# Friend talkin \*\*\*\* about my daughter **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2011, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131 "2011-01-02T09:53:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/41 "2011-01-03T02:14:10Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > This is exactly my first reaction on reading this thread. I kept thinking, I must be missing something, because there is no way a normal father would do that! Not even mine who was something of a loudmouth jerk. Me too. I kept trying to imagine myself having that conversation with my dad. I don’t think my parents would be friends with a 22 year old, though. And even if they were and someone did say that, I really doubt my father would go out of his way to tell me. Especially if I were sixteen at the time… ---
**Author:** ![OldnCrinkly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OldnCrinkly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldnCrinkly)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/42 "2011-01-03T04:40:04Z")
So Claude, this guy, is he your friend, or maybe your connection? I can not imagine any man actually keeping a friend around for you know, shits and giggles, who did that. There has to be more to this story. Normal forty year old men don’t just hang out with twenty two year olds. ---
**Author:** ![scratch\_llll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@scratch\_llll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch_llll)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/43 "2011-01-03T05:13:55Z")
Connection was my first thought as well. Holy hell people, this is my second day here and I’m disgusted, disturbed, afraid, indignant, and I want to punch somebody all over one thread. Go easy eh? Even knowing Claudes chickens (or chicken hawks) are coming home to roost I still want to warn him not to take threats to his daughter lightly and to pick better company for her sake. Nothing, not your life or anyone elses, is as important as your children. A father is the bulwark of protection against the world. Take that seriously and if neccessary impart that wisdom however pointedly need be against any who make the mistake of thinking you don’t. I have never found it difficult to explain the utter woe which will befall any who mistake that. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Jay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b77776/32.png) [@The\_Jay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Jay)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/44 "2011-01-03T06:14:45Z")
Connection? Connection to what? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/45 "2011-01-03T06:16:21Z")
> [@The\_Jay](#): > > Connection? Connection to what? Drugs. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/46 "2011-01-03T06:29:17Z")
> [@Claude\_Remains](#): > > Last night was bitter-sweet to say the least. I lost my best friend over him running his mouth about wanting to have sex with my underage daughter. I told him that I had let her know about it. He said that he would punch her in the face if she confronted him. I know this is just the short and sweet of it but I want to know what I should do about this. > > I’ve known him for a few years and he has told several girls that he will knock them out every time he gets upset at them, but this is my kid now! I am a big dude but I’m not going to jail over this, and now I’m starting to feel like some kind of punk that should have beat his ass but didn’t. My other friends were there and say that I’m the better man, but I feel like a failure. > > As of now communication is broken clean. ok, let me get this all straight. your 22 year old best friend says he wants to fuck your daughter, and your response is to tell her about it? are you going to pass her a note in study hall that says “do you like [friend], check yes or no”? he then threatens her with _physical violence_, simply for knowing about his comments, and your solution is to ask the internet? and it gets better, he’s apparently made such threats to other girls before, but it’s only now that it’s directed at your kid that the behavior is even a blip on your radar. ever hear of something called a pattern of behavior? it was only a matter of time before he targeted your daughter. there’s a difference between beating the guy to a pulp, possibly winding up in jail, than in, say, letting him know in no uncertain terms to stay the fucking hell away from your kid. i also wonder why(as many others have pointed out) when you’re old enough to have a 16 year old daughter, you have a 22 year old best friend. and why you call the situation “bittersweet”, which usually implies there’s a little bit of good in a sad situation. i don’t really see what the good part of this could be. to sum up: the fuck? and actually, lorene’s link makes it a lot clearer, but i’m curious if you have any answers to these questions. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/47 "2011-01-03T06:44:21Z")
> [@brickbacon](#): > > Please tell me if I not following this correctly. You have a 16-year old daughter, presumably making you close to 40 years old. I don’t mean to minimize the situation, but why are you hanging around a 22-year old? Running your mouth about girls and macho postering, while immature, is often the type of behavior you see/expect from say, a 22-year old. Particularly if he has not actually physically assaulted any of the women he “threatens”, I have to imagine his “threats” are just idle talk from am immature kid. You are the father of a teenager. I would expect you should want to hang out with a more mature group of people closer to your age, and with similar responsibilities and expectations. > > Furthermore, you daughter is 16. She is basically an adult, so you can expect that adult men will likely be attracted to her, and will theoretically want to date her even if she is technically not of legal age. That doesn’t mean your “friend” should disrespect her or you, but it should be noted that him (at 22) being attracted to woman six years his junior is probably less out of the ordinary than a person of your age having a 22-year old as a best friend. Dude, I am 49 and I have friends of all ages, what is the big whoop - it isnt sexual. My husband and I spent a fun vacation with a 20 year old romanian gaming buddy of ours and had a blast, and there was absolutely nothing sexual going on at all. Are you some sort of idiot that thinks that people can’t be friends without some sort of sexual tension involved? I mean, hell Jin is not only young enough to be my son, his Mom is _my_ age. I have friends of my parent’s age, in their 70s and 80s. Is that wrong also? I have friends of all sexes - male - female, gay - straight, bi. People make friends for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps the OP