# Friend won't let me shower at his house, am I being unreasonable? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 19, 2022, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036 "2022-04-19T04:04:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/81 "2022-04-20T16:04:42Z")
What no hats episode? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/82 "2022-04-20T16:06:53Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Second time (that we know of). Don’t forget the “no hats” episode. Isn’t that something to just accept as a quirk? I mean sure, if there are enough issues time to move them to the ‘used to be friends’ list. I’ve got some of those. But life is long shit happens, people change. Sometimes they get moved to the ‘friends again’ list, initially with status ‘pending’. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/83 "2022-04-20T16:10:08Z")
We have a guest bedroom with its own bathroom. If we had a friend who needed to use the shower, that would be fine. But honestly I wouldn’t be thrilled with someone else using _my_ shower. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/84 "2022-04-20T16:10:51Z")
If you dump enough water down the toilet at once, it’ll cause it to flush. Fill up a few gallon stock pot and dump it all together. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/85 "2022-04-20T16:15:16Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > We have a guest bedroom with its own bathroom. If we had a friend who needed to use the shower, that would be fine. But honestly I wouldn’t be thrilled with someone else using _my_ shower. Depends on the friend, I suppose. But when our kids visit, we generally have the use our main shower, so as not to dirty another shower to clean. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/86 "2022-04-20T16:17:50Z")
For flushing (and other incidental uses), fill up the bathtub before your water is turned off. ---
**Author:** ![SoToasty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sotoasty/32/2803_2.png) [@SoToasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoToasty)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/87 "2022-04-20T16:19:48Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > If you dump enough water down the toilet at once, it’ll cause it to flush. > > Fill up a few gallon stock pot and dump it all together. This works fine for most flushing. However the tank flush, usually pushes a lot of water out right at the bottom. but you could just fill the tank to get the same effect. You would after the initial flush need to add water to the bowl most likely as there is extra water that gets added after the tank drains, but before it fills back up. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/88 "2022-04-20T17:00:28Z")
> [@SoToasty](#): > > However the tank flush, usually pushes a lot of water out right at the bottom. but you could just fill the tank to get the same effect. I actually had a cracked tank, so that wasn’t an option. But I had a friend over who apparently didn’t get the memo, and chose to use it for a bit of #2. ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/89 "2022-04-20T17:15:45Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > I’m not a person who absolutely must have a shower every day - but the people I know who must have a shower each day are somewhat inflexible about the timing. They take a shower first thing each morning or after they have coffee or every day after they get home from work or right before bed or . . . But the person who needs a shower first thing every morning in order to be able to function can’t take one after work instead and so on. So I’m wondering if the friend’s refusal to let you use the shower is related to timing ? I mean, although I would normally let a friend or neighbor use my shower , it might be different if they were going to come over and shower at 5 am (because they leave for work at 6 ) when I don’t normally wake up until 7:30. A very good point. Was any time specified? Or was it can I shower at your place this week… and if I’m reading it right, OP, you asked that first before specifying it was a because of a water main issue? Which may have been the reason he got weirdly defensive about it? ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/90 "2022-04-20T17:28:37Z")
Hi! I once had a friend who lived five minutes from my house ask if he could use my shower, because of some sort of plumbing related problem where he lived. I told him no. The reason I told him no is because he had kicked my dog earlier in the day. He texted me to apologize for kicking my dog and then asked to use the shower right afterwards, and I thanked him for his apology but still was not in any mood to be around him and do a favor for him so soon after the incident. I wonder if there is more personal history to your friendship that would reveal why he is saying no as well. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/91 "2022-04-20T18:33:45Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > You need water in the bowl and the tank for an actual flush. Well, something liquid in the bowl. The water goes down the drain directly from the tank when you flush it and that pulls the contents of the bowl along with it. Your toilet will add water in the bowl as it’s flushing too. So pouring water in the bowl does little. If you dump enough water all at once straight into the bowl, it’ll produce a proper flush. At least, on any toilet I’ve ever used (occasional power failures.) Whether it’s easier to pour into the bowl, let it flush, and then pour a small amount into the bowl so there’s some water in there; or to take the top off the tank lid and refill the tank, is a bit of an open question that may depend, among other things, on how tall you are (it’s easier to heft and pour a heavy container into something that’s at a lower level on your body.) ---
**Author:** ![SacFly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SacFly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SacFly)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/92 "2022-04-20T19:04:17Z")
This is such an odd story. There are only a couple of people that I would ask, but they wouldn’t say no. What were the circumstances that he’s showered at your place, when he lives just 5 minutes away? I hope you didn’t kick his dog earlier that day. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/93 "2022-04-20T19:07:10Z")
