# FriarTed - you fucking hypocrite **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 6, 2008, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024 "2008-12-06T18:44:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/121 "2008-12-08T21:30:04Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > But I gotta say, if I managed to concede arguments to both **Diogenes** and **Shodan** (no offense to either of them, BTW) within the space of 30 or so posts AND totally bungle my pitting so badly that people are coming in to laugh me, maybe it’s time to put down the crack pipe. Whoah there skippy - I didn’t concede anything to **Dio** and I certainly didn’t to **Shodan** who was being his usual moronic self, making statements that aren’t the case as he does. I invited him to tell me why I’m so morally bankrupt and his answer was effectively “you just are”, hardly a crushing argument. As for the (continuing) references to my religion, you can laugh all you want. Once again: I don’t care. If making Vampire/Satan jokes is working for you by all means go ahead, but it doesn’t bother me. If you’re waiting for some kind of apoplectic explosion of religiously-inspired self righteousness I wouldn’t hold your breath. Furthermore if people want to pit me for anything I’ve said here (rather than simply leaving drive-by “hah, you Vampire!” posts) then they’re free to do so. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/122 "2008-12-08T21:37:04Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > “hah, you Vampire!” posts They do kind of write themselves, eh? -Finn Knight of the Sacred Pegasus ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/123 "2008-12-08T21:39:45Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > If making Vampire/Satan jokes is working for you by all means go ahead… Thanks! We will do that. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/124 "2008-12-08T21:43:14Z")
The first rule of Vampire Club is _you do not talk about Vampire Club!_ ---
**Author:** ![CircleofWillis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/54ee81/32.png) [@CircleofWillis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CircleofWillis)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/125 "2008-12-08T21:45:20Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > If making Vampire/Satan jokes is working for you by all means go ahead, Sweet, How many vampires does it take to change a light bulb? Dunno, it’s never been done and the pile of ashes below is getting huge. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/126 "2008-12-08T21:48:40Z")
> [@CircleofWillis](#): > > Sweet, How many vampires does it take to change a light bulb? Dunno, it’s never been done and the pile of ashes below is getting huge. Only sunlight causes them to turn to ash. So unless the light bulb they are trying to change is near an open window, your statement is absolutely ludicrous. ---
**Author:** ![CircleofWillis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/54ee81/32.png) [@CircleofWillis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CircleofWillis)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/127 "2008-12-08T21:49:41Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > Only sunlight causes them to turn to ash. So unless the light bulb they are trying to change is near an open window, your statement is absolutely ludicrous. Yes because in the science of Vampirism, it is imperative to be completely scientifically accurate… specially when telling a “Light bulb” joke. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/128 "2008-12-08T21:51:50Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > Only sunlight causes them to turn to ash. So unless the light bulb they are trying to change is near an open window, your statement is absolutely ludicrous. [It’s a trap!](http://www.topbulb.com/find/uv.asp) ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/129 "2008-12-08T22:06:08Z")
What do you get when you cross a Vampire/Satanist? Pitted. ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/130 "2008-12-08T22:06:09Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > Only sunlight causes them to turn to ash. So unless the light bulb they are trying to change is near an open window, your statement is absolutely ludicrous. And remember, kids, _Twilight_ vampires don’t even ashify in the sun - they just sparkle! Like diamonds! ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/131 "2008-12-08T22:12:08Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > The first rule of Vampire Club is _you do not talk about Vampire Club!_ This one always cracks me up. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/132 "2008-12-08T22:19:29Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > Only sunlight causes them to turn to ash. So unless the light bulb they are trying to change is near an open window, your statement is absolutely ludicrous. What about the full-spectrum grow lights? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/133 "2008-12-08T22:33:42Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > What about the full-spectrum grow lights? They might get a third degree burn, but they won’t turn to dust. Has to be _natural_ light, because vampires are _unnatural_, ya see. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/134 "2008-12-08T22:38:12Z")
If you burn them up, but you cross the International Date Line _backwards_ at the speed of light, do they come back to unlife? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/135 "2008-12-08T22:38:55Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@SisterCoyote](#): > > > > And remember, kids, _Twilight_ vampires don’t even ashify in the sun - they just sparkle! Like diamonds! Really? That’s very, very lame. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/136 "2008-12-08T22:40:27Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > What about the full-spectrum grow lights? Which reminds me, when vampires get depressed, do they use black light therapy? ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2008, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/137 "2008-12-08T23:59:07Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Really? That’s very, very lame. As they say elsenet, where I learned about the sparkly vampires, “_Twilight_ means never having to say you’re kidding.” It is very, very lame. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2008, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/138 "2008-12-09T00:44:43Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Perhaps that only on the SDMB can a Satanist vampire attempt to claim the moral high ground over a condemnation of a pedophile. > > Regards, > Shodan Every once in a while, sir, you say something that makes me reevaluate your merit… ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/139 "2008-12-09T01:31:38Z")
> [@Yeticus\_Rex](#): > > I’m curious if **Friar Ted** and/or **Dio** has been molested when they were kids or know of kids (family and/or friends) who have been molested by adults (when they were kids). It could explain a lot. Fair question. No, I wasn’t. It wasn’t till college that I made friends who had been. I’m just naturally morally outraged by anyone who preys on the innocent and I think that if God wants us to eradicate any human vermin (and I do), that’s a good place to start… using the judicial system and only legal means, of course. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2008, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024/140 "2008-12-09T06:28:24Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > to eradicate any human vermin ( You do realize how this sort of imagery conforms perfectly to genocidal thinking, don’t you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friarted-you-fucking-hypocrite/476024.md?page=8)