgive me.

\<short bow, draws canvas back over lifeboat\>

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/89 "2000-08-17T17:21:01Z")

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So, Jester…is that your buoy or are you just glad to see me? _winks_

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**Author:** ![inoci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/50afbb/32.png) [@inoci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inoci)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/90 "2000-08-17T17:23:35Z")

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er. michi, jester, i think i can clear up this monkey thing. i was on my way to start my whipped cream masterpiece upon Falcon’s bum, and i noticed that hte monkeys were a little, well, inactive. i shot them all up with some speed i found in wierddave’s medicine cabinet.  
i think there may have been an odd tranq/stimm reaction. but if it helps, they aren’t dead, only really, really comatose.

i would like to take this opportunity to present my latest sculpture. upon Falcon’s sweet buttock you can see it. yes ladies, gentlemen, and others, it is caeser from planet of the apes. i felt it was a fitting tribute to the mostly dead monkeys in cabin 14.  
Falcon, i’m sorry you can’t see it due to the position its in, but we’ll take a picture for you. besides, you seemed to like the creation process enough…

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/91 "2000-08-17T18:01:32Z")

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I feel I should, once again, remind Dave just how much ass his party kicks. Congrats, man!

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**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/92 "2000-08-17T19:53:53Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> wierddave, i found this strange object in a box in the port hold with your name on it.

Uh…Thats a marital aid, steam cleaner, drink mixer and bison repellent that doubles as a starter for a '59 Ford.  
I have sent the monkeys to a vet clinic on the mainland. They’re, Ok, just hung way the fuck over. One of them is actually speaking…" Never again…never again…" Glad y’all are having fun. Now, I think it’s time I licked this ugly sculpture off Falc’s butt. C’mere little bird lady!

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**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/93 "2000-08-17T20:13:21Z")

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Hey, Weird, great idea! Mind if I catch a few rays on deck?

_kicks back with a good book, and wearing nothing but SPF 15_

Oh, and could someone toss me a donut?

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**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/94 "2000-08-17T20:17:06Z")

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Chronos is one goal, who wants to be the other?

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/95 "2000-08-17T20:21:10Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Chronos \*  
> \*\*Hey, Weird, great idea! Mind if I catch a few rays on deck?
> 
> _kicks back with a good book, and wearing nothing but SPF 15_
> 
> Oh, and could someone toss me a donut? \*\*

_must manually lift dropped jaw_ Donut? You’re gonna need a life preserver for THAT.

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/96 "2000-08-17T20:30:30Z")

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Etu, Strute?

\<looks up, notices dave licking falcon clean, and an entourage of naked ladies\>

Uhmmmm…ItsalrightIforgiveyou!

Hey, guys! Wait for me!

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/97 "2000-08-17T20:34:17Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jester \*  
> \*\*Etu, Strute?
> 
> \<looks up, notices dave licking falcon clean, and an entourage of naked ladies\>
> 
> Uhmmmm…ItsalrightIforgiveyou!
> 
> Hey, guys! Wait for me! \*\*

Ooops. Sorry. I guess I was distracted. Now, before you leave me for some lovely, nubile thing…could you show me again where you place your hands during CPR?

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/98 "2000-08-17T20:43:27Z")

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\<Runs back from all the way across the boat\>

Why, of course. See, it’s not really a matter of position, but PRESSURE. Allow me to demonstrate…

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**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/99 "2000-08-17T20:48:19Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jester \*  
> \*\*\<Runs back from all the way across the boat\>
> 
> Why, of course. See, it’s not really a matter of position, but PRESSURE. Allow me to demonstrate… \*\*

Please…please do…

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 17, 2000, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/free-beer-naked-women-and-men-donuts-motorcycles-whipped-cream-bbq-and-steak/29487/100 "2000-08-17T20:55:44Z")

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Well, we’re in luck, cause now that the monkeys are gone, the cabin’s open. Wanna be MY skipper?

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