# Friend met an online girlfriend. What's the probability it is legit?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 30, 2022, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599 "2022-08-30T13:08:09Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/21 "2022-08-30T14:33:33Z")
> [@carrps](#):
>
> My best friend met her husband (they’ve been married over 20 yrs now) on Craigs List.
If you’re going somewhere online for the specific purpose of meeting people, the odds of it being a scam drop, but they don’t drop to anywhere near zero. But I suspect that the farther away the person is physically, the greater the chance that it’s a scam.
Online dating with people in town? Probably legit, but a decent chance it’s prostitution. The neighboring city? Less likely to be legit. Another state/province? I might believe I’m/they’re worth driving to meet, but not flying, no way. Another country? 99.9999% scam. The only benefit I could offer that would be worth flying to another country is the aforementioned (Canadian equivalent to) a “green card”.
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### Author:  [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/22 "2022-08-30T14:35:22Z")
**Crafter\_Man** , you need to volunteer to go with him to the Philipines.
To keep him safe, sure, but that’s secondary to chronicling every little inadvertently-hilarious stumble in “Steve’s” quest for true love.
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### Author:  [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/23 "2022-08-30T14:42:41Z")
Just about every series of 90 Day Fiance has a man meeting a woman from the Philippines. Right now there’s 2 Philippina women on the UK version of the show. The women always do come over to meet the men (of course, they’re on the show) and about half the time it works out. They get married and have kids. Half the time the women are like “Oh god, this man is horrible, I’m much happier in the Philippines,” and they go back or find a way to stay in the US and become an influencer. A few times we get to see the men visit their home villages and hilarity ensues.
My karate instructor married a woman from the Philippines. I don’t remember if he met her online or if he went there but I’m pretty sure he was specifically looking for a Philippina wife. I don’t know their current status but they were married quite a while, with a few kids (she is his second wife). I also recall he was pressuring another instructor at the school to travel with them to the island specifically to find a wife.
I think there’s a 50/50 chance your friend could be getting scammed, as with any online love scheme. On the 50 percent chance it’s not a scam, there’s a very good chance that his girlfriend is more into the idea of getting family financial help and coming to America than she is into the idea of loving him. But if they’re happy with that arrangement and they treat each other with respect…whatever float their boats.
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### Author:  [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/24 "2022-08-30T14:43:21Z")
> [@carrps](#):
>
> My best friend met her husband (they’ve been married over 20 yrs now) on Craigs List. She never told her parents – they’re conservative Chinese immigrants – they wouldn’t have understood.
My husband and I met on Fidonet in 1994. We’ve been married since 1995.
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### Author:  [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/25 "2022-08-30T14:45:54Z")
Strictly anecdotal: my brother signed up for a dating site after his divorce, and forgot to limit his contacts to his region. So soon enough he’s getting messages from a Filipina woman. They text, they FaceTime, they fall in love. My brother went to Manila and had a grand ol’ time with Mae and her family, they went to a popular island together for some alone time, yada yada yada. She has a good job (by Philippine standards) and refused multiple times for him to pay for dinner, watercraft rental, etc. Long story short, she’s legit.
Yes, yes, the plural of anecdote is not data.
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### Author:  [@flurb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flurb)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/26 "2022-08-30T14:50:48Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#):
>
> Even though I don’t agree with his (delusional) conspiracy theories, I would hate for him to be scammed like this. Not sure what to say to him at this point.
Honestly, there’s nothing you can say – particularly if he’s already sliding down the QAnon rabbit hole. If YOU bring up that it may be a scam, he’s just going to get defensive. However, if HE expresses doubts about the relationship, then you might have an opening to gently prod him to think through his situation.
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### Author:  [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/27 "2022-08-30T14:55:32Z")
I know a guy who decided that his “value” on the dating market was higher on Asia than in the US, and intentionally went about looking for a wife from the Philippines. This was about a decade ago, now. He met a woman through an on-line dating service, they corresponded for a while. I think he went over there to meet her. And they decided to marry
Anyway, it wasn’t a scam, although I’m sure the dating service charged a hefty fee. They married in the US, and until i dropped off Facebook about a year ago, he was still posting about his life with her, and seemed pretty happy with the whole deal.
