# Friends mom is furious because her adult friend gave her son pasta with red wine in the sauce should she of asked first? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** food-cooking\ **Created:** [March 3, 2023, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647 "2023-03-03T11:37:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/121 "2023-03-03T20:03:02Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > It was about when common sense dictates that if you have strict requirements, And common sense also dictates that “don’t serve my 8 year old food made from wine” is not a “strict requirement”. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/122 "2023-03-03T20:04:26Z")
My common sense certainly isn’t. Most people seem to think alcohol is completely cooked off when cooking, anyway. I’ve never heard this to be a common concern by any parent I know. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/123 "2023-03-03T20:05:56Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > And common sense also dictates that “don’t serve my 8 year old food made from wine” Pasta sauce with wine is not “food made from wine”. Vinegar is food made from wine. Pasta sauce is food made _with_ wine. Stew is food often made with wine or beer, etc. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/124 "2023-03-03T20:07:17Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > Secondly wine, the alcoholic drink (aka booze), is being used as a flavouring, right? We are adding it because we like the flavour of wine in our sauce. We are both fine with that, both for us and our kids, but assuming everyone would be is showing a lack of empathy. Lots of people have deep seated problems with alcohol and alcoholic drinks and do not want their kids exposed to them or their flavor. > > I mean we’ve all agreed its not OK to offer their kid an actual beer without getting permission. What about a non-alcoholic beer? If all that matters is the amount of alcohol giving their 8 year old a beer should be fine The non-alcoholic beer question is interesting, and I would probably ask the kid if his parents would be okay with it. But that’s a lot like drinking a beer, at least socially. (One could similarly argue that drinking “soft drinks” is a lot like drinking “cocktails”, but the social expectations around those have changed over the years, and that’s probably not actually true right now.) But wine as an ingredient? No, I don’t put it in my food because I want my food to taste like wine. I don’t want eating my sauce to be like drinking wine. Do you cook with wine? You don’t end up with food that tastes like you are drinking wine. Not in the slightest. That’s why most of us wouldn’t call a red sauce with a little wine a “wine sauce”. Because one doesn’t eat it and think “this tastes like wine” any more than one eats a food seasoned with Worcestershire sauce and thinks it tastes like eating anchovies. It’s just a flavor component that adds a bit of sweet, a bit of sour, and some aromatics, to meld with the other flavors. And you aren’t even drinking it. The social expectations are completely different. Heck, even my “chicken with white wine and garlic” doesn’t taste like wine after it’s cooked, and that sauce is just butter, garlic, white wine, and a little chicken broth. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/125 "2023-03-03T20:09:47Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I wish I knew how to make a poll, because I’d ask int he polls only thread how many people ever cook with alcohol. I honestly do not know whether the folk here who claim it is a common practice are in the majority, minority, or what. here, or in the polls-only thread? I’m about to go away for the weekend, or I would volunteer to make the poll for you. But I bet someone would be happy to. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/126 "2023-03-03T20:10:34Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > Anyone who objects to you serving their kids that without asking first, is clearly some kind of extremist lunatic. No. The person who gets furious over it is an extremist lunatic. Wine Is A Normal Cooking Ingredient It is not the purview of booze hounds, lushes, sots and rummies. Celebrity chefs over the last 50 years have encouraged home cooks to use wine to make our sauces better. Clemenza put wine in his sauce in the Godfather, Julia Child used wine all the time, so does Jacques Pepin, Mario Batali, Emeril, Alton Brown, all the Food Network people, they all use wine in their dishes at one point or another. At no point to they say “gee whiz, this spaghetti and meatballs is strictly for adults, we put some wine in it!” ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/127 "2023-03-03T20:14:30Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Wine > Is > A > Normal > Cooking > Ingredient At no point has anyone on this thread argued against this point, whether written vertically or horizontally. > [@Cheesesteak](#): > > At no point to they say “gee whiz, this spaghetti and meatballs is strictly for adults, we put some wine in it!” _you_ don’t say that. _I_ don’t say that. Maybe none of your friends say that. If you fail to realize _lots people do think that_, you are showing a staggering lack of empathy. Its not a fringe belief among religious extremists, its a commonly held belief among large sections of the population for religious or other reasons. