if prudent free ranging wasn’t allowed then i never would have gotten to kindergarten, grade school or the library.
i would of been pissed and kick someone in the ankle.
I pretty much just had to let my mom know where I was going. Made a lot more sense than the nonsense going on today.
Constantly making kids afraid of largely imaginary threats - only 200 kids a year are kidnapped by strangers in the US which had 330 million people - is one of the reasons why kids have much higher levels of anxiety than children in previous generations did. I can easily see why this witnessed exchange upset the OP.
I’d argue the opposite. No parent thinks they’re a helicopter parent. All parents think that they’re exercising “prudent controls”. The only difference between helicopter and non-helicopter parents is how far those prudent controls go.
Almost no parent today, even those who consider themselves free range, give kids as much latitude as the average parent did 30 years ago. This is despite the risk of any harm happening to a kid being objectively lower. I’d argue you can’t label yourself as a free range parent, prudent controls or not if you’re not at least at the median level of control from when you were growing up.
So frightening children with stories that everyone is out to abduct them (basically threatening them) is good parenting in your world? Mental abuse is still abuse. I made sure that my children were cautious about the world, but not afraid to be in it.
Totally. Very few parents will admit to being a “helicopter parent”. Which makes the term rather useless for a self-identification poll.
Almost no parent today, even those who consider themselves free range, give kids as much latitude as the average parent did 30 years ago. This is despite the risk of any harm happening to a kid being objectively lower. I’d argue you can’t label yourself as a free range parent, prudent controls or not if you’re not at least at the median level of control from when you were growing up.
(bolding mine) Here’s the thing I keep tripping over, though. Yes, child abductions, murders, even fistfights on the playground have gone way done. No question about it, it’s just numbers, and that’s as objective a fact as you can get. However…couldn’t that be because there are far fewer unsupervised kids out there? In other words, maybe the overprotectiveness is working? I hate to even say it, because I hate the way the world’s become, but…maybe it’s working at keeping our kids unharmed, as evidenced by the reduction in crimes against unsupervised children.
Violent crime is down across the board. So it makes sense that crimes against children would also be down.
But I wouldn’t be surprised if kids are safer today not (just) because of helicoptering, but because their lives are so structured. More structure = less time to be shooting themselves in the eye with BB guns and falling into wells. Or being molested by the next door neighbor.
Also, maybe the sociopathic kids who brutalized everyone on the playground after school are now being playing shoot 'em video games instead. There’s more fun stuff to do “indoors” than there was back in the day.
I selected Free Range with Prudent Controls, bearing in mind that one person’s prudent controls is another person’s helicopter parenting.
My parents were quite strict but that included “go outside and play!”. So since I was about 6 or 7 years old I and my friends were outside and on our own.
I would like to think that if I was a parent I would (in the good ways) give my kids the freedoms that I had. My public school was about a 10 minute walk away. Then I had Jr. High (or middle school or whatever) had a school bus but I often rode a bike there - about five km. Two years later I was in the High School across the road and I often biked or walked there. I’m not sure that what I (and everybody else) did would be permissible now, unfortunately.
There was one summer (sometime around grade 4) where a bunch of us broke arms and legs falling out of trees and other such things. This wasn’t seen as some sort of catastrophe; it was just one of those things that happened to kids back then.
It seems that everybody is driven to school by their parents now, which was unimaginable back in the 70s, even though, apparently, it’s safer now.
My wife (yes it’s one sample only) has a friend who has driven her daughter to school every day, from kindergarten to high school, as well as all activities. This kid has never taken a bus and doesn’t know how. This poor kid is going to have a hard time functioning independently. I don’t know how representative this is but in the las 20 some years I’ve seen, at schools, line ups of SUVs dropping off or picking up the little precious babies.
Studies have been done which show the overwhelming contributing factor has been the larger trend in a reduction of all crimes. All of the attempts at helicopter parenting have made little, and perhaps even no impact on child safety. There’s strong evidence to suggest that when children feel safer, they compensate by doing riskier things which keep the danger level roughly the same.
For example,
Yay! Thank you! I’ll stop second guessing myself, then. 
Except that is NOT mental abuse. That is teaching your kids caution and not to immediately trust strangers. Which you will not convince me is a bad idea.