actually worked with the idiot and made friends that way. I made friends with a 19 year old working at my last job, she is into scrapbooking and I had some old magazines that I gave her to cut up and do crap with. I suppose that is sick … me being 49 and 30 years older than she is … but she is one of the few people I remained in contact with after I left. I also remain in contact with a couple of 30 somethings from the same employer … so I am 19ish years older than they are :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/48 "2011-01-03T07:20:52Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Dude, I am 49 and I have friends of all ages, what is the big whoop - it isnt sexual. My husband and I spent a fun vacation with a 20 year old romanian gaming buddy of ours and had a blast, and there was absolutely nothing sexual going on at all. > > Are you some sort of idiot that thinks that people can’t be friends without some sort of sexual tension involved? I mean, hell Jin is not only young enough to be my son, his Mom is _my_ age. I have friends of my parent’s age, in their 70s and 80s. Is that wrong also? I have friends of all sexes - male - female, gay - straight, bi. > > People make friends for all sorts of reasons. Perhaps the OP actually worked with the idiot and made friends that way. I made friends with a 19 year old working at my last job, she is into scrapbooking and I had some old magazines that I gave her to cut up and do crap with. I suppose that is sick … me being 49 and 30 years older than she is … but she is one of the few people I remained in contact with after I left. I also remain in contact with a couple of 30 somethings from the same employer … so I am 19ish years older than they are :rolleyes: Why on earth are you taking this personally? He’s simply pointing out that hanging out with a 22-year-old drinking buddy isn’t a great choice for a (single) father of a 16-year-old teen. Apparently their common interests aren’t in the best interests of the daughter. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/49 "2011-01-03T08:11:07Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Why on earth are you taking this personally? He’s simply pointing out that hanging out with a 22-year-old drinking buddy isn’t a great choice for a (single) father of a 16-year-old teen. Apparently their common interests aren’t in the best interests of the daughter. This. I also didn’t get that they were talking about the 22 year old friend trying to fuck the 40 year old father, but that it’s really not all that shocking that the 22 year old might make a pass at the person who is just a few years younger than them. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/50 "2011-01-03T11:46:24Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > I made friends with a 19 year old But is she your “best” friend? And more importantly, is she an asshole? Because the former would just be a little weird, whereas the latter would be stupid. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/51 "2011-01-03T15:20:31Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Why is your “best friend” a 22 year old asshole? I read this as: Why is your “best friend” a 22 year old, asshole? > [@needscoffee](#): > > I feel compelled to follow this up by pointing to [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=552308): (read to post #3) I am in love with \*\*Ludovic \*\*now. Thank you for this. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/52 "2011-01-03T15:29:32Z")
Is anyone else confused regarding the series of events? Who said what to whom in what order? The OP isn’t making any sense to me. And has everything just been talk or has anyone actually _done_ anything or made any _credible_ threats against anyone? ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/53 "2011-01-03T15:41:25Z")
CR has best friend, who is 22. They have been friends for 3 years. CR has daughter who is now 16. BF has told CR that he wants to have sex with CR’s daughter. CR does not end friendship. CR tells daughter. Daughter does not appreciate this. CR does not end friendship. Daughter tells CR that she was going to confront BF. CR tells BF that he has told his daughter about BF’s wish to sex her up. CR tells BF that daughter was going to confront him. BF threatens to knock daughter’s block off. CR remembers that BF has said this before, about other girls. CR ends friendship. **I think** ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/54 "2011-01-03T15:46:11Z")
It sounds like everyone in this story is about 9 years old. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/55 "2011-01-03T16:03:29Z")
I think I saw a similar situation on Jerry Springer, or maybe Maury Povich. (So it may have involved a babymomma rather than a daughter.) The insultee made an attempt to brain the insulter with a chair, followed later by a pious sermon about ‘getting along’, by the host. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/56 "2011-01-03T16:16:52Z")
> [@brickbacon](#): > > Please tell me if I not following this correctly. You have a 16-year old daughter, presumably making you close to 40 years old. I don’t mean to minimize the situation, but why are you hanging around a 22-year old? I’m not the OP but sometimes our interests and activities make our circle of friends very mixed in terms of generation. When I was 16 a lot of my close friends were anywhere from 20-70 years old. I worked at a Harley shop and did a lot of touring - something the people my age just weren’t interested in. I’ve seen the same thing at sportsmens clubs and firehalls as well as some “traditional music forms” (such as polka and bluegrass). ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/57 "2011-01-03T16:49:38Z")
Well, common interests (like, say… underage girls) can really bring people together. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/58 "2011-01-03T17:00:59Z")
And nothing says togetherness like a punch in the face. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/59 "2011-01-03T17:12:55Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > And nothing says togetherness like a punch in the face. Anybody else got the “That’s My Bush” catch phrase in their heads now? You know, “Laura, one of these days, I’m gonna punch you in the face!”? ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131/60 "2011-01-03T17:47:19Z")
Dump the friend. Apologize to your daughter. It does appear you’ve raised a girl who can stand up for herself and that’s pretty rare, but she needs to know you’re on her side, not this asshole’s. Be open to making friends with whoever, whenever, but don’t agree to tolerate whatever. A friend doesn’t treat your daughter inappropriately in word or deed. Cut this loser loose. Enjoy, Steven [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-talkin-about-my-daughter/566131.md?page=4)