This is so foreign to me. There are around 10 people in my life who I could stay at their house for a month and they could stay at mine. The only response to a request for a shower would be getting a stack of fresh towels. We have collections of hotel soaps and unopened toothbrushes from the dentist for guests. We’ve had families take showers and get ready for events because the drive across town would take to long. We’ve had friends stay at our house while we were on vacation and not even there. Our friends do similar things for us. All these excuses are weird. That would be the end of the friendship. If they had indeed showered at my house and their last words to me were “have fun being stinky”. I would curse them out every time I saw them until they wanted to fight me, or hid from me. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/94 "2022-04-20T19:11:45Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Whether it’s easier to pour into the bowl, let it flush, and then pour a small amount into the bowl so there’s some water in there; or to take the top off the tank lid and refill the tank, is a bit of an open question that may depend, among other things, on how tall you are (it’s easier to heft and pour a heavy container into something that’s at a lower level on your body.) In my bathrooms (the joys of apartment living, don’t even get me ranting about the kitchen cabinets), the counter is completely over the toilet tank, with just a few inches between. It’s (barely) enough for maintenance to do repairs, but it’s still bad design, I think, and maintenance hates it too. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/95 "2022-04-20T20:27:23Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Yeah, maybe part of the reason i think it’s odd to say, “no” is that my house has four bathrooms. And we use three of them often enough to know all the parts work. So I’d have to let the guy in, or give him a key. But otherwise it really wouldn’t significantly inconvenience me. If the house had only one bathroom, it would be a much much larger ask. Okay, now I feel like a peasant for having a house that was built with one bathroom. And that’s pretty standard for our neighborhood, full of 1920s vintage homes. Yeah, sharing a bathroom with a spouse is bad enough, I can’t imagine adding a third non-related person into the mix. > [@Moriarty](#): > > The gym is really the best option. Use this as an excuse to get in shape. > > I just joined a gym - Crunch. The signup fee was something like 25 cents. The cheapest membership is about $10 a month. Best answer yet. We have many chains like Anytime or Planet Fitness - $1 to join, $10/month. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/96 "2022-04-20T20:57:07Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Okay, now I feel like a peasant for having a house that was built with one bathroom. Two is a LOT better than one. When I lived in a NYC apartment, we had a full bath, and a water closet off the kitchen. (Like, it was literally a closet with a toilet and a couple of shelves. You were expected to use the kitchen sink to wash your hands.) The second toilet was great when you needed it. Which wasn’t that often, but … yeah, it was great. Four bathrooms in a house that holds three people is just silly. And I literally don’t know if the basement shower works, because I haven’t turned it on since the house inspection, mumble mumble years ago. The house originally had 2.5 baths, which would be a fine number. Then the prior owners turned the larger half of the attic into a master suite (with bath, natch) and added a shower to the half bath, so their au pair had a private bathroom. So, yeah, I may be insensitive to the constraints of people who have a less extravagant number of bathrooms. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/97 "2022-04-20T21:10:11Z")
For me, the problem would be the disruption to my ‘schedule’, which really isn’t one. Once I retired I said goodbye to going to bed/getting up at any set time (except for rare ‘got to make a plane’ type times.) I’m a natural night owl who was forced by society to get up to fit into the world’s basic schedule. Now? If I stumble across something I want to read or watch at 1 a.m., why not? Some days I’m up by six a.m., some days I’m still lounging in the bed at near noon. So what? But if someone asked me if they could come over to shower at X a.m. every day? What a horrible thought! You can some over sometime between 1 p.m. and 8 p.m., no sooner or later. That work for you? And bring your own towels, I have to tackle the basement stairs too often for comfort already. ---
**Author:** ![Ranch\_Dip](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranch_dip/32/5238_2.png) [@Ranch\_Dip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranch_Dip)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/98 "2022-04-20T21:11:19Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Many gyms will let a member provide a friend a guest pass Some gyms offer a one week free trial. If you have a Planet Fitness, their basic package is $10 per month, and they have been running specials in my area to waive the joining fee. In my area, the local indoor pool can be paid on the date of service without a membership. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2022, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/99 "2022-04-20T22:50:29Z")
> [@digs](#): > > > [@Moriarty](#): > > > > The gym is really the best option. Use this as an excuse to get in shape. > > > > > I just joined a gym - Crunch. The signup fee was something like 25 cents. The cheapest membership is about $10 a month. > > Best answer yet. We have many chains like Anytime or Planet Fitness - $1 to join, $10/month. Sure but how easy will it be to quit? ---
**Author:** ![tofor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tofor/32/13727_2.png) [@tofor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tofor)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2022, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036/100 "2022-04-21T14:02:38Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > The water goes down the drain directly from the tank when you flush it and that pulls the contents of the bowl along with it. This is not how a normal toilet works. The water goes into the bowl until it overflows the trap and creates a siphon. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/hAxAyoSMQhI/maxresdefault.jpg "How does a Toilet Work?") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAxAyoSMQhI&t=23) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friend-wont-let-me-shower-at-his-house-am-i-being-unreasonable/963036.md?page=6)