Stranger abduction is vanishingly rare, about 100 per year, which puts it on par with being struck by lightning. It’s far more likely that something good will happen as a result of trusting strangers than something bad. There’s cases of kids getting lost and then being so afraid of strangers that they’ll avoid all contact, like a utah boy scout who was lost for 4 days because he hid from rescuers.
If anything, you should teach your kids to be cautious of family members as they are far more likely to abduct and abuse your kids.
It depends on the kid. Many children have autism or other developmental issues and have to be watched constantly - so helicopter.
As they grow older I still say helicopter but with some type of remote viewing.
My mother managed to helicopter parent her way into creating two really bizarrely dysfunctional siblings for me.
On a superficial level, they seem like really successful adults. My sister is 32 and earned a doctorate in her field. My brother is 24, went to a prestigious private college and has a great job as an engineer.
If you spent any time with my family though, the first thing you’d notice is that my mom has a really strange lack of parental boundaries. It’s like she has no awareness that a parent’s relationship with her adult children should evolve and mature.
For example, my brother travels often for work. Anytime there’s even a hint of inclement weather, she’ll call me and frankly the whole family to discuss it. We all react the same, which is “We sure hope his travel isn’t delayed, but why are you acting like this concerns you?” She’s not just a little worried, like plenty of moms would be. She approaches it like he’s 12 years old, about to leave for Space Camp, and she needs to make a decision as his mother whether it’s safe to travel.
She does the same with my sister who, again, is in her 30s.
If you really got to know us as a family though, you realize my brother and sister are weirdly dysfunctional. They’re clearly very intelligent and it seems self-evident that their careers require them to make plans and decisions, but they don’t apply that ability to planning or decision making in their personal lives. It’s hard to define… but unmistakable that something’s up.
What really doesn’t make sense is how I turned out so normal.
My brother and sister in law have forbidden any “play visits” between their eldest and one of said eldest’s friends because OMG the mother let them get out of her sight to enter a store whose only door was within direct sight, to buy some trading cards.
The boys are 10. The store in question is fourth-generation ownership: it has sold candy, trading cards, plastic beads… for at least 90 years. The owner knows every customer by name.
The same brother and sister in law have no problem letting their son out of sight for hours so long as they’re in the tiny village her father was from. Apparently that particular place is safe, never mind that more than half the houses are ruinous. The place looks like the adobe version of Detroit’s worst neighborhoods.
I have a problem with treating a smart 10yo as if he was an imbecile, but also with the complete lack of logic these two display.
Just to play Devil’s advocate…but there are a ton of dysfunctional people who were raised “free range”…and who might be a lot better off if they had had parents who cared more. I don’t think it’s any big surprise that the extremes on both sides are associated with dysfunctionality.
This. It’s sort of like making a poll on which style of parenting you prefer - attentive or neglectful.
My sister-in-law didn’t want to let her 17-year-old son ride his bike from my dad’s house to the kid’s high school.
2/3 of the ride is through a gated country club subdivision where everyone knows everyone else. The remaining 1/3 is still a good area, and is chock-full of kids *also *on the way to school.
:smack:
This is our situation- where the helicopter tendencies emerge. But I still selected Free range with prudent controls.
Oldest (19 now) I think I overreacted when raising him as a single mom and scared the bejeezus about being safe (we lived with my parents so he was surrounded by adults) and from that point forward he has had a streak of neurosis. He used to panic around his cousins when playing outside. If a ball bounced out into the street, he would have a meltdown if any of them got off the sidewalk to retrieve it. He was about 6. I saw that freak out and felt intense guilt. Its calmed down since then but he approaches many situations now with extreme caution.
His younger twin brother and sister were lucky to have been diapered at all. I relaxed with them. The boy is moderately autistic and mostly non verbal. The girl is neuro typical, naïve and trusting. We all had to team up to watch my son because he was always a flight risk and wouldn’t be able to ask for help or tell anyone that he was kidnapped or being abused. I lived in terror with losing him. Now they are 16, and daughter is well adjusted and anyone who would want to kidnap the boy, would probably get the crap beat out of them by him as he has become physically aggressive (I jest- I wouldn’t let anyone kidnap him!)
Community-Communicate- know where you live, who you live around and you all can have a better sense of safety.
Before we get too nostalgic for Huck Finn laissez faire parenting, bear in mind it wasn’t extended to girls. And parents who were worried that their boys were a bit on the effeminate side were sheltered too, lest they become “developed” in the wrong direction.