I’m sure there are any number of scams out there. But basically, the difference between social expectations of how husbands treat wives in the US vs. the Philippines is so high that he (a fat, balding, conservative guy) really was much more attractive as a husband to women from the Philippines than to American women. He scored a hot younger woman with a medical degree, which seems to have been what he was looking for.
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### Author:  [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/28 "2022-08-30T15:00:45Z")
Data point of one, but my buddy met a Filipino woman online and they have been happily married for seven years. She moved to the U.S. and they have traveled to the Philippines a couple of times.
mmm
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### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/29 "2022-08-30T15:23:27Z")
> [@Horatius](#):
>
> Online dating with people in town? Probably legit, but a decent chance it’s prostitution.
Bullshit. Have you ever online dated? Since my divorce in 2005 I have met more women online (okcupid, match, craigslist dating, bumble, tinder) than you would probably believe. There were a small few matches on bumble or tinder who claimed to be prostitutes in early messages (they probably weren’t even that and it was a scam where they asked for a deposit or something) but effectively all of them were actual local women looking to date or hook up.
The Philippines thing though, very likely to be some kind of scam. There may be some legit dating services out there to connect Americans with foreign women but I wouldn’t trust any of them.
Sort of related, one of my favorite all time SDMB threads is linked below. It’s long but you only need to read the posts by the OP to enjoy it.
> [@Mail order bride & sour honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mail-order-bride-sour-honey/202547):
>
> So I’m a dumbass: There’s this Nice Young Man\*\*[sup]TM\*\*[/sup] (Let’s call him Bubba)in my community that makes his living off of bees. That’s right, he’s a professional beekeeper. Now in the beekeeping business, income is seasonal and prices can vary widely from month to month. So three months ago Bubba approaches me and says he’s tapped out but he’s got plenty of honey to sell as soon as the price goes up. In the meantime, Bubba can’t pay his light bill, or get gasoline to travel around and …
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### Author:  [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/30 "2022-08-30T15:35:33Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#):
>
> About 3-5 years ago we had a Doper who had a “GF” in the Philippines. Who launched a thread about his great good fortune in meeting this chick online, how they’d grown close over the last months despite the distance, and how he was going to go over there and meet up with her.
**Drachillix.** He went, had a wonderful time, and was still “dating” her a month after his visit.
> [@Drachillix leves North America for the first time.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/drachillix-leves-north-america-for-the-first-time/717306):
>
> 30 days and counting. 2 days in Manila 5 days on Palawan 4 days on Boracay Head Home Yes I am meeting someone over there.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/31 "2022-08-30T15:46:45Z")
> [@](#):
>
> The Philippines is really a paradise.
Um… if it’s such a paradise why do so many Philippinos seem to want to move somewhere else in the world?
I’m sure there are some good things about the country. I am equally sure there are some bad things about it, too.
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### Author:  [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/32 "2022-08-30T15:58:18Z")
> [@Horatius](#):
>
> If you’re going somewhere online for the specific purpose of meeting people, the odds of it being a scam drop, but they don’t drop to anywhere near zero. But I suspect that the farther away the person is physically, the greater the chance that it’s a scam
Yeah, they were in the same city, and had a f2f ina neutral space fairly early on.
> [@LSLGuy](#):
>
> More like “It’s a cheap place to live where Men are Kings and women are their slaves.”
It’s so funny because all the Philippino men I’ve know have been super laid back, and the women were all the go-getters. Maybe they moved here because of that?
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### Author:  [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/33 "2022-08-30T16:11:53Z")
> [@hajario](#):
>
> > [@Horatius](#):
> >
> > Online dating with people in town? Probably legit, but a decent chance it’s prostitution.
>
> Bullshit. Have you ever online dated? Since my divorce in 2005 I have met more women online (okcupid, match, craigslist dating, bumble, tinder) than you would probably believe. There were a small few matches on bumble or tinder who claimed to be prostitutes in early messages (they probably weren’t even that and it was a scam where they asked for a deposit or something) but effectively all of them were actual local women looking to date or hook up.
>
> The Philippines thing though, very likely to be some kind of scam. There may be some legit dating services out there to connect Americans with foreign women but I wouldn’t trust any of them.
