# Friend is picking up the whole tab--but conditions apply. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2015, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569 "2015-12-28T15:59:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/41 "2015-12-29T01:34:32Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > The oddest thing here to me is that the birthday girl is not only buying her own dinner, she’s buying everyone else’s. > > Never been to a B-day party like that before. Seems kind of sad on it’s premise. There’s nothing sad about it at all. You’re throwing/hosting a party for yourself and inviting all your friends to celebrate. Typically, at least when I host a party, whether birthday, baptism, wedding, whatever, I pay for food and drinks. Guests will generally bring some type of host gift along, although they are certainly not required to. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/42 "2015-12-29T01:44:07Z")
Truth is, people who usually only have a beer or two with dinner, when provided with an open bar start ordering rounds of shots for everyone, or switch to imported beer or start drinking cognac. And it only takes one in the bunch to set everyone else on a similar path. Which would leave the hostess in a most awkward position indeed. Better to just lay out the expectations from the get go, in my opinion. And funding your own birthday dinner is commonplace is some cultures, by the way, your experiences and norms notwithstanding! ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/43 "2015-12-29T01:53:13Z")
As a general rule I will not buy alcohol for other people. I’m fine with buying food for other people. If I were hosting an event I’d impose a similar rule. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/44 "2015-12-29T04:07:43Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Am I missing something? Sally’s apparently seen how much free pizza a crowd of drunk people can eat. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/45 "2015-12-29T08:36:10Z")
Free alcohol provided to guests in a restaurant scenario often winds up costing vastly more than the food itself. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/46 "2015-12-29T08:45:35Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Am I missing something? So she’s not running a bar tab? Entirely normal. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/47 "2015-12-29T16:48:45Z")
I wouldn’t mind paying for my own meal in this case. I’ve been through a number of different birthday scenarios. One friend, “Cece,” had a party in a karaoke restaurant/bar private room. We all paid for our own drinks and meals while eating. We had the cake Cece had brought while in the karaoke room. She also ordered champagne. When we were leaving, she asked everyone to chip in for the rental of the room and for the champagne. We did, although I hadn’t realized she was going to ask. I threw my own milestone birthday party at my house a few months ago, invited 60 people, ended up with 36 guests, had margaritas, tequila, beer, soda, and water available. Others brought bottles of wine as gifts or donated more beer. Nobody got out of control. And most of them were driving. When my friend P. threw her own milestone birthday party a few years ago, she paid for all of us to have hotel rooms, and paid for a harbor cruise including dinner and drinks and dancing. She just wanted to. At the upcoming party for Sally, here is what I imagine will happen with us ladies: Sally won’t drink. Neither will her friends K or L, because they are all non-drinkers. Sally’s friend D might have one drink, probably wine. Our mutual friend P will have a glass of wine, maybe two at most, and she will have a couple slice of pizza. (The cornmeal crust pizza slices at this place are fairly big and filling.) I will nurse one bottle of beer while eating a hearty salad, as I’m not a fan of thick cornmeal crust pizza. There are no cocktails served at said pizza place. Then we will all head back to Sally’s house, in our cars, for some dessert. And who knows, she may serve wine and ale there which she would have bought at Trader Joe’s. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/48 "2015-12-29T17:00:38Z")
Regardless of what all you and your other friends have done in the past, the “pay for drinks” arrangement is not unusual, as stated in this thread. It seems like you think your friend Sally is cheap. Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t, maybe there’s some other reason she doesn’t want to pay for drinks, but what she’s proposed is well within normal social expectations, at least around here. I wouldn’t personally set it up that way, but I wouldn’t think twice if any of my friends did it that way (and it has been done this way in the past.) ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2015, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/49 "2015-12-29T17:05:35Z")
Why are you so unwilling to believe that booze adds up and she doesn’t want to pay for it? Even cheap drinks among multiple people getting multiple rounds can easily exceed her budget. That was my first thought when reading the thread. It’s not at all uncommon. ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/50 "2015-12-31T06:45:59Z")
Seems perfectly normal to me. I’d be ok paying two to three dollars for everyone’s soft drinks, but not five to ten dollars for everyone’s beer and wine. Six people at $3 per drink (for soft drinks), two drinks per person is $36. It becomes almost $60 if everyone gets a beer, more for wine. Even based on what you say everyone will most likely drink, based on prices on the menu, you are looking at something close $50. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/51 "2015-12-31T07:02:52Z")
We we have a party, no alcohol is served. I don’t like being around people when they get drunk. It ruins the party and the longer they are there the worse it gets. Hey, you can’t donate money to MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) and then let people get drunk at your party and send them on their way to drive driving while intoxicated. Consider having a party without alcohol. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/52 "2015-12-31T20:34:48Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Why are you so unwilling to believe that booze adds up and she doesn’t want to pay for it? Even cheap drinks among multiple people getting multiple rounds can easily exceed her budget. That was my first thought when reading the thread. It’s not at all uncommon. Yeah this. Two pizzas and soda for six people say $40. Add two beers for each people at $4.50 is $54. So what was a $40 hangout with friends becomes $94. To me $40 is reasonable $94 is not. I know that’s not the OPs exact situation so I exaggerated to make the point clear. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/53 "2015-12-31T21:04:00Z")
She’s limiting it to beer and wine, which is reasonable; another way is just to put a cap of however much she feels like shouting on the bar. I’m not getting why this is a difficult concept: she’s shouting her friends pizza and a couple of beers, she’s not offering to get everyone blue blind paralytic drunk with the stupid cocktails of their choice at her expense. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/54 "2015-12-31T21:43:24Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > She’s limiting it to beer and wine, which is reasonable; another way is just to put a cap of however much she feels like \*\*shouting \*\*on the bar. I’m not getting why this is a difficult concept: she’s **shouting** her friends pizza and a couple of beers, she’s not offering to get everyone blue blind paralytic drunk with the stupid cocktails of their choice at her expense. I’ve never heard this word used this way before. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/55 "2015-12-31T21:53:39Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > I’ve never heard this word used this way before. 😕 Kiwi idiom. “My shout” means “I’m buying”. I’ll shout you a beer. ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/56 "2015-12-31T21:58:02Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Kiwi idiom. “My shout” means “I’m buying”. I’ll shout you a beer. Ok that makes me feel better. I thought maybe it was an age thing. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/57 "2015-12-31T22:12:50Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Ok that makes me feel better. I thought maybe it was an age thing. Box of fluffies. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/58 "2015-12-31T22:21:19Z")
> [@edwardcoast](#): > > We we have a party, no alcohol is served. I don’t like being around people when they get drunk. It ruins the party and the longer they are there the worse it gets. I get the opposite impression from the OP. It could be she knows her friends will limit their booze intake if they know she’s paying for it, out of respect for her budget. By telling them upfront she isn’t picking up the beer tab, she’s giving them permission to indulge as much as they want (on their own dime of course). In other words, party freely. It isn’t odd when you think of it that way. Especially since she’s already paying for the pizza on her own birthday! ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/59 "2015-12-31T23:23:10Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Box of fluffies. Shot, bro! ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2015, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569/60 "2015-12-31T23:31:46Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Shot, bro! Chur. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-is-picking-up-the-whole-tab-but-conditions-apply/741569.md?page=4)