All I know when I looked him up was “Victim Under 14,” so yeah, I’d say child. Assuming it happened, he would’ve been… Oy, I dunno, ten years ago, 17? Maybe a little older. Rick/Shelley are anywhere from 26 - 28 in my estimation. (Sorry to be vague. Like I said, I’m really sketchy on the basic details of their lives. I don’t know their birthdates but I do know he’s a registered sex offender! God, the internet is weird.)
And “bigotry” is a very appropriate word for what’s happening here. Bigotry is a combination of intolerance + bias + general assholery vis-à-vis a particular class of people. The class of persons suffering the bigotry here is “convicted sex offenders,” in combination with “those who associate with such scum.”
For those who ask if he’s still dangerous, I would reply, if he’s been with her for nine years and not succumbed to his urges (which, in the lack of evidence to the contrary, we have to assume is the case), then either a) he really has learned to control them or b) he’s playing a very, very deep game. Both Occam’s Razor and the fact that pedophilia is a compulsive disorder suggest to me that a) is the case (i.e., I doubt that he could be just subsuming his urges with the idea of worming his way into her trust).
Maybe I seem overly sympathetic to the guy, but the people whose rights are often violated first are those who we despise. The guy did something terrible many years ago. He claims to have changed. I lean toward giving him the benefit of the doubt.
In any event, the school’s behavior was inexcusable and would be the basis for a lawsuit–but probably the suit would lose, considering where it is.
What if she was 13 and he was 17? His “urges” start to sound a lot more normal.
I realize you don’t know the whole story, but it’s hard to form an opinion without knowing these things.
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The dude’s admitted to being a pedophile. He’s upfront about it. I don’t see why anyone should be jumping to make excuses for him that maybe he’s only kinda sorta a pedophile.
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If a nursery school doesn’t want to hire someone who is intimately involved with a convicted pedophile, that’s not an irrational prejudice; that’s enlightened self-interest. There is absolutely no upside to the school for keeping Shelley around if that also means keeping James around. Shelly is free to trust him, if she wants. That doesn’t mean the nursery school is obligated to do so.
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I wonder though. If James is sexually attracted to children, and James and Shelly started dating when she was in her teens, and now she’s mid twenties - how much longer is he likely to remain sexually attracted to Shelly? What’s her plan for when she gets too old for him?
They’re not. They’re wondering if he’s only kinda sorta a child molester. Rick hasn’t admitted to that. But anyway, yeah, I just don’t know. I’ve gotta believe this wasn’t a Romeo & Juliet situation and the conviction is for something icky. Whether it’s true or not, I dunno. Fortunately it is sooooooooooo not my problem.
Rick, darn it! (Is it because of Rick James that people are getting confused? 'Cause that’s kind of hilarious that our minds go there so automatically.) I don’t see how it’s “keeping [rick] around” by having Shelley working there, since for the umpteenth time, he can’t go anywheere near the school. But I do agree it’s up to the school whom they hire. I think firing someone without any notice who’s worked for you a year and who is very popular with the kids, isn’t fair to Shelley. (Again, not that they fired her at all, but the way they did it.)
She’s been past pedophile-age-range for as long as they’ve been dating, to my knowledge, so who knows. Fortunately, the answer to this question is also sooooooooooooooo not my business. If the attraction between them dies, I guess they’ll break up, like a kabillion relationships with *non-*pedophiles break up when the attraction dies and meets the choir invisible. Hopefully she’ll meet someone else and get a new job and get married and have kids and it all will still be sooooooooooooooo not my business. Yay! 
As others have said/hinted - there is not much you can do. Sex offender registries (at least the ones I am familiar with) are searchable by address.
People confuse pedophiles/sex offenders and don’t give a shit.
I 29 year old man who anal rapes a 7 year old girl in church winds up on the same list as (in some states):
A 16 year old guy who has sex with a 17 year old girl. (In some states - only the girls age matters (or did)).
A 19 year old who has consensual sex with a 17 year old (spare me the minors can’t consent shit).
A teen can wind up on the list for taking naked selfies of THEMSELVES.
Obviously these list are outdated/dangerous and there should be some adjustments to who ends up on them.
The problem is that 75% of people with kids don’t give a shit - or I should say this is way down their list of priorities.
In most people minds sex offender = pedophile.
Hell - plenty of people associate any non normative sexual behavior with being a pedophile. It wouldn’t surprise me if a majority of people (well if you include people born before 1970) still think gay men are likely to be pedophiles.
Now it seems odd to me that he actually admits to the pedophile thing. I didn’t think most true pedophiles were attracted to adults, but I am no expert in that area.
I am 100% into the whole he served his time! BUT there are certain things you can’t expect to do in today’s society.
One is work with kids and have sex with a pedophile (or someone on the sex offender registry) and expect to be able to keep your job.
Is it fair? No.
It isn’t fair that teachers are fired for having posed nude in the past either.
If they move and keep separate addresses (since it is searchable by address) and keep their relationship a secret - maybe she can try again.
I have a friend that REALLY was into learning flying - started around 1999 I guess - would read flight manuals and stuff wherever he went. He had to give it up (or at least keep it on the down low) after several incidents at airports in late 2001. You see - he was/looked Arab.