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/128 "2023-03-03T20:18:50Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > > [@Cheesesteak](#): > > > > Wine > > Is > > A > > Normal > > Cooking > > Ingredient > > At no point has anyone on this thread argued against this point, whether written vertically or horizontally. Then I think we are done. If wine is a normal cooking ingredient, and you don’t want your child to be exposed to it, then it’s incumbent on you to mention that to whoever is preparing the food. Just as you would mention your child shouldn’t have peanut oil, or shouldn’t have milk, or shouldn’t have meat that isn’t halal. 🤷 ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/129 "2023-03-03T20:18:52Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > If you fail to realize _lots people do think that_, you are showing a staggering lack of empathy. You keep saying this as if it’s universally true. Who are these “lots of people” who are not Muslim? You are seriously in the minority here. It’s pretty clear what your views on alcohol in general are since you insist on referring to cooking wine as “booze.” ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/130 "2023-03-03T20:19:20Z")
I think the point that you are continuing to overlook is that if you do think “this is for adults because it has wine in it” and your child is going out to dine at a place where you do not know the ingredients, you should say, my kids don’t eat food with wine in it or some equivalent. And, more to the point, if you do NOT do this, then do NOT scream at the cook! Say, oops my bad. And learn from the experience! ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/131 "2023-03-03T20:22:49Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > _I_ don’t say that. Maybe none of your friends say that. If you fail to realize _lots people do think that_, you are showing a staggering lack of empathy. Ah, so _you_ don’t think that it’s boozing up food, _you_ don’t think that it is unusual, _you_ don’t think that there’s anything wrong with the practice at all. You are just debating on behalf of some other people, people who are not here, who do. I’m not interested. Find one of these people, and I’ll see what their position is on the topic and discuss it that way. This method of using other people’s positions instead of your own to discuss a topic bores me. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/132 "2023-03-03T20:23:01Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > It’s pretty clear what your views on alcohol in general are since you insist on referring to cooking wine as “booze.” LOL this is clearly a very logical statement that makes complete sense, despite saying multiple times that I cook with wine all the time and writing this with a glass of wine in my hand. You have me bang to rights with my secret anti booze agenda! I would have got away with it but for you pesky kids! ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/133 "2023-03-03T20:36:31Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > I’m not interested. Find one of these people… You have no empathy with these people, you are dismissing them just because they are hypothetical and you are not. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/134 "2023-03-03T20:44:53Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > they are hypothetical and you are not. Ah, but what if I were? ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/135 "2023-03-03T20:46:27Z")
Then maybe you could have any qualities that I hypothesized, rather than stubbornly insisting on the ones you actually have. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/136 "2023-03-03T20:52:06Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > you are showing a staggering lack of empathy. I been called worse. If somebody has a _thing_ with a relatively common cooking ingredient, that is routinely added to regular homecooked foods by popular and celebrated chefs, it’s incumbent upon you to mention that when someone is offering to cook food for your children. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/137 "2023-03-03T20:53:33Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > here, or in the polls-only thread? I’m about to go away for the weekend, or I would volunteer to make the poll for you. But I bet someone would be happy to. No biggie where, but I imagine posting it here might skew the results towards the foodie/wino cooks! I’d wager no more than 10% of all people (no more than 25% of Dopers) have ever cooked with wine/beer/alcohol. Not to mention doing so regularly. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/138 "2023-03-03T21:09:50Z")
Are you counting vanilla or other alcohol-based extracts? I assume rum in rum cake counts or alcohol in any of many other desserts like bananas foster or tiramisu. Barbecue sauce with bourbon? Or any dessert with bourbon as a flavoring agent? ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/139 "2023-03-03T21:11:59Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I’d wager no more than 10% of all people Does that include 100% of Wisconsinites and other Midwesterners who soak their brats in beer? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2023, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647/140 "2023-03-03T21:12:55Z")
Oh good one. Also beer in chili is common. And Wisconsin also has its beer cheese soup. So we’ll probably have to leave Wisconsin out of the poll. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/friends-mom-is-furious-because-her-adult-friend-gave-her-son-pasta-with-red-wine-in-the-sauce-should-she-of-asked-first/980647.md?page=8)