>
> Sort of related, one of my favorite all time SDMB threads is linked below. It’s long but you only need to read the posts by the OP to enjoy it.
>
> [Mail order bride & sour honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mail-order-bride-sour-honey/202547)
Yeah I did online dating for quite a while and not one was a prostitute. There were some scams that were obvious immediately but none were actual women that you could meet to pay for sex. Every one where there was a possibility to meet it was a real woman who wanted to date or at least hook up. Quite frankly there are much easier ways to make a purely financial transaction than trying to do it on a legit dating site. Doesn’t make much sense to do it that way.
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### Author:  [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/34 "2022-08-30T16:19:57Z")
> [@hajario](#):
>
> The Philippines thing though, very likely to be some kind of scam. There may be some legit dating services out there to connect Americans with foreign women but I wouldn’t trust any of them.
My thought exactly. I’ve always considered all those “foreign brides” sites scams.
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### Author:  [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/35 "2022-08-30T16:37:54Z")
As several others have noted above, there is a possibility it is legit, although the dynamic involved is quite possibly distasteful to many of us. **ZipperJJ** already said it well:
> [@ZipperJJ](#):
>
> there’s a very good chance that his girlfriend is more into the idea of getting family financial help and coming to America than she is into the idea of loving him. But if they’re happy with that arrangement and they treat each other with respect…whatever float their boats.
Living in Indonesia for a long time, I encountered these sorts of couples more than once. It’s not the sort of relationship I would want to be in, but if it is agreeable to both people, it can work out okay.
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### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/36 "2022-08-30T17:27:54Z")
I spent a lot of time in Asia in the 90s and a lot of times if works really well and a lot of times the women are abused and it’s disgusting and a lot of times these socially awkward male engineers are suddenly getting tons of female attention and get scammed. It can get crazy.
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### Author:  [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/37 "2022-08-30T17:33:24Z")
> [@Charlie\_Tan](#):
>
> Even if legit, why would she be interested in an over weight 50+ schlub? Green card, of course. To him, that might be worth it as a trade, but love it ain’t.
Sort of reminds me of back in the 80s - pac fleet marines wanting to bring home that wonderful woman they met at the bars outside base … the local barracks had photo albums of all these ‘nice women’ going airtight with 3 jarheads …
See, hookers [well and normal women] tried to hook up with military guys for that precious green card. I would be really nervous about being scammed by Philipinas.
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### Author:  [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/38 "2022-08-30T17:35:26Z")
> [@Loach](#):
>
> Yeah I did online dating for quite a while and not one was a prostitute.
Well, my experiences were a long time ago, and probably in a different city. But I’d say half the response I ever got were professionals. Maybe it’s just me?
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/39 "2022-08-30T17:38:17Z")
Maybe the sites you were using? Almost everybody I know has done some degree of online dating and I don’t know of any prostitute stories. I’ve been out with maybe a dozen women from these sites (including my wife) and never had any issues. (I am from the pre-Tinder/Bumble days, though, mostly Match and OK Cupid.)
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### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [August 30, 2022, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-met-an-online-girlfriend-whats-the-probability-it-is-legit/970599/40 "2022-08-30T17:43:17Z")
> [@aruvqan](#):
>
> See, hookers [well and normal women] tried to hook up with military guys for that precious green card. I would be really nervous about being scammed by Philipinas.
It is (or was anyway) an actual industry. INS cracked down hard on that for a while to make sure that the marriage was legitimate. A former co-worker of mine was an engineer on a two year assignment in the Philippines. He met a woman there who had a regular office job and they started dating. He was advised to start documenting every aspect of their relationship just in case.
He did marry her near the end of his stay and he showed Immigration a huge photo album with two years of pictures and receipts from the dinners out and weekends away to prove that it was legit. When I knew him they had been married for a few years and had new baby.
> [@Horatius](#):
>
> Well, my experiences were a long time ago, and probably in a different city. But I’d say half the response I ever got were professionals. Maybe it’s just me?
Maybe you have that look. 🙂 In seriousness, what site did you use? I know a lot of people who have done a ton of online dating and I have never heard of this being a major problem.
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