Turns out one of the other things you can’t do in our society is be Muslim/Arab and learn to fly in the US in 2001-2002. Is it fair? No. I haven’t talked to him in a while, but I’m guessing that went away based on some of the Facebook photos I’ve seen.
Anyway - it doesn’t matter if he is innocent/framed - all that matters is he is on the list and she is in an open relationship AND living with him AND having sex with him.
Anyone can find someone’s address now a days. That address will have a sex offender living there.
Nothing else matters to many, many people.
It’s not like he’s got a proximity detector on him that will announce his presence in the area, so they probably see it as needlessly giving him opportunities to get near children, even outside of school hours/facilities.
DataX, I get that the close-in-age violations suck, but this involves a guy who is a self-admitted pedophile, whose victim we only know as being under age 14. You probably wouldn’t use the word pedophile to describe yourself if you had a not-yet-consent-age girlfriend while you were a teen.
choie, you may have to give her a kind version of a “duh! schools get a little defensive about that” talk and encourage her to go make a better life for herself one way or another.
This is where the distinction between “can” and “may” that was beaten into my head becomes important. Rick is not permitted to go anywhere near the school. That doesn’t make him physically incapable of doing so, and therefore doesn’t mean he won’t be hanging around outside the school waiting for Shelley. ( and plenty of sex offenders end up back in prison for violating one of these restrictions) Shelley may be confident that he won’t , but the school has no reason to have such confidence in him.
No we don’t have to assume that, except perhaps in a court of law. As a parent or a caregiver, it would be prudent to keep my children away from this guy at all costs.
I’m trying really hard not to judge here, because I have a huge problem with requiring offender registration. But at some point she’ll need to decide which she values more: working with kids or dating a pedophile. I hope she knows she can never have kids with this guy, either.
Apparently, someone was testing your story. Don’t worry, you passed.
What if he/she was 13-6? We don’t know, maybe you don’t know, but if Mr. SuperFreak has confessed to having that particular “mental illness”, we should assume the worst via Occam’s Razor. (Unless, in the case of 17-13, he’s been brainwashed by therapy.)
I think the OP should reveal the actual truth, or find out from her friend if she doesn’t know already.
nm
The OP has told us repeatedly what she knows and doesn’t know. The OP should NOT start grilling her friend for details to report back to this board, so we can decide how judgemental to be of people we’ve never been & never will be contact with.
The problem here isn’t “woman got fired for dating pedophile” the problem is “woman who loves children dating pedophile”. It doesn’t matter where she goes that is always going to be the problem.
I agree with others that the best thing you can do is lend a ear, and say something like “oh that stinks” at appropriate times.
This is true. I can completely understand why the school let her go.
[ol]
[li]A lot of people break laws when they think it’s not a big deal and no one will get hurt. Some people drive drunk since they that they are good enough drivers and not that drunk and nothing bad will happen. The people at the school might think that Shelley might let Rick come visit her at school, since she knows he’s not going to do anything to any of the students. Just because he’s not allowed to come to the school doesn’t mean that he won’t come by. [/li][li]She kept it hidden from the school that he was a sex offender. It’s understandable, since being or dating a sex offender isn’t a badge of honor that you usually tell people unless it’s necessary. But if she kept the fact that he was a sex offender hidden, the school could also wonder if he’d keep other things hidden- like would she keep it hidden if he came by the school? Or if he was alone with a student?[/li][li]If she was a teacher in Chicago, it’s possible that she might never see any of her kids outside of work. But if she’s in a small town, it seems inevitable that she will run into her kids at the grocery store or town fair or church or somewhere. Some of those times, she will probably be with Rick.[/li][/ol]
I don’t know anything about Rick, and how likely it is or isn’t that he do anything to any kids in the future. But I do know that convincted sex offenders sometimes break the law again, and sometimes their loved ones consciously or unconsciously ignore bad behavior. I also know that concerned parents sometimes can bring huge lawsuits if they even think anything bad might have happened. It’s totally understandable that the school would cover their asses by letting Shelley go.
He loves children too, they’re a perfect match!
Assuming the way you described it is accurate, the way it happened bothers me. They made up a new rule and then immediately used it to get rid of someone. You can’t fairly hold someone to a rule they didn’t know about ahead of time. You have to give them an opportunity to decide whether they will break the rule. That’s the fundamental concept of why ex post facto laws are bad.
I have a hard time siding with anyone that does that, no matter what the circumstances. Either she was already doing something that was a firable offense, and thus no new rule is needed, or she should have been given a chance to stop doing it. She should have had to make a decision about what was more important to her, her love of children or her love for her boyfriend.
Firing someone for associating a child molester is acceptable (if a bit tragic*), but only if the person has a chance to decide to stop associating with them.
*Not only does the criminal have a scarlet P for life, but apparently it attaches to the people they associate with.
This shouldn’t be a guessing game. At one extreme, Mr. SuperFreak is an ethically innocent young man who made a huge mistake in his youth (his mistake being caught, I suppose.) At the other, Mr. SuperFreak is an incorrigible ex-con who is duping a gullible young teacher with the M.O. of gaining access to future victims. It’s imperitive that the OP discover at least a few more details (most critically, exact age of “victim”) so we of the Internet can decide just HOW outraged we must be.
Now I’m thoroughly confused, who the hell is James? I thought the OP’s friend’s boyfriend was named Rick.
See, the guy can’t even be straight with her about his name. That’s cause for concern right there.